Journey to £0 by 2020, with a few bumps along the way

Hillwalker11

I think you need to practice some tough love! As someone else said, he will bumble along with no responsibilities on the money front because someone will always bale him out.You have done it twice,don't go down that route again. It enables him to carry on.
If all his money is used 4 days into the month,he will have to have a very lean month, he can't go out and spend what he hasn't got. I believe it is called a life skill!
If his mother bales him out, that is up to her, I would try not to get involved.
It is not easy for you not to worry, but he obviously isn't!.
He has a family and needs to start facing up to the reality of this, it's known as being a grown up!
Not an easy situation for you but try to stay strong and not give in to him.
Good luck.

enthusiasticsaver

I agree with hillwalker. Not smoking or drinking or cutting back will actually do him good. If his mum bails him out more fool her and if he gets a payday loan he will make his situation worse. You have said the debt you have paid off is directly down to baling him out so why carry on doing it? It is just perpetuating his bad spending behaviour. Tell him to take on a second job if he can't make ends meet. The jo8nt account is not his reserve fund so I would not do that either. Tough love.

DancingInTheRain

I'd also agree with not helping him. It must be difficult when you are both so different in your approaches to managing finances but that does not make you responsible for his poor decisions/choices. It's very unfair of your OH to put you in this position especially when you've done such a fantastic job in reducing debt and building savings.
Wishing you all the best with this.

chelseablue

Thank you all so much!

God I love this diary its like my confessional :rotfl:

You are all so right of course, giving him money would mean giving him the present money he gave me back to him. Which would basically mean he hasn't got his own son a Christmas present!

Might just leave £150 in the joint account for food and take the rest out or pay some more off the credit card.

Then when he asks I can show him theres only that in there

Or is that too devious haha

Jox

Yes good idea to squirrel it away, I'm in the same position with my hubby, it's infuriating isn't it!

enthusiasticsaver

chelseablue wrote: »

Thank you all so much!

God I love this diary its like my confessional :rotfl:

You are all so right of course, giving him money would mean giving him the present money he gave me back to him. Which would basically mean he hasn't got his own son a Christmas present!

Might just leave £150 in the joint account for food and take the rest out or pay some more off the credit card.

Then when he asks I can show him theres only that in there

Or is that too devious haha

Not devious at all, sensible if you ask me. We still have more than three weeks left of December. Of course I am sure if he gets paid early in December it will all be gone very quickly again so January will be fun and he will be whining again that he has no money. My suggestion is to pay some off the debt if you want to hide any surplus then he can see there is no extra there. Eventually his pleas will have no effect on you. Remembering a few things like the reason you are in debt now should steel you to say no to him.

Tough I am sure as although my husband was a fritterer and still is to an extent he would not prioritise this over food and fuel and certainly not beer. Luckily he never smoked. Separate personal accounts for us as you have done with your DH. He whines about having no money but as he just uses it for hobbies I have absolutely no reservations about telling him that he has to wait until the next payday. He sells stuff though on ebay etc to keep him going. Can your DH do that?

chelseablue

He has an iwatch that he's trying to sell but no offers so far. And some jackets he could possibly but that's it. December isn't the best time to be selling stuff I bet haha

chelseablue

Do people split up over money?

Its doing my head in keep being asked every day, last night it was tobacco, tonight I bet it will be beers. Then he'll soon be out of petrol (I looked yesterday he had 140 miles left)

wishingthemortgaheaway

chelseablue wrote: »

Do people split up over money?

Its doing my head in keep being asked every day, last night it was tobacco, tonight I bet it will be beers. Then he'll soon be out of petrol (I looked yesterday he had 140 miles left)

Yes I suspect they do, but I suspect that money is only the tip of the iceberg and, when you start to unpick things there are lots of other things. For example - if hubby wants money for beers tonight is that because he's going out on his own? Are you socialising together? Wat did he spend £400 on? Does it match your goals? Why are you sorting out the debt on your own when hubby was a major contributor?

Sorry, that sounds all doom and gloom, but maybe an honest discussion on all sides could make some positive forward steps.

You sound so anxious about the situation and you are worrying about what he's going to ask for next. What has he said when you've said no?

chelseablue

I’m going out tonight to my company Christmas party so he’ll need to be in. But he drinks at home anyway.

I said no yesterday, and about 20 minutes later he asked again so he just keeps asking until I cave