Journey to £0 by 2020, with a few bumps along the way

enthusiasticsaver

chelseablue wrote: »

Do people split up over money?

Its doing my head in keep being asked every day, last night it was tobacco, tonight I bet it will be beers. Then he'll soon be out of petrol (I looked yesterday he had 140 miles left)

Yes people do split up over money but it is not usually just about the money.

If he continues to pester you until you cave that displays great immaturity similar to a child and is tantamount to bullying. Very stressful for you but unfortunately caving does nothing but shows him that his tactics work and he gets what he wants if he carries on going on about it instead of having a proper discussion like an adult. This is learned behaviour and no doubt worked as a child and he has carried on into adulthood. Like a child you need to stand firm.

This is not a relationship forum so I wont go on further except think this must be very wearing and exhausting for you.

enthusiasticsaver

chelseablue wrote: »

I’m going out tonight to my company Christmas party so he’ll need to be in. But he drinks at home anyway.

I said no yesterday, and about 20 minutes later he asked again so he just keeps asking until I cave

Don't cave and he should not be drinking when looking after a small child. I don't know how you put up with his pestering really. I would lose my rag with him and I am normally mild mannered. Enjoy your party and I agree you sound very stressed.

chelseablue

His Mum gave him money on Friday (he said she had to take it out of her savings account :eek:)

Last night he had £10 of it left and instead of putting petrol in his car he went out and bought a box of beers with it. Bl00dy idiot

I checked his car this morning, 73 miles left

His plan is to ask his work if he can borrow one of the company cars until next week

I text him earlier and said if he cant I don't mind bringing some clothes over to his mums house for him (he can walk to work from hers) He just said 'Right'

I am determined I will not give in and give out money!

Only thing about borrowing a works car is he'll still be in the house asking for money for beer and tobacco

Sounds bad but I hope his company say no and he has to stay with his Mum for bit

Sorry for the essay!

enthusiasticsaver

Well done for staying determined and not caving into his demands. Shame his mum does not do the same. How can she think that is ok to pay out on beers rather than petrol to get to work?

Sorry you are struggling with him at the moment but it sounds as if he has always been like that but you have got better at resisting him. It must be incredibly stressful for you but this would make me even more determined to pay more off the debt or invest more so it is not available for him. Having a decent emergency fund would also be a good idea so long as you do not tell him. Not a great way to conduct a marriage though so sympathy to you on all the stress you are going through with him.

chelseablue

Thank you, I don't think he told her what it was actually for just asked to borrow it

enthusiasticsaver

Maybe you need a word with her then. Or stay out of it and leave him and her to sort it out. If he was my son I would not be helping him except an offer of support to get help with his addictions. Has he always been like this?

chelseablue

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Maybe you need a word with her then. Or stay out of it and leave him and her to sort it out. If he was my son I would not be helping him except an offer of support to get help with his addictions. Has he always been like this?

I've asked her at least 3 times before not to give him money.

He must of always been like it but we always used to have joint money

Not any more!

enthusiasticsaver

My approach to this would be to take a complete step back and not worry about it. He is a grown man so I would not check how much petrol he has or ask what he has done about getting money. His remark about his mum getting the money for him out of her savings sounds like he was trying to make you feel guilty at not giving him money. Normally most married couples discuss the situation re money but you and him seem to have a history of him being bad with money so you take control then him rebelling but never getting better. Only a complete separation of finances will sort that but that only works if you can separate finances from the relationship. The constant demands shows he is unable to do that. He is still looking to you to bail him out.

Honeysucklelou2

Won't he need to put petrol in the company car or does the company pay for the petrol?

Is there a way of making him understand spending and consequence. For instance, if my children ask for something that is over and above what we have planned for a meal, my response is usually along the lines of " Well if you have that it means that it won't be there to eat on x day. Maybe you could have x or y instead". When presented with the consequence they are often happy to leave it or accept an alternative. With your husband, can it be something along the lines of " If I give you £x for your beer, our grocery budget will be less" just to get across that his spending and need for bailing out has a consequence in less money for other things?

chelseablue

Well, he sold his iwatch yesterday for £120 so that should keep him going until payday

I agree, I am going to totally step back from it all and let him get on with it

Back to debt busting, I have managed to pay off a bit more, balance is now £8,498

Would be nice to be into the 7's by the end of the year but we'll see

My Nan normally sends me a cheque for Christmas, going to send that to the debt plus I'm due a £50 payment from Quidco in December that will also go to the debt.

Why does Quidco take so blooming long?! The £50 is from when I paid for my car insurance in July!