Mrs S, family life and debt

kirtsypoos

So sorry to read your post MrsS, but I'm glad everything is calm and agreeable for you. Doing the best for your boys is obviously your number 1 priority and I have no doubt you will do brilliantly with that.

System

Sorry to read your news Mrs S , at least you are both on the same page and talking.

mummytogirls

Sorry to hear what your going through MrsS, hope it all works out well. Sounds like you both getting on well with the boys best interests at heart xx

MrsSave

I’ve just typed a long update and lost it!!! Grrrrr!!!

Thank you for your comments. Things are ok here. We haven’t told the boys yet, we’re telling them Thursday. Thursday night will be our first night just the 3 of us. It breaks my heart how sad my eldest will be. There’s so much to sort out. I don’t really have a clue where to start. I’m going to have to look at working tax credits and child tax credits as my wages alone mean we won’t be able to pay the bills let alone anything else. We also need to sort our accounts and change them from joint.

A few of the bills will change slightly, and I believe that I can have a reduction in council tax. Groceries will come down. I’ve tried amending this weekend’s shop but literally have no idea what to order or how much of anything. I’ll see how things go but may end up cancelling the deliveries and going to the store, particularly if I can get the weekly shop done for under £40.

If anyone has been through this and can see glaringly obvious things that I’ve missed, please tell me!!!

debtaghh

Depending on your salary you may be entitled to help with housing costs. Try the website entitled to, it should help give you an idea of what you could get. Hope you’re ok x

System

It’s a very confusing time in the interim period. Shopping I personally would go to the shops if you can bring yourself to go. I used to buy far to much for the first few weeks .
I did a big list of everything that was joint and started from there , but be mindful that things may change again, you may get back together again.
You will get 25% reduction on council tax.
Can’t help with TC , but I have read on other threads that it seems to be better to tell them of the change in circs sooner rather than later.

I have been there some 14 years ago , it’s not easy but you will survive x

WannabeFree

Sorry to hear your news.

I agree with CL call tax credits as soon as you possibly can. Council tax should give you a 25% discount. Check the calculators for other benefits.

Will you be staying in the house your in? Make sure you change the bills etc to your name. Make sure you change your bank accounts if joint. Also credit cards etc. It's best to look at what you pay out together as a couple and change as much as you need to yourself. One step at a time.

Food shopping I still shop online, I still meal plan. I freeze the extra 'adult' portion into two 'ready meals' so we have easy meals for days where we have appointments and things and will be home later than usual.

System

Great advice from wannabe on the food front. There will be other people who have been in your position who will be able to help.

wishingthemortgaheaway

Good luck Mrs S.
I've no idea about the benefits etc, but make sure you get everything you need to in your name or at least (for now) get oh to ensure you can speak on his behalf for any others.

Have you discussed any joint account money and joint debts? I hope he wouldn't clear the joint account out and leave you with the debts, but it has happened.

There are lots of incentives for you to sort maintainence payments put between you. There is a ?% charge at both ends of the transaction if things have to be sorted through csa these days, so best avoided if possible.

Big hugs and all the best.

Wish

MrsSave

This is what I love about this site....people are so lovely.

We both have our children's best interest as a priority. I know 100% that he wouldn't clear the accounts. We've agreed to keep his income coming in to the joint account until I can sort child tax credits, etc. Will fill the forms in tomorrow (unless it can be done online?!). Apparently they backdate so I've said I'll give him some of the extra I get (if I get). I have a little savings in my name, which I don't intend to ever touch as it is their for the ultimate, we can cant pay the mortgage, or I can't put food on the table emergency. I don't think he'll mention wanting some. I do have 1 credit card debt in my name. It pretty much equals the savings but as it's 0% I'm happy keeping it on a card instead of paying it off and having no savings. MrS (I don't know what to call him now!!) has said that despite it being in my name, as far as he's concerned it's joint. But, until I know what help (if any) I can get, we can't really discuss the finance side very well.

Tomorrow's tasks are sorting benefits and council tax. I do need to make sure he has money available to him for the rest of the month, though he has said he has no intentions of using any of the joint accounts as soon as he drives away Thursday night. Despite the fact that he'll be with his parents, he will need some money.

Most of the bills are in my name already. Im pretty sure all the utilities are. The car is in his name, but he has a pnother that he uses for work so has said he won't worry about that. He's the main driver on the insurance, but I'm wondering whether I can keep it like that until it's up for renewal next and then renew in my name (which will probably cost a lot more as I don't have no claims any more......since marrying we've dropped to 1 car between us as he had the work one).

My mind is literally whirring with trying to work out what I need to do.

I'm ok in myself, I know this needs to happen and it will make us both so much happier. The only times I get super emotional is when we discuss the boys. I'm going to miss them so much when they're not here. We've decided on 50:50 contact as he is such an amazing dad to them and it wouldn't be fair on him or them to fight that. But, by living pretty close (we'll be 20 mins apart - I'm staying in the home, he's moving in with his parents) and me being so close to school/nursery, it (at the moment - things could change) actually looks like there will only be 1 day a week each where we won't see the boys at all. I already dislike Thursdays!!