Mrs S, family life and debt

MrsSave

Thank you again so much for your messages. They are so lovely to read with lots of good advice. MeandO, your post was just what I needed to read. It's telling ds1, who is 4, that will be the hardest of all. I'm dreading tomorrow morning.

We've had a pretty ok day today. We've talked a lot. We've laughed a bit, we've cried a bit and we've decided on a few things. My Thursday nights will no longer be happening!! It was actually MrS' decision. He'll be bringing them back here and putting them to bed here. It means Friday morning will be easier all around and I can sort them out before I go to work. It does make sense and I'm really happy that he put the boys first there. They will be sleeping here 5 nights a week. On 3 of the nights, MrS can call around before bedtime to see them and put them to bed if he can/wants.

He's having them a little longer this weekend coming as well as a one off (weekends we're hoping will be flexible but work out a day each ish). He was bringing them back here Sunday by midday, but I've suggested they go shopping for a few bits for the boys to have at their Dads, which means they'll be a few hours later back.

I looked into phoning HMRC/tax credits. But reading up it said changes could be made over the phone, but if you don't currently receive any tax credits then you need to apply with a certain form, which is on the way (sometime over the next 2 weeks - how long does it take to post a form??!!). I hate the fact that I can't budget at the moment, as I have no idea what will be happening and how much money I'll have. We're not going to decide on child maintenance until that's worked out either.

MrsSave

Today’s the day. It’s going to be a surreal one. I keep trying to decide on how to word it. I’m going to keep it as positive as possible. “Daddy will be sleeping elsewhere and they’ll be staying over with him sometimes and will still see lots and lots of him. Daddy will also be able to tuck them up in bed here lots but after he’s done that he’ll be going to his house to sleep.” It’s so difficult to know whether I’ll be saying the right things.

I spoke with my mum earlier and told her that I had ordered a dvd player. She mentioned that she has an old one of mine that works but isn’t being used. I’ll return the one I’ve ordered as soon as possible.

I’ve meal planned and ordered. I’ve stocked up on bits like nappies/baby wipes and the bill is looking to be around £46 at the moment. I think going forward it will work out a little cheaper. I may have a delivery every other week and then just a top up in between. I do have over flowing cupboards at the moment so really need a proper sort out and to get rid of things that won’t be used.

debtaghh

Good luck x

kirtsypoos

Hope all went well MrsS x

MrsSave

Things went as well as they could. Ds1 listened to what we said and could answer questions afterwards such as "where will daddy be sleeping?" And seems at the moment to have accepted it. It definitely won't be sinking in with him properly for a little while yet. He understands that he'll either be sleeping in the same house as mummy or daddy, but not the 2 of us.

It's such a weird, long day! I think both me and MrS are dreading the boys' bedtime.......he's putting them to bed and then leaving. Ds1 knows this is happening so I'm wondering what bedtime will be like. As much as I know this is the correct thing to happen, it's going to be so strange. The funny thing is that we've got on so much better this week and have spent lots of time chatting. I just really hope that we continue to get on well. If anyone was looking in at us they'd probably ask why on earth we're doing this as we still care so much for each other. It is 100% the correct thing to do. We care about each other a lot, but neither of us wants to be in a relationship with the other. We're not good together as a couple, but I know we'll work together to be the best parents we can for those boys.

I've taken forms into Nationwide today to change the account from joint to just me. I've also contacted Tesco credit card as MrS was a named cardholder. I now can't use the Tesco card and have to wait for a new one to arrive - 9-11 days. Be also looked quickly at next month and tried to work out a budget for us and to see how much MrS can have (I know next month is a long way away yet!). I can't remember if I mentioned, but I transferred a few hundred over to him for this month which means he can buy any bits he'll need at his parents place for the boys. They've been and chosen new pjs today which ds1 loves.

There's a lot he can take from here, but we're both hoping it's a way to get ds1 excited about the whole thing which will make it easier for him. Other than things for the boys, MrS won't need much as his parents will no doubt pay for all the food, etc. I'm absolutely dreading MrS leaving tonight, and know it's going to be very difficult for him to do.

Sorry, this is looking more like a relationship forum instead of a money one at the moment!!!

Right, pizzas tonight. Ds1's choice. They're frozen ones from Tesco so very low spend.

wishingthemortgaheaway

Big hugs Mrs S. You are such a strong person.

Yes tonight, this week, this month are going to be tough, but you have a plan and a plan is what you will fall back on when you (maybe) feel a little in despair. You are loved by your boys and your boys love you.
You are loved by your mum and your mum loves you.

When I took time off work for anxiety and depression and wanted to bury my head in the sand. My husband (who was working away a lot at the time) made me promise not to turn down offers of help or invites out. People weren't just doing it to be nice, they genuinely wanted to love me. So I had to let them. I think you need to do the same.
Offers of help (say yes!) invites out. (Say yes as long as it's reasonably frugal) if people offer to have the boys for a little while, or invite them round to play, say yes. Be kind to yourself.

Sleep well (as well as you can) tomorrow is a fresh, new, independently, strong, superwoman of a day.

Go you.

Wish.

louby40

Mrs S, I’m so sorry to read your news. I split and then divorced my boys dad in 2006. The boys were 5 & 3. It was an awful time. But 11 years later we have a decent relationship and we have both supported each other and our children over the years. I’d like to think we have 2 well adjusted children.

It’s not always been easy but we got there. It’s a big adjustment and you will miss them dreadfully when they are with their dad but you will soon find things to fill your time.

Thinking of you

MrsSave

First night pretty much done. Ds2 is teething and always ends up under the weather and with a high temp when he's teething. So tonight has been about calpol, night feeds and cuddles. He's just about settling down to sleep now again. Ds1 will be awake in an hour or so!!

Thank you again for your kind messages. They're so lovely to read with lots of brilliant advice. It's nice to hear from people who have been in a similar situation too.

As long as ds2 is settled in the morning, we're going to be going out for the day. I think it will be easier than a long day home just the 3 of us. My mum has the day off so will be joining us. It will probably end up being a cheap day......my mum won't let me spend a penny!

The DVD player arrived yesterday, so I returned it to store. It's nice not having to spend the £20.

mummytogirls

Hope today has gone ok MrsS xx

wishingthemortgaheaway

I too hope you've had a lovely day out with your mum and the children.