Worried about health of friend and children

Detroit

WorriedFriend2017 wrote: »

No substance abuse. She did use to do drugs as a teen but has been completely clean for a long time now due to bad experiences with it.

She does drink, but not to excess now. She did seem to be drinking lots of evenings last year but that has calmed down.

The thing is she does have friends come round during the day and evenings, including mum friends, but they don't seem to say anything....

Difficult to know exactly what to do.

You've been advised over again on this thread what to do. If the situation with the children is as bad as you say, you inform the authorities. However, you now say she has parents who are involved, as well as friends with children. Surely they would be aware of circumstances this dire?

Seems to me you've been a miracle worker for this friend. In 12 months you got her a brand new SH property, in an area where high rents would no doubt mean high demand for SH, and despite applying less than a year ago; you've got her an income of £50k, plus a job she can hold down, despite four children, studies, and seemingly disintegrating in all other respects.

You're involved in her finances, her cleaning, and the food she eats. You know who she sees and when, her weekly menu and how much she drinks. You even know the use by dates of the food in her cupboard (if years old, I'm surprised you didn't throw it out when she moved?)

My point? As an outsider to the situation, you come across as almost obsessed with your friend and her lifestyle. While it's natural to be concerned, involvement at this level is a little OTT imo.

My advice would be to put your concerns about the children into the hands of professionals, be there for her when she asks, and focus on your own life. If you've achieved these outstanding outcomes for your friend already, you've done enough.

WorriedFriend2017

I have followed all of the advice and contacted social services who are going to now visit next week.

I have asked her to visit her GP but cannot force this, so will see what happens.

My family might try and take the kids out next weekend to give her some space

Thanks again

WorriedFriend2017

Sorry I've just seen your reply. I've taken a step back recently.

When moving I was helping with clearing things out and I did throw the food, probably 98% of it.

I was hoping that sorting those things would mean she was a bit happier to help her get on, but it's now worse than before.

I'll leave it for now, but concerned rather than obsessed.

In terms of friends, I know she does see some but most of the time out the of the house as she talks to me about not wanting any visitors.

Yes she was very lucky with the house, they are building an awful lot of new houses in the south.

elsien

WorriedFriend2017 wrote: »

I have followed all of the advice and contacted social services who are going to now visit next week.

I have asked her to visit her GP but cannot force this, so will see what happens.

In going to try and take all the kids next weekend and am hoping her parents will help her, although they are not great to be honest.

It's hard knowing what else I can do for now. I have taken some days off work previously to help so will try and do the same next week and try to blitz the place.

Thanks again

Don't do anything else until social services have been. They need to see things how they are, not sanitised because you've been helping out and putting things straight for her. You taking days off work to sort things out for her is getting close to the realms of enabling if she's doing nothing for herself.
Time to step back a little ( on a practical level) and let the professionals get on with what they're there for.

WorriedFriend2017

Thanks, I shall

Cheeky_Monkey

OP - may I ask if you are male or female?

Helen2k8

WorriedFriend2017 wrote: »

Not wanting to be horrible, but she just has no motivation to do lots of these things, even though she knows she needs to.

If there is some depression or mental health issue, what you're basically saying here is "She knows she needs to exercise to be healthy, but she just will NOT get out of that wheelchair". You're missing a key fundamental aspect of the condition. It's along the lines of "Have you tried NOT being diabetic?" and the rest. People tend to see physical and mental conditions in very different ways.

WorriedFriend2017

My mum had heavy depression and was bi polar so I have seen how it can affect people in different ways. I didn't mean that in a bad way, I meant that she knows what she wants to do , she just doesn't manage.

If that question about gender is important then I'm male, but it's actually my partner and I that have both been helping as she also knew her from many years ago.

I'll leave the local council to it and hopefully she can get some support.

Cheeky_Monkey

WorriedFriend2017 wrote: »

My mum had heavy depression and was bi polar so I have seen how it can affect people in different ways. I didn't mean that in a bad way, I meant that she knows what she wants to do , she just doesn't manage.

If that question about gender is important then I'm male, but it's actually my partner and I that have both been helping as she also knew her from many years ago.

I'll leave the local council to it and hopefully she can get some support.

Yes, I thought so.

WorriedFriend2017

Yes, I thought so.

Does that matter? :huh: