The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

Hard_Up_Hester

I was lonely when I moved to a new area when my firstborn was 5 months old, I asked my health visitor if there were any toddler groups nearby that I could join. She told me I couldn't go to them until my baby was walking, that's why they were called toddler groups. By the time he finally walked, at 20 months I was almost insane!

ivyleaf

fuddle wrote: »

You are all breaking my heart but it's sensible to be real, accept and get on with life. I learned at an early age that we are all just individuals responsible for ourselves while living our own lives. That can be quite an insular outlook but I think, if I dare at my younger age, if you have that understanding as a foundation you can revert to it when you mourn loss, whether that emotional, social, physical or cognitive. Funny that those 4 words are the building blocks we teach tiny ones from when they're born so they can have a full life. No wonder it's a struggle when we lose them as I doubt there's ever an opportunity to learn how to cope until it's arrived.

Aside from Hannah Hauxwell, are there any hermit type women in history who have been successful in other ways?

I suspect there have been quite a few, but we haven't heard about them because they weren't men iYSWIM

I'm glad the soreness has eased, nm

Hester 20 months? Goodness, no wonder you were nearly insane! Our elder DGS (he's 24 now) began crawling at 4 months and was fully mobile by 9 months :eek: which was really just as bad but the other way IYSWIM!

FairyPrincessk

Evening all,


I find it heartbreaking to hear about others' loneliness although I must admit that I find myself lonely often. Sure I have great companionship in OH, but I don't have many friends. I have made the effort, but it takes me a long time to get to know people and one or both of us has often moved before something really strong forms.

As for successful reclusive women...lots of authors--Emily Bronte, Emily Dickinson, Harper Lee. I think Greta Garbo was reclusive when she retired. Ack..bound to be spelling mistakes, OH has just called me down to tea...

silver-oldie

Monna, you would be welcome anytime and cheese scones yum

I am not alone,I have DH but at the same time I am alone. Dementia is cruel, loosing some-one little by little.

VJsmum

carolbee wrote: »

I used to live in Sittingbourne, I wonder who it was used to do that, now I know!!!!128514;

Small world.. My dad came from Milton and my auntie used to run a pub there. But, yes, 'twas me turning the cartwheels. My mother, very exasperated, once said "just for once can you go along the road on your feet and not your hands.."

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

He Who Knows and I are best friends and spend amicable time together but have totally independent areas of life where we happily go our own way and as much space as either of us need in a marriage to do just that. It makes for a good relationship and also allows self reliance and the independence we both need to be us. I don't need physical people to be happy but I think I'd be a little lonely if I didn't have all of you my online friends to chat to.

OH and I are the same, sometimes I wish we were a little more reliant on each other .

monnagran

silver-oldie wrote: »

Monna, you would be welcome anytime and cheese scones yum

I am not alone,I have DH but at the same time I am alone. Dementia is cruel, loosing some-one little by little.

It is indeed cruel silver-oldie. I never could quite accept that my mum didn't know who I was. The strange thing was that when she died my brother and I didn't grieve. It was as though we had lost her ages ago and hadn't realised it at the time.
I found that I could remember all the good times after she died. In a strange way it was if she had been given back to me.

mrsmac10

Just passing through again

Do you ever think that there is a fate as such I am so touched by the alone/loneliness chat

I was let go by my last employer at the end of May Long story and i need to fill my time so I have been looking at volunteering/befriending

I feel i am quite chatty but was told by an old hand at volunteering that my background in HR will not suit the role as its a sense of humour that the befriender needs Really !!!! he had spoken to me for less than 30 seconds before he judged me but I may revisit that option after reading your thought provoking posts
Thanks

CRANKY40

I have ADHD and a lot of autistic traits. I like the idea of friends (and often feel lonely) but when I have make new friends I'm never quite sure what to do with them. I rely on my House Troll a lot as I don't always understand if people don't mean what they say....I can ask the boy and he will tell me what I should do if anything and if there's a meaning to what has happened that I haven't understood.

I used to worry a lot about being on my own with the HT when the late MrC was away at sea and when I was widowed I worried even more. I do (luckily for me ) have a few very good friends. One who has known me for years agreed to have the HT if anything happened to me as my sister lives in a different country and he wouldn't want to live there and MrC's family are (to put it bluntly) sh*te.

Our world was rocked yet again at the beginning of the year when that friend discovered that cancer treatment was required with a less than positive prospect for recovery. Someone that I've only been friends with for four years has stepped in and said that he will take the HT if anything happens to me and my other friend is not in a position to take him. The HT adores him and as awful as it is to discuss such things with your child the HT is now as secure as possible as he knows he will always be loved and cared for if I can't do it. Not that I have any plans not to be here for him but I'm telling you this so that anyone who feels alone knows that I know how it is.

Silver oldie, if you lived by us the HT would love a grandma. Ginnyknit was lined up for the job but then she gained some little grandpeople of her own that needed looking after. My mum died when I was 21 and the last but one time I spoke to my MIL she said she was too busy to see my elf as she had her own life to lead. Her loss because he's refused to see her or speak to her ever since. My dad has vascular dementia and doesn't know who he is half of the time, never mind us and the HT's other grandpa died when he was 2.

We have a spare room (the bed is covered with wool and my projects just now but that's a minor problem), we have 2 cats but can supply anti-histamines :rotfl: so please don't any of you feel like you don't have a friend as long as I have breath in my body. Monna if you ever fancy a Beatles tour or a look at Liverpool Cathedral (take your pick, we have two ) I'm your woman :rotfl:

VJs mum I used to live in Kemsley which is very close to Milton Regis I'm more Northerly now. Fairyprincess I don't think that you're that far from me if you ever fancy a cuppa in the holidays (I drive - you don't have to, it's 45 minutes to the Trafford Centre from here on a good day and I seem to think you work in a similar place to my cousin), Softstuff congrats on the medication. I ran for 20 minutes today but my head still thinks I'm the unfit fat bird who struggled to run for a minute all those weeks ago :rotfl:

MMF007

mrsmac10 wrote: »

Just passing through again

Do you ever think that there is a fate as such I am so touched by the alone/loneliness chat

I was let go by my last employer at the end of May Long story and i need to fill my time so I have been looking at volunteering/befriending

I feel i am quite chatty but was told by an old hand at volunteering that my background in HR will not suit the role as its a sense of humour that the befriender needs Really !!!! he had spoken to me for less than 30 seconds before he judged me but I may revisit that option after reading your thought provoking posts
Thanks

What a fool the old hand is! Does he know you and your personality or is he just a pi11ock of the sort who says all accountants are boring?? If you are chatty and can lksten and, perhaps most importantly, can ask open questions of the client, they will get great pleasure from your company. I love talking with my clients because they all have interesting things to tell, given half a chance.

Floss, Monna and VJsMum, yes, good idea. In fact I did exactly that, wrote to GP about my dad. There were lots of symptoms and crucially the timing of incidents that were simply not being relayed during appointments. The GP jumped at the chance to get more specific info and it led to much action, all without dad knowing I had ' snitched'.
The trouble is that we did get FIL referred to a falls clinic because he fell twice at home. He was given ankle supports, which he mostly does wear, and a stick which he won't use. His excuse is that he won't be able to carry shopping if he has a stick but I think it is vanity. His ankle supports are not visible - he wears them, glasses and stick are visible, won't use
He won't wear sun cream either (haven't got a clue why not, is it a macho thing?)!
To add to it all we noticed his hands shaking a lot at times and a lack of strength when cutting food up. Of course there is an immediate worry that it may be Parkinsons disease creeping in given the unsteady gait etc. Conclusion - I shall take your advice and write to GP, esp given how immobile MIL is, too. It is pretty heartbreaking.

Thank you ALL for being here for me, AGAIN!

Hope your appointments go well NM. Silva, sounds like you are much improved, and Fuddle, too. Silver oldie, keep posting, I am usually much more upbeat, don't let me put you off! Mar, hope the feet can be soothed!

I am smiling at the thought of cartwheels! VJsMum, I especially liked your idea of saying b@lls to it, let's do it anyway, in a wheelchair. That is my attitude to troublesome issues!

Mx

ETA - well done on the 20 minute run Cranky :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

ivyleaf

monnagran wrote: »

It is indeed cruel silver-oldie. I never could quite accept that my mum didn't know who I was. The strange thing was that when she died my brother and I didn't grieve. It was as though we had lost her ages ago and hadn't realised it at the time.
I found that I could remember all the good times after she died. In a strange way it was if she had been given back to me.

That makes perfect sense monnagran x