The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

MMF007

Ivyleaf, is it cataract op you are waiting for? My friend just had her second eye done. She had left it almost too ate and the lense had hardened (she could notmhave itmdone earlier because her poor hubby was very il and she was sole carer). Anyhoo, she got a last minute call from hsop to see if she would take a cancellation and she had it done on Friday. A greatnsuccess, even though the procedure took longer than the first one. Hosp do administer a slight sedative, as well as the obvious anaesthetic and she was fine. She is a nervous patient, although very stoical after the event. I have just spoken to her and she is delighted at the result, even though it is only 3 days since. So, although you will be nervous, as anyone would be, the professionals will take good care of you and the sense of relief when it's overnwill be tremendous! Good luck x

DH was trying to help this afto...... I came home from a long day to find him chopping veg, chicken in oven already. Unfotunately he just called me into cut the bird and it is not cooked through. I asked him how long it had been in and he said 'an hour'. Right, a whole chicken! Back into the oven it has gone. He means well!

ETA - Burtha, would you fancy getting a ready cooked chicken and just doing 2 veggies and a few frozen roasters for a real treat roast dinner for you and the kids? Not too much work but it would feel very comforting?

Floss

I have had varifocals for my last three pairs of glasses, initially Specs@vers frames, then I treated myself to some expensive (cheaper online in US though!) Tom Ford tortoiseshell & ivory cats eye frames. I had those reglazed this time around, and also got 2 pairs from Asda, one sunglasses in a RayBan type frame and a spare clear pair too.

I found Asd@ had quite a few frames to suit my small-boned face, and their pricing is fab too.

burtha

Hi all, well my day today seams to have gone from bad to worse , slept in for work , just didn't hear the alarm , thankfully it wasn't a issue but just so unlike me ...2 alarms sett for tomorrow
he turned up tonight for 10 mins ... spoke to kids for a few mins each , then I had a chat to him ... he just doesn't see the damage he has done ... he has told the kids they can do something with him on Wednesday ... problem is I don't think they want to .. then he is going to be here on Thursday because building reg man is coming around , youngest dd has already said she is going out , don't know about ds ... hope he will realise that they should be his first concern .
told him I have spoke to cams and hope to get a quick appointment , it's an odd think to say but he is so expression less when I told him , so hard to judge if he is taking what I say seriously .. kind of think he doesn't belive me ...
After his 5 mins with each child , he goes and i spent the next 2 hrs talking with dd .... so sad
after advice for solicitor I am sending divorce papers hopefully this week , know he will not be happy , but need to run it at the same time as the house sale ... feel like I am in a nightmare ,never thought I would be doing this ..

jamanda

Keep going love. As I said, I went through it and came out OK. My daughter is currently devastated because she is going through a divorce that she didn't want to have to instigate (domestic violence). Kids come first but she is a wreck.

FairyPrincessk

Morning all,

Burtha, you can't fix the hurt that your ex is causing the children, but you can be consistently there for them and it sounds like you're doing that and everything else right. MMF is right, try for small comforting treats--a roast dinner if that does it or just a snuggle on the sofa and a movie together. I don't wonder you overslept, all of this worry is exhausting.

Floss, I will check out Asda next time! I tried ordering online last time but most of the sites had few frames within the size range of those that have always worked.

Well, I'm up early to do some work and then hopefully have some time this afternoon for fun stuff. I've had an email from a friend who was once very dear to me, particularly during Uni. She and I didn't quite part ways, but we didn't survive me moving to the UK in quite the way I hoped we would. Her life has been extremely difficult the past two years but she hasn't been able or willing to say. Hearing about it has me so worried for her and wishing I could just wrap her up.

Hugs to all who need them, and a few extra sent out to those who may not even know they need them.x

Floss

FairyPrincessk wrote: »

...I've had an email from a friend who was once very dear to me, particularly during Uni. She and I didn't quite part ways, but we didn't survive me moving to the UK in quite the way I hoped we would. Her life has been extremely difficult the past two years but she hasn't been able or willing to say. Hearing about it has me so worried for her and wishing I could just wrap her up.....

I would consider the email as an olive branch, and by way of apology for the distance between you. Sounds like she's in a better place if she has shared her experiences with you.

ivyleaf

MMF007 wrote: »

Ivyleaf, is it cataract op you are waiting for? My friend just had her second eye done. She had left it almost too ate and the lense had hardened (she could notmhave itmdone earlier because her poor hubby was very il and she was sole carer). Anyhoo, she got a last minute call from hsop to see if she would take a cancellation and she had it done on Friday. A greatnsuccess, even though the procedure took longer than the first one. Hosp do administer a slight sedative, as well as the obvious anaesthetic and she was fine. She is a nervous patient, although very stoical after the event. I have just spoken to her and she is delighted at the result, even though it is only 3 days since. So, although you will be nervous, as anyone would be, the professionals will take good care of you and the sense of relief when it's overnwill be tremendous! Good luck x

DH was trying to help this afto...... I came home from a long day to find him chopping veg, chicken in oven already. Unfotunately he just called me into cut the bird and it is not cooked through. I asked him how long it had been in and he said 'an hour'. Right, a whole chicken! Back into the oven it has gone. He means well!

ETA - Burtha, would you fancy getting a ready cooked chicken and just doing 2 veggies and a few frozen roasters for a real treat roast dinner for you and the kids? Not too much work but it would feel very comforting?

Yes, cataract op(s). I'm so pleased for your friend

Floss I didn't know what cats eye frames looked like so had to Google They look fun, but I don't think they'd suit me. Happy with my rectangular ones though

burtha Thinking of you xx

FPk It sounds as though your old friend is reaching out for support, and you're obviously still very fond of her. You may not be able to revive the relationship with her exactly as it was, after such a long time, but hopefully you can forge a new one xx

monnagran

Phew burtha, you think that you've hit rock bottom and suddenly find out that there is a rockier bottom lurkng.
FairyP is right, you can't do anything about your children's relationship with their father. That is 100% down to him, and it sounds as though he is making a right pig's ear of it. What's all this about spending 5 minutes each with them? Does he make appointments and set a timer to ring when their time is up? Ugh! What a prat.

I hope that you will be there when anyone comes round to give any opinion about the house. It is very easy for anything said to be twisted to suit someone else's agenda. (I think I'm in danger of confusing myself sometimes.) Just don't believe any reports of what someone else has said. If you haven't heard it yourself insist on seeing it in writing. I watch too much Judge Judy, but I have also been caught this way myself.

Of course you never thought that you would have to deal with all this. Nobody does. But there are enough people on here who have seen their world suddenly fall to pieces around them and we will do our best to carry you through.

Try to believe us. You will win your way through this mess. Nothing will be the same again but one day life will be good again. It really, really will. It's a long hard road and there will be many tears along the way but it WILL happen. Promise.

[Deleted User]

Monna is spot on when she says no one sees things of this magnitude coming, I certainly didn't when it happened to me all those years ago and for my Ex. it was already a 'done deal' when he dropped the bombshell on me that I was not wanted any longer he had already made the emotional disconnect. There had been not a hint of problems, not a sign of discord, not a breath of warning and suddenly BAM!!!!! I don't want to be married to you any more, out of a clear blue sky and just dropped into evening conversation as I served up supper. He had his own agenda, had his life for the future mapped out and he just wanted me out from underfoot and out of his life as quickly as he could arrange it and all the 6 years we'd been together erased from memory and discarded and he thought he could do that instantly I was just supposed to take it 'like a man' and pack up and go there and then! Where I was to go didn't matter in any way he just wanted rid of me so he could move his new partner in asap, then his mother contacted me to say that the girl was married but was pregnant with my Ex's baby, a total mess all round. When I'd accepted things were as they were I went back home to my Dad taking 4 things from our home that I'd paid for on my own and of those 4 the only thing he didn't demand back was the cats. He got none of them and he insisted that he divorce me as he didn't want his reputation tarnished by me divorcing him, I just wanted it all over so that's how it was.

He did me the very best favour of my life by all of this, yes I was devastated and in such a dark place for a couple of years that life was bleak, darkly unhappy and very uncertain, I lived hand to mouth on what I earned which wasn't very much, just paid the rent on the bedsit I subsequently found and almost fed me, lots of hungry days but then I met He Who Knows through a friend and here we are today 43 years later and growing old.

One thing I did learn from experience is that no matter how much you love after a relationship breakdown is that no matter how much you care you learn NEVER to trust anyone else 100% ever again, sad but true and it holds to this day with all people in my life except the children who I would trust with my life every second of every day I have left so even though you are walking 'the pits of hell' today BURTHA lovey, there will be a tomorrow, that tomorrow might be a very different path from what you expected but you can make it as good as you want it to be, steer your own direction and follow your own star and be content again. It takes time, it takes resolution and to a certain degree it takes courage but you can do it! xxx.

FairyPrincessk

Floss wrote: »

I would consider the email as an olive branch, and by way of apology for the distance between you. Sounds like she's in a better place if she has shared her experiences with you.

Not to worry, there was never any acrimony, just a lot of silence for years, others in our friend group who are geographically nearer also found it hard to keep in touch. She comes in and out, emailing us all every couple of years and then disappearing again--I realized a few yeas ago that it wasn't personal but it does make it tough to know what to do. I still care about her and realize that some of this is because of her tough circumstances, I'm just not sure how best to be there for her IYSWIM. I think I'll put together a small care package in the next few weeks and post it out to her. I've managed to find her address in an old diary. I'm thinking herbal tea bags, maybe a hand-knitted coaster in her favourite colours and some pretty stationery as she is a teacher and will start term soon. Nothing too heavy as postage is so expensive but just something small so she knows I'm thinking of her but doesn't have to respond.

Sometimes I think one of the hardest things in life is knowing how to love people in a way that they recognize it as love.

In other news, HR has contacted me to say they can't get one of my references..except the person they list is not one of my references. This would explain so much about why I don't have any official confirmation that this is my first day. Fortunately I know what to get on with...:rotfl: