The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

pollyanna_26

I was editing my last post and have lost a whole paragraph in the process. Everytime i think how much better it is nowadays with posts not suddenly flying off into the ether something like that happens!

I was wondering if anyone ever watched Shirley Valentine and remembers the title song The Girl Who Used To Be Me.

The film made me laugh with Shirley talking to the walls. I've done a fair bit of that since the Pandemic. However she did a very bad job on the Liverpool accent which made me cringe. I don't have a Liverpool accent but I know many who do.

Tom Conti who I really liked as an actor was way too sleazy for my liking.

However it was the title song that stuck in my head and thinking back in the last few days I remeembered when the ex was living here I started wondering where had the girl who used to me gone.

I was fairly queit but never a pushover but was being controlled by a drunken drugged man. Trying to protect children and being physically and mentally abused.

My then GP was photographhing every injury during my pregnancy and the local police building up a file but it took years and three court cases before he was gone. Even then I didn't feel safe he kicked the front door down three times during the night.

When he broke his hip a few years ago in a drunken stupor that was the first time I did feel safe. He was in no fit state to attack anyone and if he tried I was now stronger than him.

In a strange way the recent problems with everything being my fault and the out of the blue tongue lashings have done me a favour. I can see things clearly now. I am not the problem or responsible for other peoples sometimes twisted views on things.

I have found the girl who used to be me and she will not tolerate mind games or be anyones victim again.

Helen Reddy is back in my head and no ones ever gonna keep me down again.

pollyx

newroadahead

Polly

I am a lurker on this thread but just wanted to say you should be so proud of yourself for having gone through so much and come out the other side

I love the Shirley Valentine film and the song I am sure there are a lot of people me included who think how we changed ourselves to suit others and in some way lost the person we were

As I have got older some of the younger generation I work with all think I am a wise old owl and have answers for most things. Not really true

I am always reminded of a conversation I had with a young graduate many years ago. I worked for a company and had a team of staff aged 18 to 65 and this young man felt the older folks were slow and didn't want to take on new technology
We went and had a chat and I told him that they had something he would take a while to obtain and that was  knowledge and wisdom and these come with age and experience
He did listen and even used my words in his farewell speech

I know I have gone slightly off track but what I am trying to say is all our life experiences both good and bad make us the people we are today and reading this thread and yours and many other folks stories makes me realise how much we can all learn from each other

I also believe others will also try to make us feel that everything is our fault and sometimes it should be those others who need to look in the mirror and their own actions before critiscing us

Thank you Polly and others 

NRA xxx

pollyanna_26

Thank you NRA. Such a lovely reply. You are so right about wisdom coming with age and expereince. I am in my early 70s and if I venture an opinion or offer advice

it's sometimes met with Oh but you're old and out of touch now. My friends online know more than you. Well as far as I know I still have all my marbles. Shortly before my middle daughter cut herself off she offered to do one of those dementia tests with a tray and objects under a cloth after she refused to believe some fact I'd mentioned.

I told her not to bother but asked how many Prime Ministers she'd like me to name becuse I knew every one since the war years and that was before I was born.

It is younger dd contacting her that triggered the outburst a few days ago. I'm actually glad it happpened because after decades of never really having time to think or do much I enjoy in life I have had a few days of Headspace.

It still seems strange that a The girl who used to be me and Helen Reddy have cleared my head in just a few days. I feel free of the past now.

I actually went on UTube not something I often do and listened to the Girl who used to be Me. The shorter version from the film not the longer rambling one and now feel fine.

I do agree with others who need to look in the mirror as nowadays as there are many blaming others for their own shortcomings these days it seems to be very common.

When my youngest was diagnosed with BPD she started an online private support group. The other night I had the various opinions on me from some of those members thrown at me by her. Pointless saying blaming others, twisting reality and ptojecting blame are some common things many with Borderline Personality Display.

Well I'm relieved to feel like myself again after all those years. I might actually get back to my long neglected but much loved gardening when Spring arrives and do some crafting and other things I enjoy. I have spent decades rushing here and there without much me time and really lost myself along the way.

It's lovely to hear from you and you're very welcome to join us if you wish.

Take Care.

pollyx

MingVase

GO POLLY! GARDEN! DIGDIGDIG! and on cold or rainy days KNITKNITKNIT!  I've got the idea to knit ( cant sew) a cushion cover for Spring. Nice bright young cheerful colours. Thinking onnit.

greenbee

Polly - you can garden today I've just been out cutting back the leaves on the hellebores so I can see the flowers that are starting to emerge. And found some other things to do while I was there... 

MrsCD

Polly, now that you are getting your life back a bit,  in the words of Val Doonican, (showing my age) Walk tall, walk straight and look the world right in the eye!
You are not responsible for what others think or do, only yourself.
xx

pollyanna_26

MingVase said:

GO POLLY! GARDEN! DIGDIGDIG! and on cold or rainy days KNITKNITKNIT!  I've got the idea to knit ( cant sew) a cushion cover for Spring. Nice bright young cheerful colours. Thinking onnit.

What are you like Mar. When storm Arwen raged across the uk killing my gas boiler on the way it took me two days to work out why I was bloomin' freezing. It was only when the hot water ran out I investigated.

Out came all the very heavy knitted throws and cushions to replace the normal ones. cushion covers are a quick. and easy way to use up some of the yarn stash and warmer and cosier than cotton or linen .

I love different variations of moss stitch and they make nice snuggly cushion covers with a good texture.

I can recall monna making cushion covers as Christmas gifts in the past.

I do have some patterns but you can actually make up yours as you go along it's that easy.

I can survive whatever the weather throws my way with warm and snuggly blankets , throws and cushions. However I will not forgive Storm Arwen

I'm sure we never had so many until they started naming them.

pollyx

 

Floss

@mothernerd i think it will be current values of the properties that count for valuing your mum's estate, not what was paid for them. Please get them 'valued for probate purposes' by a surveyor (not an estate agent) paid for by the estate & not you.

monnagran

mothernerd, please take that advice from Floss.  You really need an up to date professional assessment of the values of
 the houses before you make any decision.

POLLYANNA,!!!   You have the memory of several elephants ( eyes off Ming, they are nothing to do with you.)
You remember things about me that I have long forgotten.  It's a bit unnerving.
I did indeed knit cushion covers, mostly because I saw how much they were charging in the shops.  I still have quite a few knocking around in a bag somewhere waiting for the day when I finally become like any other reasonable person and sew them together.

You are all quite right about the fact that very many of us are  looking back in awe and wonder at the people we once were.
It takes a lot of time, some miserable experiences and a certain degree of self-knowledge before we are capable of looking in the mirror of reality instead of the mirror of other people's opinions.

With age comes the ability to be honest about ourselves and surround ourselves with friends who are honest too.
Then we can really be the people we were meant go be.

Of course, some people never achieve that.  I feel sorry for them.
 

weenancyinAmerica

Mentioning Helen Reddy brings back memories. I used to work in Los Angeles at the Genealogical Library and she would come into visit. I was president of the British Isles Family History Society at the time (as well as the only librarian at the library). She came in and donated a lot of material on Australia for us.