The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

mothernerd

Thanks, it was very therapeutic (and believe it or not, I actually cut out a lot of what I had written). It always sounds as though I'm exaggerating when I say that all those 'life events' which push you over the edge, my life runs at a 2.5 average (where 2 means you have serious problems and 3 you're lucky to still be standing). The roller coaster of OH's gambling stretched from my finding out when I was expecting DS3 until we divorced when DS3 was 3 yo. In that 3.5 years, in addition to the things I've already mentioned, he had numerous contracts, the one he took just before DS3 was born lasted about 6 months and there were 9 changes to the working pattern in that time - I had it written out on a wall planner so I knew when he was coming home but it just ended up a mass of black and him coming home every third weekend.

When he started the contract he paused for a drink on the way from the train station to his lodgings and his bags were stolen - two weeks worth of white pure cotton shirts, underwear, work trousers and suit jacket, his camera bag with hundreds of pounds worth of equipment. His gambling would be reduced for a while and then he would relapse (I always had to find out when I was opening the credit card statements, he never told me). He also had the business check book stolen by two girls who used it to buy a car (separate occasion) and he also contracted Bell's Palsy and was unable to work for a couple of months. Just after we divorced there was an IRA bomb planted on the train he was using. It was a new contract and I did not have any way of contacting him (had previously used his work's number). Took me two weeks to get in touch, only for him to tell me it was none of my business - I would still have had 3 small children who had lost their father. He was aware of the bomb because his bike was kept chained up by the police along with all the cars outside the railway station, until they had concluded their investigation.

Hoping everyone has a good night's sleep and a lovely Sunday. I've done a bit of work outside but it chucked it down every time I put my head out of the door, so not a lot.

pollyanna_26

The one thing i can say about toxic ex husbands mothernerd is it's a blessed relief when they're out of your families lives. Mine never paid a bill. My name on the mortgage and bills meant it was none of his concern.He never gambled but drank nonstop. After one of his arrests blood tests found levels of alcohol and mind bending drugs that would have flattened an Elephant. Police surgeon couldn't understand how he functioned at all yet he turned into work everyday- there was an under the radar system where 100% of the work force  would turn up for work but 50% went awol afterwards.

I couldn't understand why he'd show up at the shops , along the roads or where I was working when he was supposed to be over 20 miles away.It was only after someone fell into the dock on the Mersey from a ship and they had to do a head count that they found only 50% of the workforce present. He was in the offices so no idea how he got away with it but he did.

Three court case he'd ignored the judge twice. Third time the injunction with power of arrest was changed to enduring power of arrest. he was warned not to come within 20 miles of us or he was looking at a long term of imprisonment. He hadn't liked being in the cells and had kicked a police van to bits as they tried to get him to the police stationv so he slunk away and we all collapsed in a heap.

I think I was reaching the point of insanity myself until that last court case. Look away Mar! I'd be hanging washing out in the back garden and my eyes would stray to some pretty blue and white flowering plants. Blocked from the children but there for the memories of my dad and grandads gardens and allotments. There was the memory of them pulling flowers out of my mouth and telling me they were poison. I used to ponder a while and think no he's not worth it, think of the children.

he used to drink very strong coffee. One day he came in when he should have been at work and demanded a coffee. Back then I used to put a little bleach in his mugs and cups as the strength of his coffee stained them very badly. I used to top up with cold water then give them a good rinse and wash properly. I forgot about the bleach and just tipped the mug out and made him a drink. It was only when I went back into the kitchen I realised what I'd done. Pacing back and forth thinking of the children and mum in prison.

He called through to me" That was a decent drink for once, I'll have another one" oh the relief. I washed his mug out very carefully and took him another drink. Two lessons from that concentrate on what  you're doing and you're someone who happily smiles at flowers remembering the past.

Wishing you a restful night. We've been having flashes of lightning but no thunder so far.

MrsCD

Just catching up and counting my blessings..... Sending caring loving hugs to all who need one.

monnagran

I've spent so long reading that I've no time now to post.

Mothernerd, I read your post with incredulity.  I just wish I was close enough to give you a rib-cracking hug.

Pollyanna, you have had enough of my virtual hugs so I'll blow kisses this time.

All well here.  x

LameWolf

maddiemay said:

Pollyanna and Hester  

Hello, not a usual poster here, but having just seen the comments regarding DVDs, one can buy what is called an external dvd/cd writer/player, I recently bought a slightly smaller laptop without a tray, but got one of those from my local PC business (who sort everything out for me) for £32.95, someone in family might be able to source one for you Hester on the internet at a better price.

Take care all. 
MM

Hi Fencers, sorry for long absence, RL getting in the way of forum time.

Anyways, here's a URL to get you started on searching for external DVD players.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=dvd+drive+external&i=computers&crid=3J5TGDNATS21U&sprefix=dvd,aps,168&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_3_3

Gotta go, I have medical appts at 2 unfamiliar locations next week, (thankfully both within MK) and we need to do a recce so as to know where to go on the fateful days.

pollyanna_26

LameWolf said:

maddiemay said:

Pollyanna and Hester  

Hello, not a usual poster here, but having just seen the comments regarding DVDs, one can buy what is called an external dvd/cd writer/player, I recently bought a slightly smaller laptop without a tray, but got one of those from my local PC business (who sort everything out for me) for £32.95, someone in family might be able to source one for you Hester on the internet at a better price.

Take care all. 
MM

Hi Fencers, sorry for long absence, RL getting in the way of forum time.

Anyways, here's a URL to get you started on searching for external DVD players.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=dvd+drive+external&i=computers&crid=3J5TGDNATS21U&sprefix=dvd,aps,168&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_3_3

Gotta go, I have medical appts at 2 unfamiliar locations next week, (thankfully both within MK) and we need to do a recce so as to know where to go on the fateful days.

Thanks for the link Wolfie. Wishing you well with the recce and both appts. I still think of you both when I light the evening candle.

pollyxx

Florenceem

I will copy a post I have made on another thread - 
I had pain in my face yesterday - it got worse during the night. Phoned my dentist - all emergency appointments for today are gone. I was on the phone for 40 minutes to be told that. Not even sure if it is a tooth. The left side of my face hurts - pain goes to my ear and up into my head plus I can't open my mouth very much without it hurting. My Dad suffered with Neuralgia - maybe I have got that. 
My face hurts to touch - I wondered at first if I had Slapped Cheek again but I don't have the redness.
Mr F struggles to hear me normally - now I am talking with my mouth half closed - having to repeat myself all the time.

burtha

oh Florence, that sounds painful,  hopefully you have lots of painkillers and a dentist appointment tomorrow 

feels like I've been missing ages , poor internet for last week and life sucks a bit the week before . food shop , meal prep , stuff for the kids before we jumped into the moterhome.. . plus my wonderful son in law , lost his brother in a RTA just before my holiday started , he's understandably devastated  , 21 year old . 
so my plans changed a bit . hey ho .. 

any way,  currently we are in Somerset  .. in a field , reading , sleeping , walking in the rain and sun at times , making nice food , still in my pjs now drinking coffee and catching up . 

love the caterpillars 

don't think any of us here have failed at parenting  , despite what the world has thrown at us 

right I'm off to do a happy dance on some wet grass to bring out the sun , wish me luck 

LameWolf

@burtha I'm sorry to hear about your son-in-law's brother. Such a waste of a life.

pollyanna_26

burtha 21 is so young so very sad to lose the years to come. The motorhome has really been a good idea. It's good to just get up and go whenever you're able and make the most of your holidays and the school ones. Take care and keep dancing.

Florence Worth having a look on the NHS webite at TMD (Temporomandibular Disorder) It can be painful and unpleasant while it lasts but often is a one off and painkillers can help. I've had it over the years and learned there are some foods which I shouldn't try to chew as it triggers it.

It could be something dental you're experiencing but sounds more TMD. I'm not a Dr but worth a look at the NHS site.

Would it be easier writng little notes for your husband at the moment? Less painful for you and probably less frustrating for him, my mum was very patient but the deafness upset and frustrated her. She had aids but nowhere like the modern ones nowadays so sometimes she wouldn't use them which made communicating even harder.

Hope the reccies went well Wolfie and whether the apppts are for your husband , you or one each they go well. It's good Mr Wolf is doing well and I hope you are too your four footed friends always make a difference.

Nice and sunny here with a lovely breeze. Only thing different today is my milk wasn't outside this morning.In the past there have been a few traffic incidents with the tanker or a float so I hung on until an hour ago to contact the dairy. New man doing the delivery today. Remembered my usual one normallyhas some holiday time during school holidays. New man had missed me so I've told them tomorrow will be OK. Order is every other day so need to remember to bring it in.

Hope you're managing ok VJ.

Take care all

pollyx