The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

pollyanna_26

mothernerd said:

It's too hot for me and I'm feeling tearful. Think it's the hayfever. I take Loratadine but forget how weepy it can sometimes make me. I want to go to town/ my house. Well want is too strong as I'm afraid of the state sponsored insanity. But I have stuff for the charity shop, a couple of my bath sheets to take to my house and I need drinks. I've been on filtered tap water for days (mum's water is truly horrible). I'm filtering it, squeezing a bit of lemon juice in and then putting it in the freezer in refilled 1 l bottles but barely keeping up with my intake. Need fizzy water or decaffeinated diet coke (mum's decided it's bad for me - I know it's not great but I don't drink tea or coffee, water and decaff coke are as exciting as my life gets). Ohh could order non-alcoholic wine. We have only a few slices of bread and are low on other things (that's why there's room in the freezer for bottles of water).

Also need a number of items, probably from Wilco - mum wants a sealant gun and a tube of sealant that will do everything (#11 odd as opposed to #2 - 3 - keyboard is muddled and I have no pound sign. Don't know why because I've struggled to use one in recent years, I much prefer the wide toothpaste tube ones you smooth on with a wet finger. I need more bbq skewers for my 'wall' and the can opener is knackered (thought the electric one was gone too). I've been going through my tin store finding ones that have ring pulls.

If I can't persuade myself to get in a taxi, I will put an order in for delivery tomorrow. Just a little one - want to keep trying new tinned pulses and frozen veg recipes.

Last week's episode has had strange effects. Mum's not going to change, she will always be wanting me to be other than I am and believing she has the right to be over involved in my life - my mother thinks my ex OH is the only man I've ever slept with and is always telling people I hate men. I have no problem with men, just a very low tolerance for idiots. But perversely, her outrageous insults have bolstered my self-confidence. I was feeling wobbly, now I've snapped back into being me and I like me. I'm finding it easier to eat less and eat more good for me things. But I'm doing it for me, not mum. I'm a good person, I try my best in difficult circumstances and I deserve to enjoy life. I'll never sit twiddling my thumbs and wondering what to complain about next. Even if I lost my sight (which is what I most dread) I have read enough books in my life to be able to retell myself a story.

I've also had a lot of practice for going blind. My 'auntie' (woman who looked after me before my mum gave up work when my brother was born) took me for my initial eye exam. She told me that if I was good and wore my glasses, my eyes would get better and I wouldn't need them (this was true for her adopted daughter who had astigmatism). I made the mistake of saying this to mum who told me auntie was wrong and my eyes would not get better. No further explanation, so 8 yo me understood that my eyes would get worse and worse until I was totally blind.

So for years I practised going up and down stairs in the dark, brushing and combing my hair without using a mirror (using my left hand part of the time in case I lost an arm or hand). It wasn't until I was in my late twenties and the optician said my eyes seemed to have settled that it all came back to me - I'd internalised the things I did and was barely aware of them but continued to practice. In the past few years my eyes have made embroidery increasingly difficult. Wasn't sure if my eyes or my hands (arthritis) would go first. I had to give up working on coloured fabric (bold colours, then pastels) and my pace has slowed. In the days when I had problems sleeping I could sew for 12 or 13 hours, watching an old serial on u-tube, now it's a maximum of a couple of hours a day with good light. However at my last eye exam, I was told there had not been much change. No I'm not going blind anytime soon - happy dance (yes, I asked the optician, that fear seed planted all those years ago is still there).

Thank you for sharing with us polly. I hate that people didn't think children should have things explained properly to them, it's so damaging. Also when they praise the war generations and say 'they didn't talk about it' - maybe they didn't but the damage was felt in millions of homes throughout the land in the ways that you described. In Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' it seems astounding that these damaged men should have been seen as perfect people to teach children. By Vietnam the cracks were more apparent - as many American veterans have committed suicide as were killed during the conflict and I remember the stories of men trained in jungle warfare who killed their own children when they crept up on them. Nowadays soldiers are more likely to end up on the streets than the general population (because they can't adapt to civilian life) and also be in prison (because it offers asimilar regimented lifestyle). 

As Jimi Hendrix said "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace".  

I know you're a regular Wilko shopper so was I . It started getting too crowded after being really well monitored and a lot of people stopped social distancing , following the arrows and soon were doubling back pushing peple aside andd forcing their way to the shelves.

I started to feel quite uncomfortable. Where we would pop for a few things every few weeks I was doing big shops every month or so , that meant I had a trolley and trying to steer away from the one's doing their own thing, the wait at the checkouts was longer and the customer behind me would be breathing down my neck and nudging me aside before I could start trying to pack anything.

I think you had fence and other paint from there. DId you buy it instore or order online? Youngest and I decided to combine on an order. She's still hunkering down with still WFH boyfriend and hasn't been in a shop since her last face to face appt with Superdoc on Feb 14th last year the next 2 weekly one he'd booked in as his printer was spitting out the prescriptions was cancelled the day after the first . Changing to online, text, patient website, video if you like choose what suits you and I will contact you that day and for all your 2 week checks. Stay indoors we're putting a guide on the website.

So I started the little Coop near the surgery , also Sbs in town for a while the staff were great but some customers were a nightmare ignoring everything.and it was all security guards trying to get trouble makers outside the store.

I've shopped for years in Marks food hall,not lots of stuff but certain things so I started going in there after picking up dds meds then straight out to the hackney rank and head to hers . I did miss all the things you need a big supermarket for or a wilkinsons like ours with a very wide range of things.

dd and I wrote a long list each and ordered it to hers. I've been the one doing some shopping for myself and some for them though they do a fair bit of ordering online. I'm the one doing the pharmacyh so my orders go to theirs where her bf sorts them.

So the big wilko order went off. Luckily we were in the time frame for free next day del. It's surprising how much there was for much less than we'd thought. It  was like walking round the store without the hassle.

Could you order the things you need online?

I'm glad you managed to sort some things with mum. Do you think she'll agree to you being there overninght but in your home or out doing things you need to do in the daytime? We can chat about htat on the other thread .

I'm gong to have to get a glass of water I'm scatteting typos today and althogh there's a big rotating fan aimed at it the laptop is playing up. Think i need to shut it down for a while and turn the fan in my direction.

pollyx

MrsCD

Wow, what amazing life stories. The thought comes to mind, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." These truly inspirational ladies are proof of that. I want to clap and cheer them on!

MrsCD

Too hot to do anything more than hang washing on the line, so I finished the Skimmer Socks (by Sheila Toy Stromberg.)

Florenceem

MrsCD - love the socks.
I am attempting to crochet an octopus - definitely - attempting at the moment.

monnagran

Loving all your posts.

Polly, did I ever tell you that I love you?

Mothernerd, my arms will stretch enough to go round you too!

Appalled, but sadly unsurprised, at the damage the church has managed to do to so many people.  Unfortunately the church is not immune to housing some quite nasty people.  I always say that there are as many Christians outside the church as in.  They may not know that they are Christians, but they are certainly living a Christian life.
As my hero Jesus was reported as saying, "Not everyone who says, Lord, Lord will enter the Kingdom of Heaven............many will say, (I'm paraphrasing here) did we not live holy lives and do all the right things?  And I will tell them, 'I never knew you.  Get away from me, you evil doers."
He had plenty to say about hypocrites.  Whited sepulchres, he called them.
No.  I have a feeling that God has no use for the smug.

I feel for anyone who has had an unloved childhood.  Most childhoods have aspects that could have come straight from a Grimm's fairy tale, but most things could be borne if there was a loving family, or even just one person, in the background.
Living through the war was no picnic, but at least I was surrounded by a posse of adoring females.
I was not amused afterwards when not only my father but an unwanted brother (I had ordered a sister called Ruth) appeared on the scene.  I decided that men were not to be tolerated, particularly as one thought he had the right to tell me what to do, and the other took away all the adult's attention that was rightfully mine.

Burtha, you sound so happy these days.  You are a great example of someone who has, what seems to be an unmitigated disaster, but turns out to be the best thing that could have happened to you.
I hope 3mw rots in hell.

Now, there's a nice Christian note for me to finish on.

MrsCD

@Florenceem, I did have a chuckle at crocheting an octopus. It sounds similar to knitting with a hedgehog. That's what knitting with DPNs (double pointed needles) feel like. I'm glad I discovered short circulars for making socks.😁

mothernerd

MrsCD said:

Wow, what amazing life stories. The thought comes to mind, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." These truly inspirational ladies are proof of that. I want to clap and cheer them on!

Nietzsche's always dodgy. I prefer "What doesn't kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a very dark sense of humour." 

My brother was feeling guilty because we'd been laughing and joking around the bin (so my brothers could smoke) just 2 days after I'd found my father dead. I had been trying to winkle out any good memories of childhood with father. The nearest they got was about going on one of those wavy slides on holiday. He decided to show them 'how it was done'. Baby brother tried to tell him that the man in charge had just poured fresh wax down the slide but middle child shushed him. They watched as he shot up into the air and then landed hard on each bump all the way down. They were laughing their heads off but then had to put on serious faces and ask if he were all right. 

In turn I told them what had happened the previous C'mas Eve and suggested we make donations to the local animal rescue. He'd related this tale to his colleagues (there was queue at the mortuary and once we'd cleared all the rubbish from the house there was nothing for him to do until we knew more so he went back to work). One of them said, he must not have meant what he said to me, he must have been joking and brother thought '"You don't know my father." I told him that humour was an excellent survival tool.

pollyanna_26

I'm going to need to read properly and respond to the lovely posts. I very much agree "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I didn't realise it at the time but over the years little by little it's as though a rod of steel is forged down your spine.

I was a quiet child, happy to sit on a little red leather topped stool in the adult library while mum chose her latest Miss Read and other favourites.

I became a still polite but determined child. I can read and I need a ticket. How old are you? I'm still 3 but I'm nearly 4. I think I got my 3rd ticket when I turned 5.

The librarian was lovely quite young , the chief librarian did not like children and would glare at me and shoo me away.

One day the nice librarian lifted the flap when the dragon was away and showed me what was behiind the counter. Boxes of returned books .Some books needing repair and a date stamp and ink pad.

I asked my mum if she knew what was behind the library counter and she said probably books, I told her I knew a secret but she mustn't tell because it's a secret. Looking a bit concerned and said whisper it. I told her about the stamper and the ink and she mustn't tell or Father Christmas wont bring them.

It's only in recent times I've tried to answer questions I never knew I had through life.  Where did they find a date stamp and ink pad not long after WW2 when there was still some rationing , factories and shops had been bombed and there were bombsites all over the place where homes had once stood.

We had a big timber yard at the bottom of the road built straight across so there was no exit at that end so anyone living or visitng had to enter or leave at the top end. That timber yard had gone up in flames many times and  lit up the skies many times..

There was a big factory on the road next to us Johnsons Dye Works. In the next road there were bomb sites where a number of houses once stood so it seemed the factory was the target. I never discovered if they were dyeing cloth for the armed services uniforms or producing something totally different . no one knew, if you worked there you couldn't tell.

I still haven't worked out when we moved there .after my brother died. There is no one left to ask. Myself , sisters and cousins are now the older generation . I only know we moved quickly my memory of the ambulance taking my brother to hospital again and one day realising I was sitting at a very long table with flags and lots of food also pictures in the windows.

We must have moved quickly bit I have no memory of Mum, dad and me leaving that prefab. Anything being packed.

When I looked around me the houses were all joined together there were doorsteps but no garden just pavement. When my dad fianally carried me into the house I didn't recognise that either. There were a numberof rooms downstairs. The front one was big and we rarely used it.It was called the Parlour. The Dr , Priest or in the future A Nun with a complaint would be shown in to there.

I adopted it I wasn't allowed out on Sundays after church and my first sister hadn't yet been born so I would read , or sit thinking. Sometimes on hot sunny day a memory would niggle but only on hot sunny days.

My sisters arrived one after another so it became my space. I was at school and they weren't.

One day hot and sunny I laid my head on the wide arm of the leather sofa and a memory came back two ambulance men wheeling a stretcher out of the front door with the Dr behind them. I'd had my head on the arm of the sofa then and smelt hot leather and I was seeing it again . One of the men said something like don't worry love he'll soon be back. I'd seen him taken into an ambulance many times but this time I thought I'll never see him again. He didn't. So 2 0r maybe3 years must have gone by between my brother being wheeled out and me suddenly coming to at a street party in a place I didn't know strangers I didn't know except mum, a couple of aunties and young cousins . Dad was probably overseeing a banquet at the big hotel.

When those of us heading for further education in the sxth form were studying hard there were only a few of us so they put us in the MI room. That began to be a problem with nurses doing inspection , dental examinations and other things.

The nuns decided we could finally be trusted to study elsewhere a number went to the localv library or studied at home.

Myself and my friends we would go to the Picton Library in the city .where some of us had spent lots of time.

I not only studied but went into other sections were there was local history and lots of things I didn't know.I remember I wanted to know about the years from my birth to when I was at that street party. They held all sorts of records but I never got very far because I knew my mum only widowed a few years earlier who had never worked outside the homes since marrying my dad during the war and had her first child born with spina bifida and asthma,bronchiitis and pleurisy the same three conditions that laid my dad low each winter was out working to let me have the education school , she and others wanted me to have.

So I laid aside my wonder about the little boy she never spoke of. We knew we had had a brother and he was with the angels. No one really spoke of him , my favourite aunt who would talk of things the others wouldn't said he was a lovely little boy always smiling he belonged to the cubs and the cubs and scouts would call for him and he had lots of fun. He was very clever so that may be where you get your brains from. he loved his little sister.

I tried to ask her about when and how he died, years later I realised I should have looked at his birth and death records even the parish records from Bootle would have had information . Auntie said best leave things there. You go and make him proud  he will be watching over you because he loved you.

Don't ask your mum questions she's had two big losses without family and freinds you don't remember.

So there it stayed I did what everyone wanted for me then one day I stood on a hot sunny day on the railway embankment  a little way away from the entrance those trains would pull into Lime St Station from . We heard the roar and the whistles and then saw the steam as it thundered past with the rather hot looking fireman and the guard hanging out of the windows waving to us . It was both beautiful and very sad Bob and his best friend and other drivers firemen and guards watched it all the way in to the station.  They were all devestated, They would get to do steam work again on charted trips which would bring in big money for the company.

The steam hats many held in their hands would be surplus to requirements the next day. On that day they would no longer work for LMS- London, Midland and Scotland region a badge they wore proudly on their jackets.

They would be British Rail and in time to come would find themselves working from the same depot for whichever franchise offered the best price.

So we'd watched history the last official LMS steam train to complete it's journey It would rest over and then steam out of the station for the last time.

Although the weather was beautiful they were all very sad amd gloomy. They'd all be measured for their new uniforms to collect from the stores so I said come on it's a lovely day pick up your things you can get close up to 5110 in the station you will all work it again at some point and there's always the royal train  as we walked along Bob said well that's my life as good as over. I said oh don't be daft.

He looked at me and then said I don't supposed you'd think of getting married? His friend was appalled. Why would you want to get married ? I started infant school with you and I'm your best friend we don't need women. Who would you have to visit the depots and go to open days with ?

There was a deathly hush everyone shuffling their feet we started walking to the station . Bob said sorry that was a bit sudden, would you think about marrying me?

We married a year later in the for my mum church wedding. 14 months later our son was born. He learned every route , depot,engine no , named ones  where they were built , depot code before he started school.lots of pictures of him on his dads knee in the cab often in woollen mothercare outfit with a matching bobble hat.

So he followed his dad and eventually became third generation driver. He trained as a guard in the deopt here , passed out as a driver. A few years later the company were looking for drivers to relocate as they were over staffed and he was bored driving back and forth commuter trains.

He went to where the railways began and became a mainline driver. He then opted for doing longer runs to London , Scotland etc. He became a senior driver , young driver instructor and would often go into schools to frighten the living daylights out of any one who thought playing chicken with the trains was good fun.

When he was a driver on the commuter line here it happened a lot. one day he saw three young lads not far ahead running  backwards and forwards across hte lines.He blew the horn ,dropped his speed and activated the dead mans handle.Two lads got to the edge of the track , the other went under the cab.

All he could do was to call through to the railway police and wait. The lad lived but without his legs.

Drivers and other staff are given counselling and as much time off work as they need whether a fatality or near miss. The driver , guard and anyone else have to stay with the train now and are looked over before giving their statements.

It wasn't so good in his dad's day . He had a mainline fatality out of the blue he blew the whistle sounded the horn hit the dead mans handle as he saw a young man run across the track out of nowhere. Then he noticed there were two dogs on the line one runnng around the other seemed to have it's legs trapped. There was nothing he could do it takes timeto stop a big train on te mainline.

The train hit all three,He wasn't give much time off work or any counselling. There had to be an inquest. The young mans parents were there and were lovely . They had warned him often not to walk the dogs near the railway and never off the leads but he never took any notice so it was his own fault.

That helped a lot.

Well I've been doing some thinking. At some timeI have to find out about my brother. I have realised as far as I know I am the only member of my generation who saw him.

If things settle virus wise. I need to look up those records and also see if anyone knows what was happening with me.

I have one cousin the same age as me. My mothers older sister, the one who knew dad was dying and .kept it quiet for mums sake.Had an adopted son. She and her husband were unable to have children so adopted a baby. His birthday was the day after mine but he was a leap year baby and we'd tease each other who was oldest.

I remember him playing in ourgarden at the prefab and sometimes at dads and the two grandads allotments. there are photos of us both on little three wheeler bikes. Two are clearly our prefabs garden because you can see the church\ spire in the background.

Others will be further away because they lived a prefab like ours but further away. I know we used to playtogether a lot.

I've now noticed our three wheeler bikes are bigger in some of the photos from his garden. There is still that gap of a few years between my brother going to hospital and me realising I was living somewhere else.

I can remember playing with him I wonder if there was a time when my brother died that I was living with him and his parents .I can remember the inside and gardens ofhis home as clearly as I can remember mine.

He joined a group in the 60s and would send postcards, reocrds and other things. He was always on the move but we didsee each other at family dos from time.

The last time I saw him was at my mums funeral 20years ago but I haven't seen or heard from him since.

This post has got way too long. I started thinking things through and went all over the place. It's partly remembering the past recently and also finding that period of time I don't clearly remember.

I'm not sure if this will even post. I'll probably delete it anyway to stop cluttering up the thread.

FEEL FREE NOT TO READ MY RAMBLINGS.pollyx

Hard_Up_Hester

Don't delete your post Polly, it's very interesting.

Floss

Polly, your posts are really interesting - if you join Ancestry you will be able to do your family research from home, and be able to locate graves for your loved ones. Census records, parish records, birth marriage & death certificates are all online.