The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

annieb64

Shirley Good had a blog . I still use some of her recipes especially the sticky toffee pudding. The Paupers Cookbook was the first cookery book I ever bought. My copy is very tattered now.

mothernerd

pollyanna_26 said:

mothernerd said:

My suitcase is under mum's bed, with some of her clothes in. I persuaded her to put some of her 'less used' (only worn when we go away on holiday) clothes away, moved her everyday clothes into the wall of hanging space cupboards in her room, which gave me access to wardrobe space (mostly used for storing tins and cooking supplies as there isn't much room in the kitchen).

We had 'words' yesterday. Well mum had lots of words and I just listened. Not going to talk about it, still digesting/ trying to make sense of it (especially the bit in the middle which was about wrongs done by my father and her 'so called friends', 30, 40 or 50 years ago). Another dollop of uncertainty in my life, just what I need. Ah well, this too shall pass (definitely like a kidney stone).

Sorry I missed this. I know both your mum and yourself aren't in good health is there a chance she's feeling stuck indoors , confined , frustrated or maybe fearing losing control of her home and her way.

I know you are very , very careful to involve her in what meals what to do around the house.etc. She used to be able to go on holidays and trips with you pre covid  or shopping etc.

Perhaps she fears she will never see normal again. I've mainly stayed close to home apart from meds ,shopping and seeing youngest. We're both double jabbed but Freedom Day has thrown a curve ball.Numbers up again here and the hospital she visited last week has new Covid admissions after being declared Covid free.

The anxiety is back for youngest Dr on the landline yesterday stay indoors. There is no guidance for the ECV but I know dd will hunker down as she did after the first call last year to stay indoors.

Can you let whatever complaints dating back 30, 40  or 50 years ago pass you by. Not your circus and not your monkeys.

My eldest dd offered to come from Yorkshire a few months ago to do my gardening . I thanked her but had a niggle did she think I was past doing it myself? Soon realised I was being stupid.

I know there are still hotspots in Mcr and Bolton as there are in this region. I was watching Andy Burnham and Steve Rotherham along with othe regional and metro mayors demanding face masks on public transport.

I have no idea how mobile your mum is although I remember she uses a walker. Is it likely you could take her for a small amble just for a change of scene. No idea how far you are from the canal you sometime s visit but is it nearby and quiet?

She may just have run out of something interesting to say so says the first thing that comes into her head.

She is aware you are there to keep her safe and after independance may find that hard to take.

Get yourself some food and see what happens.  if she starts talking ask her how she's feeling and if anything would help.

Maybe talking of possible future coach trips , holidays may calm the situation.

Just tell yourself you've gone above and beyond , bit your lip and kept your patience.

I know you've been shifting soil around but is the back garden anywhere near sitting out in ? The weather looks pretty good over the next few days so would a little afternoon tea be doable?

pollyx

Thanks for your kind words. We are both ill. I think we have the same bug but mum has had it longer and is suffering more. She started complaining about feeling full and feeling sick (but hasn't actually been sick until last Saturday - in the middle of the night). She hasn't been eating much, mostly tinned soup, rice pudding, tinned fruit. I have bought lots of things to encourage her to eat and I have asked if she wants something when I am going to cook.  I haven't done Sunday dinner for 2 weeks, I asked first if she felt up to it and she said no she would just have x,y,z. Strangely she was fancying 'something with chips' but then announced she didn't like the oven chips I had bought. It's even in the back of my mind that a recent visitor "oh well, I did a test last night and it was negative" has given us COVID, as I'm finding things taste strange. 

I know she feels she's lost control and I've also probably withdrawn a bit as I am not in great shape atm. I realised about a week ago that the garden is a displacement activity to avoid thinking about circumstances I can't do much about (have been working on getting life more balanced). She's obviously been turning these things over in her mind for a while and yesterday she got it off her chest, quite tearfully and a little incoherently. In brief I think there were 3 parts to it.

1    I need to go and see the doctor as I have an eating disorder and should not be eating the way I am. I will have a heart attack and she can't look after me. She is worrying herself to death.
I am aware that I am overweight and I'm an emotional eater. I'm doing what I can to limit my intake of 'bad things' but atm I'm losing the battle. It does not help if someone comments every time you put something in your mouth. She's taking my problem and making it all about her.

2    She can't 'go through with me what she went through with my dad'. This was the bit I didn't understand. My father was not a nice person, we were all trained to tiptoe round him as though he was a barrel of dynamite. But her bad marriage was my childhood (which I choose not to dwell on as I can't do anything to help that little girl) and I'll never be rid of all the consequences of that, I just choose to have the best life I can. Which particular part of 'life with dad' relates to me now, I don't understand (except that comparing me to him is the worst possible insult and the most hurtful).

Humorous aside. When he came in from the pub, my father would change the channel on the tv. Not because there was something he wanted to watch but to emphasise that it was his tv, his house. However there were only 3 channels then, so when I heard him coming up the path, I changed the channel. We had a 50/ 50 chance of him turning back to the programme we were actually watching. What doesn't kill you gives you a very dark sense of humour and a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

3    She wants her own little house back. She wants me to go home. No hurry but I must start 'putting a rocket' under 'them 2' (they'd squash it).
Last Saturday I had trouble getting to sleep. Just as I was starting to doze, I heard mum. She was in the bathroom but had been sick on the bed (+ other problems). It was ages before she was well enough to go back to bed and I had to help her. At one point I was supporting most of her weight (her legs kept giving way), my own knee started to click and I though 'What if I can't do this". Then decided I had to do it, failure wasn't an option. 

So she needs someone there. Ideally I' m working towards sleeping here (at the bungalow) so I'm here when she wakes and when she goes to sleep, but having a couple of days a week where I go home (or to town or for a long walk) like a proper day off. And I need to get outside the gate for a walk every day. In the meantime I haven't been able to get home for over two weeks and mum's going round locking me in at 6 pm in the evening.

It is what it is, a work in progress. Yes the back yard is very nearly done, the row of container bags along the fence are in, filled and have broccoli/ cabbage in them (the end I started at they're really big now and then they go down in size to the ones that only got out of their 2 l pots last night). The second 8' raised bed has just gone into place - need to go back out and fill it and then plant it. Today has been slow because I had to move things out of the way (everything but the raised bed off the tables so I could move it, luckily a lot of the rest was containers that have had the contents rehomed, all the edging stones - only a few inches, and all the buckets used this week for digging out soil and stones).

A haiku about growing old
I am so tired
Where did all my money go
My back is aching

My body is a temple. Ancient and crumbling, probably cursed or haunted

pollyanna_26

I'd forgotten the Paupers cookbook i wonder how many of us were cooking similar things over the years.

I did follow Shirley's blog. It became obvious she was struggling towards the end but she was a very determined lady wanting to pass on the things she'd learned over the years.

There were gaps between her posts and then I think it was a relative who gave the news that Shirley was at peace. It was like losing a family member. I seem to remember she was honoured in her home town , she's obviously still remembered by many..

Can anyone answer the what are weather worms question? I looked it up yesterday and it came up as a town in Germanty called Worm.

When teaching infants we had different days Flying Ant day and sometimes days. It was like a version of Peter Kay's It's spitting everybody in sketch. Screaming infants , harassed teachers and all hands on deck. Then there were the Ladybirds which would descend like a plague of spotty locusts , the girls quite liked them. Greenfly en masse. We'd be scanning the skies for the next invasion in the warmer weather. As well as the sea we're near Marshland and in would come the bitey things. It's no longer allowed but back then we'd be applying calamine lotion , creams , sprays and whatever came to hand.to the nearest person whether children or us. Those were the days we'd drag ourselves home, no teaching apart from name that bug.

So what are weather worms?

pollyx

Floss

nannywindow said:

Mothernerd many hugs to you. I struggle with my father who seems to have a huge chip on his shoulder about his younger days when he believes he had harder times than anyone else. My Dad is 92 this year and can't seem to let things go after all this time....

My middle brother of 3 (2nd oldest, ahead of me) is like this. He's now 60 and has a major grudge against younger brother who is 10 years younger than him "he got a brand new bike, he went on hotel holidays, he got X, Y & Z" but forgets that family circs and income & expenditure were drastically different when we were young & there were three of us within 5 years.

Floss

Info for those going onto NHS premises:

NHS premises are not classed as "public space" and face masks will still be mandatory for those attending GPS, NHS Hospitals, A&E, walk-in centres etc. 

MingVase

Yuk - thankful that I've never experiened a bug day - and never want to. Midges are all I've had to cope with - and you can't cope with them, you retreat fast and stay indoors

I too had that book, the Round About a Pound a Week one. So sad to read about those women's lives then.

"I think my fave of all was Tom Baker and his jelly babies, probably wouldn't be pc these days though to have a strange man offering sweeties around. ."....... Tell me more

boultdj

The Shirley Goode books I got after my Gran died, they fell to bit's over the years, but I've not seen them since this last move.

Florenceem

Heard from my Dental Surgery - masks to be worn.

pollyanna_26

mothernerd said:

pollyanna_26 said:

mothernerd said:

My suitcase is under mum's bed, with some of her clothes in. I persuaded her to put some of her 'less used' (only worn when we go away on holiday) clothes away, moved her everyday clothes into the wall of hanging space cupboards in her room, which gave me access to wardrobe space (mostly used for storing tins and cooking supplies as there isn't much room in the kitchen).

We had 'words' yesterday. Well mum had lots of words and I just listened. Not going to talk about it, still digesting/ trying to make sense of it (especially the bit in the middle which was about wrongs done by my father and her 'so called friends', 30, 40 or 50 years ago). Another dollop of uncertainty in my life, just what I need. Ah well, this too shall pass (definitely like a kidney stone).

Sorry I missed this. I know both your mum and yourself aren't in good health is there a chance she's feeling stuck indoors , confined , frustrated or maybe fearing losing control of her home and her way.

I know you are very , very careful to involve her in what meals what to do around the house.etc. She used to be able to go on holidays and trips with you pre covid  or shopping etc.

Perhaps she fears she will never see normal again. I've mainly stayed close to home apart from meds ,shopping and seeing youngest. We're both double jabbed but Freedom Day has thrown a curve ball.Numbers up again here and the hospital she visited last week has new Covid admissions after being declared Covid free.

The anxiety is back for youngest Dr on the landline yesterday stay indoors. There is no guidance for the ECV but I know dd will hunker down as she did after the first call last year to stay indoors.

Can you let whatever complaints dating back 30, 40  or 50 years ago pass you by. Not your circus and not your monkeys.

My eldest dd offered to come from Yorkshire a few months ago to do my gardening . I thanked her but had a niggle did she think I was past doing it myself? Soon realised I was being stupid.

I know there are still hotspots in Mcr and Bolton as there are in this region. I was watching Andy Burnham and Steve Rotherham along with othe regional and metro mayors demanding face masks on public transport.

I have no idea how mobile your mum is although I remember she uses a walker. Is it likely you could take her for a small amble just for a change of scene. No idea how far you are from the canal you sometime s visit but is it nearby and quiet?

She may just have run out of something interesting to say so says the first thing that comes into her head.

She is aware you are there to keep her safe and after independance may find that hard to take.

Get yourself some food and see what happens.  if she starts talking ask her how she's feeling and if anything would help.

Maybe talking of possible future coach trips , holidays may calm the situation.

Just tell yourself you've gone above and beyond , bit your lip and kept your patience.

I know you've been shifting soil around but is the back garden anywhere near sitting out in ? The weather looks pretty good over the next few days so would a little afternoon tea be doable?

pollyx

Thanks for your kind words. We are both ill. I think we have the same bug but mum has had it longer and is suffering more. She started complaining about feeling full and feeling sick (but hasn't actually been sick until last Saturday - in the middle of the night). She hasn't been eating much, mostly tinned soup, rice pudding, tinned fruit. I have bought lots of things to encourage her to eat and I have asked if she wants something when I am going to cook.  I haven't done Sunday dinner for 2 weeks, I asked first if she felt up to it and she said no she would just have x,y,z. Strangely she was fancying 'something with chips' but then announced she didn't like the oven chips I had bought. It's even in the back of my mind that a recent visitor "oh well, I did a test last night and it was negative" has given us COVID, as I'm finding things taste strange. 

I know she feels she's lost control and I've also probably withdrawn a bit as I am not in great shape atm. I realised about a week ago that the garden is a displacement activity to avoid thinking about circumstances I can't do much about (have been working on getting life more balanced). She's obviously been turning these things over in her mind for a while and yesterday she got it off her chest, quite tearfully and a little incoherently. In brief I think there were 3 parts to it.

1    I need to go and see the doctor as I have an eating disorder and should not be eating the way I am. I will have a heart attack and she can't look after me. She is worrying herself to death.
I am aware that I am overweight and I'm an emotional eater. I'm doing what I can to limit my intake of 'bad things' but atm I'm losing the battle. It does not help if someone comments every time you put something in your mouth. She's taking my problem and making it all about her.

2    She can't 'go through with me what she went through with my dad'. This was the bit I didn't understand. My father was not a nice person, we were all trained to tiptoe round him as though he was a barrel of dynamite. But her bad marriage was my childhood (which I choose not to dwell on as I can't do anything to help that little girl) and I'll never be rid of all the consequences of that, I just choose to have the best life I can. Which particular part of 'life with dad' relates to me now, I don't understand (except that comparing me to him is the worst possible insult and the most hurtful).

Humorous aside. When he came in from the pub, my father would change the channel on the tv. Not because there was something he wanted to watch but to emphasise that it was his tv, his house. However there were only 3 channels then, so when I heard him coming up the path, I changed the channel. We had a 50/ 50 chance of him turning back to the programme we were actually watching. What doesn't kill you gives you a very dark sense of humour and a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

3    She wants her own little house back. She wants me to go home. No hurry but I must start 'putting a rocket' under 'them 2' (they'd squash it).
Last Saturday I had trouble getting to sleep. Just as I was starting to doze, I heard mum. She was in the bathroom but had been sick on the bed (+ other problems). It was ages before she was well enough to go back to bed and I had to help her. At one point I was supporting most of her weight (her legs kept giving way), my own knee started to click and I though 'What if I can't do this". Then decided I had to do it, failure wasn't an option. 

So she needs someone there. Ideally I' m working towards sleeping here (at the bungalow) so I'm here when she wakes and when she goes to sleep, but having a couple of days a week where I go home (or to town or for a long walk) like a proper day off. And I need to get outside the gate for a walk every day. In the meantime I haven't been able to get home for over two weeks and mum's going round locking me in at 6 pm in the evening.

It is what it is, a work in progress. Yes the back yard is very nearly done, the row of container bags along the fence are in, filled and have broccoli/ cabbage in them (the end I started at they're really big now and then they go down in size to the ones that only got out of their 2 l pots last night). The second 8' raised bed has just gone into place - need to go back out and fill it and then plant it. Today has been slow because I had to move things out of the way (everything but the raised bed off the tables so I could move it, luckily a lot of the rest was containers that have had the contents rehomed, all the edging stones - only a few inches, and all the buckets used this week for digging out soil and stones).

A haiku about growing old
I am so tired
Where did all my money go
My back is aching

My body is a temple. Ancient and crumbling, probably cursed or haunted

I am pretty sure you know my youngest dd had a very long history of eating disorders. Never allow anyone family or not to criticise or shame you for an illness.

I've only twice lost my patience with a poster on the OS threads . Once with she with the apostrophes, just coudn't listern to her bizarre rants any longer. No ban just be nice to all moneysavers and a lot of back up.She was last seen wandering the area she'd moved to but loathed refusing to wear a mask due to her human rights.

The other person was a regular poster on a diet . Talking about her wonderful weight loss daily. She than posted Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels and I erupted on the thread and told her never to pass on that stupid throwaway remark by Kate Moss . Loved ones , Drs Medical staff trying to save lives never want to hear that.

My dd was 13 when she had her first long stay in a unit miles from home. Then another some years later. She's had wonderful counselling and is pretty ok now.

You have some good ideas , in your shoes i would take things slowly and quietly. It's a long time since you had to go to take care of mum. sometimes she will remember she depended on you pre pandemic for meds , going to appts etc and keeping things on track.

Have you ordered tests after experiencing symptoms? Take things slowly and for goodness sake cut yourself some slack.  None of us are super heroes and I doubt any of us anticipated still living in these strange times this far on.

Make sure you rest when you need to . I know I nag but you need to look after you too. I know you like your daily gratitudes. see if you can find one for today.

Take care

pollyx

pollyanna_26

MingVase said:

Yuk - thankful that I've never experiened a bug day - and never want to. Midges are all I've had to cope with - and you can't cope with them, you retreat fast and stay indoors

I too had that book, the Round About a Pound a Week one. So sad to read about those women's lives then.

"I think my fave of all was Tom Baker and his jelly babies, probably wouldn't be pc these days though to have a strange man offering sweeties around. ."....... Tell me more

The original version of Avon Skin So Soft oil spray worked very well deterring midges in the Highlands and when dd1was living near the forests. I've still got some years on and it's still effective on the bitey things here.

Tom Baker was my favourite Dr until DT appeared. I knitted loads of those scarves , a good way of using up odds and ends of yarn and earning some cash.

It wasn't very PC for a wee wummin to cover her home in Gingerbread hoping to trap a few children but you tried.

pollyx