The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

monnagran

Sorry to be MIA.  Problems with charging my tablet.  New charger has been purchased and all well.
Lots to catch up on.
Living proof, the best tip I heard was making a trail of sugar from the ants nest into a neighbour's garden.  Never had the nerve to try it myself, I always found that kettles of boiling water did the trick.

burtha

hi ,
ant powder worked when I used it years ago .. just wasn't overnight it did take a while.  
pity I couldn't use that on 3mw  would of saved some cash . 
hopefully it will be a matter of weeks before we can dance on the tables . I probably should have pushed the court thing a bit quicker , but the last year was so  strange I don't think I could have juggled anything more . . 
I'm in the process of getting my youngest dd assessed for autism? adhd ? aspergers?     not sure what if I'm honest . 
trying to work out if her actions were due to the world being mad or something else , then changing gp in the middle of covid , plus she had to work out her dads behaviour to ... and except that it wasn't her fault  . ..and that he wasn't going to come and rescue her , he always played her hero , when I reality it was always me sorting stuff ,
so we are getting there .. 
very strangely I should hear back from the court early July.... 
it was early July 2017 when he left us . . it's been a funny few years . found a very different life to what I had or was expecting.. but I'm still here . 

right I better go to bed . the world of work will be busy tomorrow.  

monnagran

burtha, good luck with having your youngest CD assessed.  It is a tortuous business.  I think that she has probably had a load of change and emotion to deal with.  You obviously did a good job in covering up 3mw's inadequacies and it must have come as a great shock to her, as it did to you.

My boys were 11 and 13 when I succeeded in shedding the ex.  DS1's reaction was, "Oh good.  Can we reconsider having a dog?" and DS2  said anxiously, "We will be keeping the television, won't we?"
So much for the loss of a father.

I'm off to Tesco this morning.  Be still my beating heart!

THOUGHT FOR TODAY 

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

MollyWindley

I'm a lurker who sometimes posts, reading all of your posts about living with children with autism/ADHD has prompted me to jump in and at least chat a little!   My youngest ds ( now 24) has autism, my middle ds has ADHD, and my oldest has what they used to call Aspergers but not sure what they categorise it as now.  My two older sons have the capacity to live independently, in fact the middle one moved in with his girlfriend two months ago and so far is doing very well, she's a single parent with her own problems and they seem to be giving each other support and he has taken to being a stepfather in a way that has both surprised and blessed me!
 My oldest has come back to live with us ( he's in his thirties) just because he can and he's a great help to both me and my husband who have creaked a bit healthwise lately.....my youngest though will probably never live independently, he is just the loveliest person, but has anxiety alongside his autism and a blind spot when it comes to numbers and money.   Looking after the " boys" meant that I gave up work when the youngest one's problems became obvious which was when he was still quite a baby, and is what launched my search for frugality forums ( particularly in the last few years when my dh had heart problems and was made redundant)
This afternoon I am prising youngest ds from his room to take him for a walk, all the courses he was on have been cancelled due to the pandemic, and it's all too easy for him to spend all day in his room drawing or playing computer games.  He is though a good lad and will humour my ideas about exercise and fresh air.............

pollyanna_26

burtha the assessment process can be quite complex and at time overwhelming. Youngest found it difficult and her usaul anxiety became overwhelming. My most vivid memory from over 20 years ago was sitting in one of the hapless psychs big meetings, GP, Head of Education who later supported me to home school successfully. SS. All sorts of various services. He used to have us all sitting in a big circle whike he read from a book he'd just come across on Aspereger's.  Tony Attwood became his Guru.

TBH I'd never heard of Asperger's back then it had just begun to be talked about although Hans Asperger had identified it years before. According to the Psych dd had Asperger's . Highly intelligent, Watched all the Attenborough videos , Studied the planets and Dinosaurs. 20 odd years ago most youngsters were obsessed with Dinosaqurs, pyjamas, backpacks all sorts. I was forever telling my lot no they could not have Turkey Dinosours.

She was interested  in the history of the Dinosours. Anyway the room was hot, he read on and on while all rolled eyes at each other.

Suddenly dd stood up picked up her chair and hurled it in his direction. Everyone was trying not to laugh, our then GP had her hanky over her mouth trying to supress the laughter. I'd been aware of dds knee shaking against mine and she'd obviously had enough. It's story that lasted 20 years , she did a year at a college for Autism which caused a lot of damage. Within a month she was an unpaid member of staff trying to help pupils read , write and how to behave, She was 16 and fixed the faults in the school computers. She was supposed to be there for 3 years but left after one. She'd tried but the help there was on a very basic level. We carried on with home schooling.

I read the awful Tony Attwood book which was useless then started buying from Jessica KIngsley publishers and discovered Joanne Whilley I think she was American an adult living with Asperger's who spoke of her young years as well as the present and had some very useful coping mechanisms for all age groups . Some of the advice helped dd but a lot of things didn't fit.

Long story short the Psych at CAMHS diagnosed pretty well every youngster he saw with Asperger's and was finally struck off the medical register for the damage he caused by following his Guru.

Tony Attwood the expert on Asperger's didn't realise his son by then middle aged has Asperger's.

We started a fight for nearly 20 years to have the right diagnosis formalised with strong support from our GP .

DD found it herself one day by putting her symptoms into one of the MH sites. She printed it out , handed me a bundle of A4 and said read that what do you think?

There it was Borderline Personality Disorder.There are two types Acting in and acting out. DD is acting in- judges herself , felt she was useless , hurt herself , She only hurt me with words and worries prior to that as she struggled to be Asperger but couldn't.

Acting out hurts others including the sufferer. She handed those sheets of A4 to our wonderful GP and he said now we fight. It was a very , very long fight but in the end she got that diagnosis, suitable medication and a lovely young counsellor who helped her unpick the damage of the past.

I know your dd is at the age when teens don't always talk a lot. I tried to encourage dd to talk.It wasn't always successful one day in her teens I watched my vax carpet washer /vacuum cleaner fly down the stairs hitting the walls as it went. It did shock her so we managed to talk about that.

DD has always been a writer . She's kept diaries since childhood but I respected her privacy except when she was being targeted by very dodgy older men and going missing.

I hope your dd gets proper help, the lockdowns etc haven't helped youngsters already struggling. See if she can write her feelings down whether for herself or to make it easier to explain things to you burtha. It did help in dds case and may help yours process her thoughts and feelings. It must have been such a shock when 3mw took off and behaved in such a selfish and uncaring way.

The toxic ex her biological father has no place in dds life, he made matters a lot worse for her and our GP reckons he's either a Psycopath or has the acting out form of BPD. It can be genetic but sometimes is only triggered by childhood experiences.

Feel free to PM me if you want.

Sorry for the very long post Fencers.

pollyx

ETA Welcome to the Fence Molly.

Asperger's and many other autisic disorders are mainly referred to as Autistic Spectrum Disorders ASD.

They were recatorgarised some years ago as more variations were discovered.

Nowadays on the spectrum is often used.

ivyleaf

Welcome Molly    We've realised only recently that our DS has ADHD. He's 36! Now trying to coax him to actually getting around to having an assessment.

Florenceem

MrsCD - I am hoping to get £20 for a shawl. That is the price I suggested and was agreed when asked to make the ordered black shawl.  
Been to visit a friend today - so hot out and we did a lot of walking.

pollyanna_26

ivyleaf unless possible ADHD is having a big impact on your sons day to day life I would consider carefully whether he should request a formal diagnosis. MH services and the GPs who will do the referral are overwhelmed and help is very thin on the ground at the moment. If he is struggling it's worth him talking to his GP about a referral though.

I don't know how you keep up your crochet output Florence you're like the duracell bunny.

I'm still annoyed that although Ole put Juan Mata on the field for the last PL match and he scored. He was sitting on the bench until penalty time. I think David De Gea left his heart back in Spain after visiting his wife and new baby and was the wrong choice for the final.

Have you watched "Never Give Up" The story of Sir Alex from the Glasgow tenements to the present day? It was strange to hear the call for the ambulance and see his brain scans labelled Alexander Ferguson.

It was released at the Vue cinema here but I wasn't about to head there. i found it on Am*zon prime video on a free trial not sure if it's still free but it's well worth watching. A very young Ole falling to his knees.when he scored the goal that got us the treble. Youngest and I were urging him on loudly and the 3 Liverpool supporting offspring made themselves scarce.

I hope you enjoyed your big day out at the shops monna you need to get your feet up after the big sudden clearout. I hope your friend is OK and whatever is decided he will cope with.

Your mention of an ageing congregation has made me think. My mum and her sisters were in the Legion of Mary and were always helping someone in many ways. They also had the coach trips and a lot of older parishioners enjoyed those. Mums pruning to help the plant at stately homes etc mortified me but she had a lovely garden.

The methodist church and SA here are very active but there's a shortage of young blood.

I was a girl guide and years later a brownie leader there is quite a reduction in numbers there.

There will be a lot of thriving communities both church and otherwise. This is a retirement area although I was in my 20s when I moved here. We do have community food banks , a soup kitchen and some volunteer help and advice schemes  but churches and chapels are closing and not seeing the new blood of the past.

BTW The Soup Kitchen isn't the 20s and 30s style . It's somewhere someone can get a meal , enjoy some company whether on the streets or housed but struggling. I can't remember who came up with the name but it's very well supported with local cash and food donations. Lots of good advice is available too. I know many have missed it during lockdowns.
pollyx

MollyWindley

ivyleaf said:

Welcome Molly    We've realised only recently that our DS has ADHD. He's 36! Now trying to coax him to actually getting around to having an assessment.

Hi ~ Our middle ds was diagnosed at age 7 (he was actually diagnosed with both ADHD and dyspraxia) and in adult life has suffered from both anxiety and depression.....he's been on the waiting list to get into our local Adult ADHD clinic for over two years now as we both think that his mental health problems are underpinned by the ADHD, so if your son does want help I'd say the sooner he starts the better.  In our area adult help is very hard to get ( Norfolk), but I know that we have some of the worst provision in the country, hopefully your area is better. 

MingVase

Polly I know the food banks and soup kitchens do a grand job and think the world of the people who volunteer in them... but in this day and age -  in a country that has oil and gas-  it is an utter disgrace that people need them. Makes me so angry.