The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

nannywindow

Jamanda I am so sorry to read about your DM.

Your post brought tears to my eyes but has given me a kick up the rear as I was feeling sorry for myself today. It has made me realise that I should be more grateful for the family I still have around me and live for today, not wallow in things I cannot change. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can. I am sending much love to you and yours. nan.

pollyanna_26

Nanny I'm not really a religious person although I was brought up in a faith. A convent education , some nice nuns but some brutal put me off. I'm more a do as you would be done by type.

I have found in the strange times we now find ourselves in, the beginning of The Serenity Prayer is helpful.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference"

My youngest dd has been with her thankfully working from home boyfriend since early March. She'd have ended up under the duvet had she been shielding here. It took 21 years two good GPs and us both to correct a wrong MH diagnosis which wrecked her life.

Many times I'd be saying those words in my head as we faced yet another psychiatrist or someone from another branch of the NHS.

Thankfully she got her correct diagnosis a few years ago along with a wonderful young counseller our GP brought in to the practice to help unlock the boxes of damage and deal with the aftermath.

I wouldn't in a million years tell her how much I miss her. I'm lucky I do get to see her but I'm not going out often. We're tier3 now and we've stuck to strict social distancing etc.

I mentioned Helen Reddy yesterday. She wrote some wonderful songs. One was "You and me against the world" For just over 20 years that was dd and I supported by two amazing gps. So life does feel strange now.

Each day that goes by followed by waking the next morning is a gift so I count my blessings.

I have always been aware how fortunate myself and children have been with a good roof over our heads , food and love.

At the start of the pandemic Ralph McTell who wrote the Streets of London at the age of 22 added a verse although he'd always said he would never alter the song. He's now 75.

Concerned for those on the streets who couldn't isolate or stay safe he added

In shop doorways,under bridges,in all our towns and cities you can glimpse the makeshift bedding from the corner of your eye.

Remember what you're seeing barely hides a human being.

We're all in this together brother,sister,you and I.

We just need to take each day as it comes. Be sensible and keep ourselves and everyone else safe and deal with the day ahead. That isn't easy for those alone, with anxiety issues etc and my heart goes out to them.

pollyx

MrsCD

Jamanda, sorry to hear about your mum and all you've gone through. Hope everything goes as well as it can tomorrow.
A song that stuck in my head when my mum died almost two years ago now is, Keep me safe til the storm passes by. It's on you-tube. Stay safe x

nursemaggie

Jamanda sorry for your loss. What a comfort to know she went without pain.

jamanda

Thank you everyone.  She could have got much, much worse and been very unhappy so I know it was for the best.  Considering the dementia repetition drove me bonkers, I am surprisingly devastated but will be OK I think when this week is over.  Kids (grown up) and grandkids (nearly grown up) are all devastated but they know she was at the limits for quality of life as she saw it.

pollyanna_26

I've just looked at tthe lyrics to 'Til the storm passes by on AZ Lyrics which is where I usually look. It is religious but is a very good song for fearful times' 

I and I'm sure others here will have you in mind Jamanda when you say a last goodbye to your beloved mum. Well done for the loving care you gave her at home until that was no longer an option.

Many will be reminded of those they've lost over the years however long ago. My lovely dad died far too young when I was 15. I've been thinking of him and my only brother who only lived to the age of 7. I was only 3 when he died but can still go back to the day the ambulance took him to horpital for the final time and I never saw him again. I had my head resting on the arm of the leather sofa, the sun was beating down and I could smell the hot leather. I remember thinking I'll never see him again. No idea where a 3 year year old found that thought but I was right.

Mum lived into her 80s. A. strong woman who'd raised us well after dad died got dementia. My youngest sister cared for her for a number of years in her home until the point where only a nursing home could do the care she needed. Months after she died I was lying in bed one night and suddenly thought I'm an orphan. That was a very strange feeling as an adult with growing children. I was the oldest sibling after my brothers death and realised I was now the grown up who needed to be the matriarch of the family. Big shoes to fill although my mum had tiny feet.

pollyx

monnagran

J amanda, I feel for you.  My mum also had dementia and my wonderful Dad managed to keep her at home and look after her until she had to go into hospital.  Like your mother, mum was in there for about 3 weeks and was being prepared to be moved into a nursing home when she died in her sleep.
Strangely  after she died we almost felt that she had been given back to us, because she lived again in our memories.  Memories of the remarkable woman she had been.
We realised afterwards that we didn't mourn because the Mum that we knew had died years ago and we hadn't realised that at the time.
I hope that you have a similar ecperience.

Polly, thank you for that.  I have a 19yearold autistic grandson who is having a hard time.  He won't go out at the moment and I think it is the masks that are causing the panic. He is in his last year at the special college he goes to, and he is going in one day a week.  He is also going one day a week to a work placement he has been given.  It is in a nursery. tending the plants and they say that he is the best worker they have ever had.  He seems to be OK with both those places, but he won't step out of the house apart from that.  His other grandparents have a holiday home in Corfu and they go out every year, but this summer Jordan had a complete meltdown at the last moment, so his aunt came and stayed with him
while the rest of the family had their holiday.
It is heart breaking.

MingVase

I think whatever age you are when the second parent dies, you still feel a wee bit lost when you realise you're an orphan,

burtha

jamanda sorry for your loss x

jamanda

Thank you.  Funeral went as well as it could have.  After sharing my house for the last 8 years with first both parents, then just my mum, I'm planning to reclaim it as mine.  Lots of painting and reorganising on the menu.  I haven't been able to decorate because with their stuff as well as mine there wasn't room to put anything out of the way, and also dementia doesn't like disruption.

Onwards and upwards.  I just hope I have the energy to do it.