I've told my son to leave. I feel awful.

whiteguineapig

you need to change the locks , you have done the right thing so stay strong

onomatopoeia99

paddy's_mum wrote: »

.

Any particular reason why you quoted someone's entire, very long, opening post, when you weren't responding to specific parts so needed the context. It's at the top of every page already.

All you've done is make it difficult to remove it if they decide it has been a mistake to share on a public forum later, as has sometimes happened, which is very unkind

KxMx

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Any particular reason why you quoted someone's entire, very long, opening post, when you weren't responding to specific parts so needed the context. It's at the top of every page already.

All you've done is make it difficult to remove it if they decide it has been a mistake to share on a public forum later, as has sometimes happened, which is very unkind

Only if using the new forum version. Some still use the old where this doesn't apply, as far as I know.

Pollycat

The only question I have is:
"Why did it take you so long to throw him out?"

And I would change the locks - just in case.

pollypenny

Oh, you poor thing, Suzanne!

You've done exactly the right thing. Change the locks, but also give him time to reflect before you write the letter suggested.

My DS never manages to pay us back either. I put £5 pm into his British account to keep it open, as he uses it to pay professional fees. I've reduced it from £15 and if he goes overdrawn - tough. I paid it the last time he did. Not again.

Trina90

You definitely did the right thing. This may be the wake up call he needs to get his life in order.

BrassicWoman

I think you have done right. I would change the locks too.

Fireflyaway

Hopefully at some point he will realise the way he has been behaving is wrong. Might not be anytime soon, some people don't realise until they have to suffer for a bit and then realise how good their life actually was! Or maybe when they become parents themselves.
I think you have done the right thing. He has stolen and lied to you multiple times and its not right that you should be abused in your own home ( or anywhere - you know what I mean!).
Does he have contact with his dad? Does he get on with his step dad? I've heard young men treats their mums badly sometimes if they feel angry that their mum is with someone they don't like or preventing a relationship with their dad. By preventing I don't mean actually preventing them but it not being easy for them to maintain a relationship simply because they ( the parents) are not together. Might not be this, just a thought.
He knows where to find you.
You did right by showing him his behaviour is unacceptable.
Stay strong and I hope things improve but I know I would have done the same x

meer53

You've absolutely done the right thing, don't beat yourself up, it's what he needs. Otherwise he will never change. You've done what you think is the right thing in the past and it got you nowhere, it probably made him worse but thats done now, you can't go back and change that so move on, stick to your guns, he's old enough to know right from wrong, he has no respect for you or others, until he realises what a tw*t he is he will never change.

paddy's_mum

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

which is very unkind

With respect, I disagree.

When an OP gets a very forceful response (however sympathetic) I believe that the 'context' needs to be shown. In this particular case, it is crystal clear from everything the OP said that this very unhappy situation has been going on, virtually unchecked, for a period of years.

There was no intention to be unkind. However, I do get a bit fed up when having given thought, care, time and effort to offer advice, a poster doesn't like what they hear and removes the OP, leaving all those who commented (entirely in context and appropriately) looking like spiteful idiots, out to get a knife in!

If you care to take a moment or two to check my posting history, I'm quite sure that you will discover that it is very rare indeed for me to quote an entire post. I note also that it is very rare for any Forum member who has cached an OP to be castigated for so doing.

I also note that any member is at liberty to refer any post to the moderators/invigilators and if it is deemed unreasonable, malicious or irrelevant, the whole thread can be wiped in the pressing of a button.

I hope that the OP may, both now and in the future, find this thread a supportive resource in her battle to achieve peace of mind and clarity for the best way to go on.