The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.

SingleSue

Thanks Silvercar.

Can't quite believe that is his first year finished with, doesn't seem like 5 minutes ago he was getting excited but nervous about going.

He's now actively looking into his year in industry placement for after his 2nd year which equals even more angst and phone calls home! If I thought choosing between which offer to take for a university place was bad, it has nothing on the current angst and of course, it brings up a whole new set of problems to get around in regards to his autism.

Accommodation have played a blinder, they are allowing him to stay not just in his current halls but in exactly the same room for next year, despite the fact they had worried about a hulking great 2nd year being in with first years and scaring them...well that is until they saw Joe and realised that everyone else would still think he is some wonder genius of a 12 year old because he is so diddy and looks so young alongside the fact that he doesn't socialise with his flatmates (or anyone else for that matter) much and keeps himself to himself. They have even offered him the chance to leave his stuff in his room over summer if he wants to.

He's worked hard, bloody hard in this last year, even for the short times he came home in the holidays (he never stayed for the whole holiday), he was doing uni work all the time. Socially, he went out twice, drank 3 units of alcohol in the entire year and took part in 0 flat parties (but moaned about the noise from plenty of them).

For a student whose prognosis was never to be able to go to a mainstream high school or take GCSEs, he's done blooming well and a lot of that is down to his own determination and stubbornness...he never gives up or gives in even if things are scaring the doo doo out of him.

ivyleaf

Oh PN, what a shame. Chipboard furniture is so heavy to move, too.

Sue, your sons are brilliant and so is their Mum

Pyxis Have a lovely time

Cakeguts, Lydia is quite right, never any bullying on this thread

It's Mr ivyleaf's birthday today, and DD1 has given him a card which made us rock with laughter. it has congratulatory words in it but a really, really gloomy picture of a Venetian scene in browns and greys. She said she found it quite impossible to resist

Cakeguts

Pyxis wrote: »

Good morning from sunny (still dark!) Gatwick!
Off to Italy this morning!:

Hope you have good weather.

GDB2222

Cakeguts wrote: »

Hope you have good weather.

Yes, not too hot.

Cakeguts

PasturesNew wrote: »

Re bullying, one phrase I despise and attribute to bullies is when they talk about positive/negative.

I can't word this correctly, but, say if you state a fact "I hate it when it rains" - and you're pounced on "I won't have negative people in my life; you should think positively" - I was simply stating a fact and making an observation .... maybe it is raining and I do hate the rain.

I find the statement "I don't like negative people" .... very ... well .... negative! It seems to my logical mind that they are doing PRECISELY the thing they are speaking of! But I don't have the words to twist that round and point it out ... so to speak... I just think "stay away from this one..."

Some people seem to want to live their lives with their fingers in their ears, repeating "la, la, la, la, la...." and not wish to listen to observations, conversation, facts .... but surround themselves with fluffy kitten thoughts. Maybe there's some syndrome ....

Many things one is accused of being "negative" about are simply facts/observations ... conversations you're not allowed to have as they won't hear a different viewpoint to theirs.

So, over time, I've come to despise the words positive and negative and I translate into "this person has shut down and won't listen/converse, but is thinking of bunnies and kittens".

DITTO: Moaning.

People who say "I hate moaners, why are you moaning?" - THEY are now moaning. The irony!

For some of them there is a syndrome. It is called Narcissisic Personality Disorder. They are perfect people and more importantly they are always right about everthing and you aren't. When you get this your run. My mother had it they are extremely unpleasant people.

Cakeguts

SingleSue wrote: »

Ex hubby used to say I was a pessimist when in fact I was and still am more of a realist. Things can and do go wrong and it is better to be prepared for that than be shocked and totally unprepared if things do.

So I hope for the best but plan for the worse as a contingency hence why I don't just have a plan A for when things go swimmingly but several other plans too just in case they don't.

Joe took his final exam on Wednesday, he had been so nervous about this exam as the last one he had had in this module had not been very nice and it had bashed his confidence a little. He needn't have worried, he scored a very high 2.1.

Even more impressive bearing in mind that since his SATS he has taken exams away from the main group due to an inability to cope with exam taking noises, he took the exam in the main hall alongside 300 other students and didn't freak out (that was one of the issues with the previous module exam), as this time he was prepared for it, got there early and got a seat on the edge where there was more space around him and he could hear road noise to distract from the (to him) painful noises of pens scratching on paper.

Mind you, to help him with the revision he wanted me to set a test for him the night before the exam. 300+ pages of lecture slides were sent to me to do so, also the afternoon before the exam so I had to sit down, read through every single slide and set questions in a very short space of time.

It helped him though as I chose bits from all over the place, set questions on obscure facts and some of these actually featured in the exam itself.

I know how he feels. I have got an extra bit of processing in my hearing that most people don't have. I can't stand loud noises. As a child I didn't like fireworks because of the noise they made. I am the person sitting with their fingers in their ears at concerts in churches.

Where we are at the moment it is very quiet and someone dropped something on the floor that made a noise that I find very irritating. However it was at that moment that I realised why it was so irritating. As the noise happened I got a flash of pain in my brain. When I thought about it afterwards I realised that loud noises that don't stop always lead to a headache. However no one else seems to think that they are that loud. I remember a party with what I thought was loud music. By the time I had got from the entrance door to the bar I had a headache. Some people were in there for hours. I think some of us just have more intense processing of noise than others. I have now discovered that you can get adjustable ear defenders. I am hoping to get some soon.

GDB2222

Cakeguts wrote: »

For some of them there is a syndrome. It is called Narcissisic Personality Disorder. They are perfect people and more importantly they are always right about everthing and you aren't. When you get this your run. My mother had it they are extremely unpleasant people.

I don't think they have to be quite that bonkers to be a right pain in the a...

Online forums (not this one, I hope!) do attract people who are loners. There can be lots of reasons for people being loners, for example they've just moved to a new town, but another is that they are simply 'not very good with people'.

The other problem is that the written word does not convey a whole load of information that we convey by gesture etc when we are face to face.

And, of course, some people just don't behave properly online, knowing that there are no consequences. Face to face, they'd have to consider the (probably remote) possibility that you'd deck them. Online, that's not a problem for them.

LydiaJ

Cakeguts wrote: »

I think some of us just have more intense processing of noise than others.

Indeed. DS has the same trouble with noise. It's particularly trying when you're a kid, because you're supposed to think that noisy activities are fun.

Cakeguts

LydiaJ wrote: »

Indeed. DS has the same trouble with noise. It's particularly trying when you're a kid, because you're supposed to think that noisy activities are fun.

Yes and the thing is that the world has got much more noisier than it was when I was young which is probably why I am only beginning to notice that I really don't like noise. Your son has grown up with all this noise going on so he has not had the quiet time which I had. This must make it very difficult for him. When that irritating noise happened just recently that was the moment when I realised that what I call a loud noise actually causes a physical pain in my head. Just like a dentist touching a nerve but inside my head. I have huge problems with noise unless they are nature noises. Those for some reason don't do it.

chris_m

GDB2222 wrote: »

The other problem is that the written word does not convey a whole load of information that we convey by gesture etc when we are face to face.

That is very true - of the three principle means of communication the written word ranks third for effectiveness. The telephone is second and face to face rightly ranks top.