How long before you move in together

Oakdene

The worst feeling in the world is wanting this to work so very much but knowing that it cant

davidwood123

In this day and age, don't get married until you've lived together first

bugslet

Bit late, but in answer to the OPs first question, around 7 years - no point rushing things!

I'd not rush into anything just yet, the kids needs stability

Sounds like you had a lucky escape!

justme111

Oakdene wrote: »

The worst feeling in the world is wanting this to work so very much but knowing that it cant

Well all been there.
You not thinking straight though - she shown you who she is and you still mopping after her ?:eek:

calleyw

justme111 wrote: »

Well all been there.
You not thinking straight though - she shown you who she is and you still mopping after her ?:eek:

Oakdene,

I agree with Justme.

if it was going to work it would have done from the start. Unless there was some extreme circumstances.

Don't waste your time and energy on this and her. I know its so hard. But don't go back under any circumstances. You are hurting and the whole what if. If you had done this or done that it would be different. Nope. I learned the hard way and it broke me. I thought I was too messed up to ever have a relationship again.

Now I am so happy now with my new partner. More than I would have been with the other person who messed me around for 4 years. Yes you did read that correctly 4 years. I was in love with them and thought things would change nope. Just more and more messing me about.

Cut contact if you have not already. Dump her number and start living your life again.

All the best.

Yours

Calley

Primrose

I think you are right to be cautious. Where children are involved they need stability and security above everything else and to move them into a new environment where arguments still regularly take place os grossly unfair on them. They have no control over their future. You do so have a duty of care to them as priority.

Whar are you arguing about. Are they the sort of issues which risk continuing after you share a home together? Be very cautious. Blending home, families and two ways of life is not as simple as one might imagine and if you are having doibts after a year of knowing each other this would wave a very big red flag for me.

Oakdene

Primrose wrote: »

I think you are right to be cautious. Where children are involved they need stability and security above everything else and to move them into a new environment where arguments still regularly take place os grossly unfair on them. They have no control over their future. You do so have a duty of care to them as priority.

Whar are you arguing about. Are they the sort of issues which risk continuing after you share a home together? Be very cautious. Blending home, families and two ways of life is not as simple as one might imagine and if you are having doibts after a year of knowing each other this would wave a very big red flag for me.

Sorry Primrose, I thought I'd replied to you. We are arguing about things that happened months ago & that I thought we'd moved on from but sadly I dont think we have as she argued very publically with me in a pub a few weeks ago which left me feeling very humiliated. I really thought she was the one as she is so very good with my kids & I am the same with hers.

Primrose

Yes, but how do your respect kids feel about this? You will be asking them to share a home with somebody else that they have previously had exclusive use of. It may work for you but you need to climb into their shoes and find out how they feel. They may have a surprisingly different perspective. What may work for weekend visits may definitely not work for them on a full time basis.


It sounds as if you still have unresolved issues of resentment which need to be resolved. Put the whole project on ice in case they're like a smouldering fire just waiting for another issue to start fanning the flames again.

Oakdene

Primrose wrote: »

Yes, but how do your respect kids feel about this? You will be asking them to share a home with somebody else that they have previously had exclusive use of. It may work for you but you need to climb into their shoes and find out how they feel. They may have a surprisingly different perspective. What may work for weekend visits may definitely not work for them on a full time basis.


It sounds as if you still have unresolved issues of resentment which need to be resolved. Put the whole project on ice in case they're like a smouldering fire just waiting for another issue to start fanning the flames again.

I think you're right, on the weekends it works well but as we both have 3 bed houses someone always ends up sleeping on a makeshift bed. There is a issue thats been thrown in that OH rents but I have bought so its not as simple for me to move into a bigger place with
me as I would either have to sell up or rent it out.

I think any chance may have gone as she has handed her notice in on her property & is moving to another town which is 31 miles away as to where she is which is 7 miles....

Primrose

This is sad for you all but giving up the roof over your head which you own (albeit courtesy of your building society) is a very serious issue which could set you back years financially if it all went pear shaped further down the line.

When it comes to trying to amalgamate two properties, if you're not combining like with like on a roughly equal financial basis there is always the prospect of you and kids losing out financially if things go pear shaped.

Perhaps on retrospect this exercise will have taught you that on certain key issues you may not have been as well matched as you first thought. If in future days you feel a bit low at the potential breakup just remind yourself you still have your children and you may well have saved them from a negative life damaging situation.