When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

Hiddenidenity

And school is done for the weekend, kids home and happy about that :rotfl:

On the back of the last post. A lot of discussions going on between me and him, I guess neither of us are 'happy' with the situation and no idea what to say about it without giving too many details. I think he stays because he can, plus he doesnt have PR for the children and wouldn't be granted unsupervised access should he take me to court. Now I wouldn't stop access and even when all this happened before youngest I still put a huge amount of effort into keeping the relationship between them good. Even though everyone was trying to pull me away blah blah. So him using this an 'excuse' to stay really makes me cross meh!

I think we should see counselling together alongside me seeing my own anyway (this I won't be stopping now its in motion)

I can see where I was wrong, I know what I was doing/searching out was impossible and no matter what I found I wouldn't have been happy. We both clearly have issues I don't want to bring to here too much. I'm terrified if we don't sort something though it WILL get to the point it shows to the kids, the last thing either of us want.

Sorting the debt is the priority obviously, but if nothing else is okay then whats the point? Up to now I've just not brought these things up and focused on the debt.

I doubt this even makes sense to anyone but I don't know I have to get it out and figure out what to do

Hiddenidenity

hign10pines wrote: »

I was about to try and delete my post as I came across as a right !!!!! I didn't mean to :(I just think you'd be so much better off without him.

I would :rotfl: and you don't sound like anything, honestly I've done so much of going back and forth, running away and then back and round in circles. Like I say things came to a huge head in March when everything was just too much. I needed to seek help and I need to "fix" myself without searching for someone else or trying to be anything but myself

Don't ask me how I plan to sort it I have no idea, I don't even think it makes sense wrote down anymore than it does in my head

hign10pines

Which survey site is PA? I used to do them but nothing ever added up to anything and I gave up.

Hiddenidenity

Prolific

There's a referral thread and an alerts thread across the other boards.

It's definitely the best I've come across.

GeorgianaCavendish

Couples counselling sounds like it would be a good idea down the line when the financial situation isn't so pressing, I think that Relate counsellors might offer reduced rates depending on financial circumstances.

I'm really glad that you are going ahead with counselling for yourself. I've been seeing a therapist for almost 2 years now (!!) and honestly it is the best thing I've ever done.

Without wanting to pry into your relationship situation, it sounds as though you are at a stage where you would like to move on from past mistakes but that your OH isn't at this stage yet. He might feel like he's justified in some of his bad financial behaviour because of the PR issue and other stuff in your history, but it isn't justified and he shouldn't be continuing to behave in a way that is damaging your relationship because he's upset about things in the past. That's where it is great to have a third party like a counsellor say these things, because they are supposed to be the voice of reason. lol.

You might have both made mistakes in the past but you seem to be willing to put them behind you and he is still acting out and doing things that put your relationship under strain.

EssexHebridean

hign10pines wrote: »

I was about to try and delete my post as I came across as a right !!!!! I didn't mean to :(I just think you'd be so much better off without him.

Not our place to judge... there is more to life than money, and however frustrating someone else's relationship might appear to outsiders, all our decisions can't be taken for financial reasons alone.

Hiddenidenity

Thank you always so good with works GC and EH.

Lots going on this evening here, I', so drained so off to the bath and hopefully try to get some sleep before the alarms going off.

Will catch up/reply better tomorrow but thank you for your replies, I really do appreciate each and every one.

Mustang66

Hi My husband and I been married for 12 years together for 22 years all together. We own a house but I want nothing to do with it as its too much to live with him. He won't see a counselor and he blames me for most of this breakup. Anyways if I walk away, and he goes bankrupt, after I sign papers to say I want nothing, what happens to the debt? I Will sign papers to say I leaving it all to him at the bank. Am I responsible for his debt too or just my own personal debt.

Hiddenidenity

Mustang66 wrote: »

Hi My husband and I been married for 12 years together for 22 years all together. We own a house but I want nothing to do with it as its too much to live with him. He won't see a counselor and he blames me for most of this breakup. Anyways if I walk away, and he goes bankrupt, after I sign papers to say I want nothing, what happens to the debt? I Will sign papers to say I leaving it all to him at the bank. Am I responsible for his debt too or just my own personal debt.

Sorry I have no idea, if you start a new post though I'm sure it will get seen by someone who does know? Good luck and I hope things work out well.

Hiddenidenity

Debt 30/06/17

Council Tax [STRIKE]£2092.71[/STRIKE] £1815 (£75 paid)
Fine 1 [STRIKE]£1250[/STRIKE] £1150 (£25 paid)
Fine 2 [STRIKE]£200[/STRIKE] £55 (£5 paid)
Aunt £1000
Mum £340 + [STRIKE]£87[/STRIKE]
Step Dad £1000
Friend [STRIKE]£1379[/STRIKE] £1360

Total [STRIKE]£7348.71[/STRIKE] £6720 (£628.71 paid)


Rent arrears [STRIKE]£3381.28[/STRIKE] £3080 (£301.28 paid)

Debt + Rent [STRIKE]£10722.99[/STRIKE] £9800 (£929.99 paid)