A whole new world, for now

Cherryfudge

Don't beat yourself up about the emotional spending, especially as it was something that you'd had in mind anyway. I sometimes treat myself to bigger spends using inherited money as I don't have enough income for them: my rationale is that the person I inherited from would wanted me to have things I enjoy - and after all, if we defer everything, we may never get to the point of having it. It's not that I'm not careful, but I do think we need light on the journey as well as at the end of the tunnel!

in_need_of_direction

Yesterday I talked things through with my counsellor. It definitely helped but has opened up a further topic to be explored. It’s about how I’m not comfortable spending money on me and how I almost need to make retribution when I do spend unless it’s for other people.  I think this is, in part, to do with the period when I was a single parent and, before that, ex husband’s complete lack of financial responsibility.  There’s possibly another factor. I was, I can now see, incredibly young when I had my children. However at the time, I thought I knew it all.  I knew that society was judgey and was hell bent on making sure that my children would not be disadvantaged by ny actions. This translated into ensuring that funds were available for them and feeling that I needed permission to spend for myself.  I think there may be quite a few sessions untangling that.

on other news, yesterday’s lunch and dinner were from whoopsied items and yesterday was a nsd. I also got in touch with a client and unearthed a two week old to do list with some things still outstanding. One more item has been set aside for vinted and a charity shop bag has been fed.  There are also overdue gifts to go.  

Today I think a trip to the recycling centre is needed along with a charity shop trip.  I also need to pick up milk as there isn’t even enough for tea.  This is pretty close to the definition of a crisis in this house.

today I am grateful for
getting expenses up to date and paid.
being able to turn the heating on
DH’s support 

jwil

An emotional spend of something you had already planned to buy isn't something to beat yourself up about.  There's no harm in trying to raise the money to cover the spend, but it shouldn't be because you feel guilty about it.  You work hard and deserve to reap some of the rewards!  I hope the counsellor can help with that.

Cherryfudge

It sounds like a useful session with the counsellor. Is it possible to think of the spending on yourself as if the previous times you've denied yourself were banking the money to be used at a later date? So you spent X on the children but deferred your share of the money till they grew up? Hope that makes sense - it's a bit late tonight to be trying to put an idea across!

in_need_of_direction

Thanks for the thought cherry. Unfortunately there was a long time when I wasn’t denying myself which was how I ended up with a mortgage four and a half times my earnings, that included two consolidations, a personal loan and £18k credit card debt and no employer pension.  

Still, I managed to hold onto the house my two wanted to stay in.  Maybe a move would have been a better option at the time but there’s no value in the shoulda, coulda, woulda.  

Yesterday I got some things done but didn’t leave the house.  DD did the supermarket shop so normal tea service has been resumed. I won’t be having my coffee date this afternoon as my friend is committed elsewhere.  Today there are 4 things I really want to focus on and get put to bed.  I’ll be happy if that happens and delirious if I exceed it.  

Today I am grateful for
this community and its ongoing support for so many
dh getting some more stuff onto vinted
more “to go” items being identified.

Seasidegal58

Don't beat yourself up inod. We've all been there on this thread. But you managed to keep your own house over the heads of your children. 👍

Cherryfudge

So if you had a spending-nothing-on-yourself era and a spending-too-much era, perhaps you've now arrived at the allowing-a-reasonable-amount-of-spending-on-self stage?

I hope you were successful motoring through your list?

in_need_of_direction

Got most of the list done though with some alterations e.g. item intended for chazza after cleaning is beyond repair.  We also got the laundry done although some needs hung out this morning to finish off.  DH took in and has a box for ziffit ready to be collected and one of the listed items sold on vinted so that will go today. Sales this month will allow another £25 pb purchase.

the builder called and will be back today to check final measurements etc. our elusive odd job man showed up and has said he’ll be back to do gates and hopefully a metal table and chairs. Fingers crossed that there will be enough cash to pay them without raiding other funds.

work went virtually untouched over the weekend so this needs to be addressed. I’m feeling oddly motivated so may kick off with a frog diet. 

Today I am grateful for 
items being sold
dh finishing something for me
soup made to use up sulky veg

peb

I have to say I was screaming no at the point you cancelled massage and reiki.  If they are in the budget and they are beneficial to you do them. 

Cherry fudge as always takes sense and this seems to be backed up by your counsellor.  

Remember you are also important 

in_need_of_direction

Thanks for the concern peb.  To clarify, I’m going to half the frequency as apart from the purchase, I’m also down approximately £400 per week pre tax. Still, yesterday I picked up another small job which is also a plus.  

I also dropped off the vinted item while out and dpd picked up the ziffit parcel albeit 15 minutes after their 9 hour window.
builder came on site, took more measurements and advised his current lead time is 6 to 8 weeks. Based on that, I’ve asked him to include redoing insulation in the roofspace as we will have time to get rid of stuff. He’s to get back to me with a price.  

One piece of work is out for comment and everyone item bar one got fully dried including a dress I hand washed instead of spending on dry cleaning.  

Today is dh’s office day so I will drop him in shortly and then tackle the outstanding work. We will drop another vinted parcel en route.
today I am grateful for
a new client
another overnight vinted sale
an nsd