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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my girlfriend contribute to flat expenses?

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  • Librarydenj
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    Goodness no why on earth should she? You make it sound like your girlfriend decends on you uninvited which I am sure it's not the case . You haven't officially asked her to move and I think the clue here is 'recently' bought a flat .Is it your first? I think you want your independence but have been hit by the first time buyer reality check. So how is she living with her Dad if she is staying with you 23 nights- I think this is a massive hint that she may be waiting for you to ask her to move in ...and you haven't but are eyeing up her income because you are feeling the pinch -sorry! Can't have it both ways! And I'm amazed how some responders have automatically labelled her as a gold digger because she's savvy enough to think ahead and let her tenant pay her mortgage for her .You've already said your income is similar but don't forget all the hidden landlord registration costs and insurances she has to pay and she may not pay her Dad rent but I bet she contributes to other household expenses like most young people do .I think there's a bit of financial envy going on here and I'd have a bit more respect for my ability to support myself than to hold your hat out. If you'd like 50/50 then share properly and ask her to move in but remember the impact on your single person allowance and the claim on any mortgage once you are officially 'partners'... however that does of course work both ways.Good Luck
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,634 Forumite
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    Presumably as you're the owner of the flat you're paying council tax and as a single occupant will be receiving a 25% council tax reduction. I would question if she's spending as much as 23 days a month at your place whether you are any longer a single occupant and should be paying council tax at the full rate. Point this out to her and suggest that at a minimum she pays the difference to you.
  • DiscountofMonteCristo
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    Yes! Yes she should!

    She should pay a proportional amount for what expenses she creates - food, electricity, gas, internet etc.

    She's currently done very well for herself living at her dad's for nothing, getting income from renting out her flat which involves no time/work from her, all on top of a job. She is then staying at yours overnight - how much time she spends at yours you don't make clear, but she will be using things up that cost money.

    You are then paying for everything that costs at your home, without any second place to live/keep things at, without any flat you're letting out for extra income, and with a job.

    How is that fair?

    It would be different if you were spending half your time at her place with her dad, using their consumables. But you're not.
  • Londonlass2017
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    You say you recently bought a flat so I can't imagine she's spent more than the 22 odd nights there. I assume you like having her there or you wouldn't ask her to stay over. I don't mean to be rude but she doesn't ask you to pay for her company so I'm not sure why you think she should pay to be in yours. If that's why you are asking her to stay, then maybe it's not the healthiest basis for a relationship. However, if the reason is that you like having her around for 90% of the month, then why not ask her to move in and then she would happily pay her way. The way I read it, for her to rent out her flat and live with her dad strongly implies she wants to save money or recoup money - she probably won't see the fairness in being asked to pay for a place that she has no stake in and, at the extreme, might just end the relationship if you boil it down to money. My advice for what it's worth is to agree for her to pay for groceries alternately to help you with costs to avoid the awkwardness or, since she's there so much anyway, move in together.
  • effie39
    effie39 Posts: 8 Forumite
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    She's a lucky girl and sadly sounds like a bit of a free-loader. Yes, of course she needs to cough up
  • happyguy3
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    Firstly, the fact that she pays no rent to her dad is nothing to do with you.
    Secondly, the fact that she has her own property which is rented out, is again nothing to do with you.
    Yes she is apparently on a good wicket but that is her good fortune.

    Now, if you feel that she adds significantly to your bills by staying over 23 nights a month, and you feel that she is unfairly taking advantage of you, then by all means you could ask her nicely if how she would feel about contributing to the additional costs.

    When you look at it a bit of extra water for her showers/bath, and a bit more electricity, it's unlikely to be significant. It's only the food shopping, particularly if you order takeaways, where you are paying more than you would if you were on your own.

    So by all means ask her if she would consider splitting some of the food expenses.

    Or you could ask her to move in, if you are ready for that, and part of that discussion would be how to split costs.

    But please beware of coming off as jealous of her situation.

    She presumably stays over at yours for your mutual enjoyment so be happy for that, and only consider asking her to contribute towards additional expenses that might occur.
  • coyoteugly705
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    Absolutely she should be contributing! She shouldn't live for free, things cost money.
  • Ebenezer_Screwj
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    It depends what expenses you are talking about. Presumably you feed her, so perhaps she could pay for a meal out occasionally. You are on thin ice if you make a point of this, she may take the view that you are compensated by having an unofficial wife with the appropriate benefits.
  • mn2203
    mn2203 Posts: 48 Forumite
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    My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together and are looking at how best to split the bills.

    I own a 1 bedroom flat with a small mortgage remaining. He has a 3 bedroom with about £100k mortgage he's overpaying on, so about £600 per month.

    He earns about £7k more than I do, but has more petrol costs, so our take home after petrol is similar.

    The plan is to rent out my property, after tax the rent will cover my mortgage/ service charges/ maintenance etc.

    We plan to live together for approx a year to make sure all goes well, before we either buy a bigger place together, or I buy in to his property - I would match his current investment of deposit and what he's paid off the mortgage over last few years so it was an equal property.

    But we're not sure how to split the household bills.

    Most advice on here is 50/50 but a few people I've spoken to have suggested I just pay the difference in what the bills go up by. So by me living there we use more gas/ electric/water/ council tax etc - i pay the extra these increase by, so if it doesn't work out and leave his bills just go down to what he is currently paying.

    But having read other threads I'm not sure this is fair?

    The money I would save would go in a savings account to go towards my by in.

    Thanks
  • unholyangel
    unholyangel Posts: 16,863 Forumite
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    mn2203 wrote: »
    My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together and are looking at how best to split the bills.

    I own a 1 bedroom flat with a small mortgage remaining. He has a 3 bedroom with about £100k mortgage he's overpaying on, so about £600 per month.

    He earns about £7k more than I do, but has more petrol costs, so our take home after petrol is similar.

    The plan is to rent out my property, after tax the rent will cover my mortgage/ service charges/ maintenance etc.

    We plan to live together for approx a year to make sure all goes well, before we either buy a bigger place together, or I buy in to his property - I would match his current investment of deposit and what he's paid off the mortgage over last few years so it was an equal property.

    But we're not sure how to split the household bills.

    Most advice on here is 50/50 but a few people I've spoken to have suggested I just pay the difference in what the bills go up by. So by me living there we use more gas/ electric/water/ council tax etc - i pay the extra these increase by, so if it doesn't work out and leave his bills just go down to what he is currently paying.

    But having read other threads I'm not sure this is fair?

    The money I would save would go in a savings account to go towards my by in.

    Thanks

    Your current mortgage will undoubtedly not permit renting out the premises. If you contact them, they may give permission but will likely change the interest rate to reflect the change of use in the property. There are also other things to consider such as landlord insurance and the responsibilities you would have as a landlord towards your tenants with regards to maintenance and deposits. You may also have to declare the rental income & pay tax on it.

    Have you considered all of this already? Have you also considered if you can afford it if there are any periods the property is unoccupied or if your tenant doesnt pay on time? Or worst case scenario, you get a tenant who doesn't pay for a long period of time and you need to go through the courts to get them out (with no guarantee of getting the money owed)?

    As for the bill split....if it were more temporary I'd have perhaps said the extra. But if its permanent it should be 5050 imo. Different if its just something that one of you gets the use of, but bills you both contribute to should be 5050. After all, while he may have paid for the electricity to use a light/tv/kitchen appliance anyway, you'd be getting the benefit of that also. While he might not be paying any extra, you'd be paying less than if you had your own home so you just paying an increase isn't fair imo.
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
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