Money Moral Dilemma: Should my girlfriend contribute to flat expenses?

Former_MSE_Nick Posts: 463 Forumite
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I recently bought a flat. My girlfriend doesn't officially live with me, but she stays here about 23 nights in a month. She lives with her dad who insists she pays no rent, and also owns a two-bed flat that she lets out (making our net income broadly the same). Should she contribute to monthly expenses of £1,200ish?

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  • flyingflea
    flyingflea Posts: 192 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Newshound!
    Yes I think that's only fair that she pays her own way or contributes some way either by paying for the food shopping or puts something towards the additional expenses that you will incur as a result of her living there most of the month.
  • Essex_Toppy
    If she does not offer, and you have to ask her for a fair contribution, perhaps she isn't the right girl for you. Do you really want to live with someone that inconsiderate?
  • AngelF
    AngelF Posts: 8 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    She probably has more cash to 'spare' than you, given what you've said about her background! Discuss it with HER, not on here, for Heaven's sake!!
  • purple4mum
    purple4mum Posts: 107 Forumite
    Well she just a sponger isn't she ? Come on she's on a freebie with everyone!So inconsiderate,cheeky and greedy.Nothing more to say
  • kez124
    kez124 Posts: 6 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    I had this with my boyfriend and it is a difficult one to discuss. He lived with his parents when I met him and after only a few months we were spending each week at my house and weekends at his parents. Due to the reduced time he spent at his parents they told him to stop paying them rent. He prompted the natural conversation that he maybe should pay it to me, but because he did not want to live with my housemate and we had been together less than 6 months I turned the offer down. We continued spending the week at my house and gradually reduced the time at his parents. Instead of having the headline conversation of bills, we just decided he move in - the difference was his dvd collection and a tv. It is reasonable for her to pay towards bills if she doesn't pay them elsewhere and unofficially lives with you, but anyone who has not been in this situation can think it is easier than it is. The easiest solutions are for her to move in officially (will that full length mirror, those dresses she never wears and a old book collection really make a difference?) or to ask her to pay the food shopping by explaining that whilst you can afford the flat, you feel you cannot equally contribute to treats and days out because of the cost of the flat and would prefer to. Sorry for the rant, but hope this helps!
  • littleliz24
    If you have already asked her to move in and she has declined, but continues to live the way she does and doesn't contribute then you have a problem. You should really discuss this with her, but she may feel like as she's not officially living at your house, she doesn't need to contribute. If you want her to move in officially and half everything then you should do, this gets rid of any assumptions and difficult conversations. However if you don't want her to live with you then just reduce the amount of time she spends at your place, that way she's not outstaying her free welcome!
  • Freebyman
    Freebyman Posts: 591 Forumite
    To be honest yes of course she should, but she seems to like the easy life anyway and is a sponge. The best advice would be to get another girlfriend!
    Old Faithful we roam the range together,
    Old Faithful in any kind of weather,
    When the round up days are over,
    And the Boulevard’s white with clover,
    For you old faithful pal of mine.
  • chesky
    chesky Posts: 1,341 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Her father has done her no favour by allowing her to remain 'his little girl' whilst owning a property she could easily live in. And grow up in.
    She has stayed infantilised and will probably expect the same treatment from any other man she meets.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Girlfriend of how long? How did the every few days became 23 days? Is she making herself at home or is she being asked/encouraged to stay?

    £1200 bills? Surely that included mortgage/rent. If I was the girlfriend, assuming the relationship was progressing more seriously and I had been handed a key to the property I would suggest giving a bit towards electricity, gas, Sky to help but nothing else. They're is the issue of CT. Assume she's not considered to be living there?
  • mrsammyp
    mrsammyp Posts: 178 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    To start with I'd ask whether she would be able to contribute towards the utility bills, as these are the costs which are variable based on her staying there. This will at least open the conversation up.

    If she starts paying towards the mortgage you need to consider whether she could later have a claim to some of the property if you split up.
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