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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my girlfriend contribute to flat expenses?



  • Clueless969
    Clueless969 Posts: 52 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    The fact that this dilemma is even posted shows that the relationship is "wrong".

    If she hasn't offered, you need a new girlfriend.
  • Leatherseat
    One issue that hasn't been mentioned is the possibility of your girlfriend gaining an interest in your property, if she contributes, financially.
    As it is not your intention to pass an interest in the property to her, it would make a lot of sense for you to put this in writing or to ask your girlfriend to sign a declaration accepting that she will acquire no interest in the property even though she is contributing to the bills. Without a written agreement, you could potentially face a legal dispute to sort out rights in your property were you to split up.

    Not an easy conversation, but if you are moving a relationship forward it is important to address more sensitive issues, together.
    Good luck,

  • If this website is trying to teach us anything it is how to be better with our money. The quicker your girlfriend learns to deal with paying bills and budgeting the better. Its a fact of life.
  • 19lottie82
    19lottie82 Posts: 6,027 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Can you not stay at hers half the time?
  • pope_acute
    pope_acute Posts: 19 Forumite
    if you're good looking maybe time to move on and get someone less ignorant. But if your punching above your weight , then this just might be the price you have to pay to keep her...

    but test her first, make the place really cold, and when she says "It's cold" state yeah you were struggling to pay the bill recently but you'll have it sorted soon. See if she offers to help out then,great. She's maybe just obliviously and not necessarily being mean. :rotfl:
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Maybe she isn't paying her dad because the mortgage is paid for and she uses little electricity/gas and all her personal bills are indeed paid by herself.

    Maybe she is not paying OP because she doesn't live there has no right to OP's house and she is the one bringing the food for both of them when she's there.
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,205 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Name Dropper
    OP - you need to have the conversation with your partner. Think about what you ideally want to achieve. Do you want her to move in, in which case it's reasonable ti discuss slitting bills, whether she is going to pay you rent and if so how much, and think about having a formal cohabitation agreement so that you are both clear on what has been agreed.

    If you are happy for other to still live with her dad but would like her to help out, be honest with yourself and with her. Think about what the *actual* additional costs of her being there are. Also think about how she is treated when she is there? Is she is 'guest' mode, or does she treat the place as her home.

    If she is effectively living with you then it is reasonable for her to contribute financially, bu it's also reasonable in those circumstances for you both to start treating it as your joint home, and for her to have a say in the way things are organised, furnished etc, how the two of you split tasks such as cooking and cleaning , and so on.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,998 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper Photogenic
    I'm not surprised her dad doesn't want to take rent off her given that she's only there 7 days a month.

    Either ask her to move in officially, in which case it would be entirely expected for her to start paying her share of the bills. Or carry on as you are. Treating her like a hotel guest and asking her to pay the bills on a property she can only access at your discretion is unlikely to go down well.
  • Lizzie8591
  • nannaanna
    nannaanna Posts: 20 Forumite
    You, and her father, to a degree, are idiots!

    Freebies - everywhere for her - freedom from any payments at yours and her fathers' house. OK, she may have a mortgage, BUT, she does receive rental for her property, which no doubt covers her mortgage payments. Why on earth you cannot at least ask for a contribution to your living expenses is beyond me - groceries, utilities, council tax, etc. are not free - she is being totally inconsiderate - be a man and ask for a contribution - if it's denied, she is definitely not the one for you.......
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