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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my girlfriend contribute to flat expenses?



  • crmism
    crmism Posts: 300 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Of course your girlfriend should contribute, else she'd be living rent-free altogether.

    Her father's decision to waive rent is his alone, though not necessarily something I would have done in this situation. By "nights", I presume you mean evenings and early mornings too, including time before work and, that being the case, she is causing normal wear and tear all the while she stays with you, and she should therefore pay something, even if it's only a token figure.

    Perhaps you should both get married as, that way, you would both have some contractual foundation to start from and could decide and agree who pays what!:)
  • joehoover
    joehoover Posts: 146 Forumite
    First Post
    I don't think your girlfriend is a fool, the mortgage on her flat is covered presumably by her tenants, so she pays no accommodation costs at present. Nice life if you can get it!

    Your issue with asking to contribute is all down to what she is contributing too, you are not married but if you did break up she could have a claim to part of your property if it is not set in stone what she was contributing towards. You may assume she is contributing towards electricity and toilet roll, but if she assumes she was contributing to the mortgage then you are in a sticky situation.

    Of course asking her to sign something to say what she is contributing towards to protect your property is not going to be an easy conversation. Unless you are planning a long term future together then presumably you would also have a stake in her flat.

    But looking at it another way - why has she never offered to pay for things? The cynic in me says she is driving the gravy train, going way over the speed limit.
  • Pegase
    Pegase Posts: 11 Forumite
    my situation was slightly different because my boyfriend was paying rent, and I own my house outright. For most of last year, he basically lived at my house, I think he slept at his less than 2 weeks (including one that I was away)!
    Although my expenses, both bills and mostly food, increased, I didn't feel right to ask him to contribute as he still had to pay rent and his share of his flatshare bills.
    He has officially moved in in October and so is now supposed to pay half the bills (not rent/mortgage since I don't have any. If I did, I would expect him to pay half rent, but not mortgage although maybe some 'rent' towards it).

    I said supposed because it turns out just as he moved in, his work hours were slashed (though he omitted to tell me for 3 months :naughty:, thinking that might change.. fat chance working for a charity whilst doing the same hours as before, they're not suddenly going to pay him full time again!).. he's now looking for another job but in the meantime, I'm paying all the bills, though I'm keeping a tally for him to pay me back later... after he clearer his other debts (I had assume someone with a business degree knew how to deal with his finances better :wall: )
  • Angri
    Angri Posts: 43 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    If you went to stay in her flat for 23 days per month, would your girlfriend expect/like you to contribute to expenses?

    If the answer is yes - then she should want to contribute to yours.
  • Augustus_the_Strong
    Yes, she should contribute. She sounds a bit of a fr ee lo a der. If you are developing a grievance about it, you'd better have that conversation (in a positive way).
  • daniellehewitt16
    I think it would be fair for her to contribute towards the bills, as she will be contributing to the cost of them by using electricity, water, etc. ... but it would be a hard conversation to have!
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Should she contribute towards the mortgage? Of course not since OP says she doesn't live there? Towards the CT bill? Yes if she is registered there, but I expect not, so no as no additional cost.
    Towards electricity/gas? If desperate, maybe. Additional cost? £10/£20 a month
    Phone/broadband/TV: No additional costs, so no
    Food: Definitely if OP is paying it all. Of course that should only be a contribution towards the joint meals, so £20 a week?

    So £25 a week, won't be making much of a dent on supposedly £1,200 a month bills!
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,234 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    If she has she not offered then get rid of the free loader.
  • happyc84
    happyc84 Posts: 325 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    I would ask for her to pay half of the variable cost. Food and Utilities.

    Surprised that anyone today would expect a "free ride".
  • happyinflorida
    How long have you been going out?

    Are you struggling to pay all the bills?

    If she contributes she will have a claim on your property should you split up - so think about that first and if you're happy for that to happen or not.

    I would get something drawn up by a solicitor that is experienced in this field first of all.

    Have you discussed her moving in in with you? If not, why not?

    Why does she only stay for 23 days per month - if it's anything to do with when you can have sex and the other 7 days you don't want her with you, I think she should look for a new boyfriend?!
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