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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my girlfriend contribute to flat expenses?

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  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    You say she is there 23 days a month.

    Has she actually moved all her things in?

    If not then IMO she is not living there, she is staying over.

    Who pays for food etc?

    Have you discussed her moving in/contributing etc?
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    chesky wrote: »
    Her father has done her no favour by allowing her to remain 'his little girl' whilst owning a property she could easily live in. And grow up in.
    She has stayed infantilised and will probably expect the same treatment from any other man she meets.

    Why?

    Perhaps she does not want to live on her own and what is wrong with that?

    I think it is a good idea if it suits her and her father to stay living together and be company for each other at the same time have her own property as a investment that she could move into in the future if say she wanted to settle down etc.

    Perhaps she has fallen into staying over and has not realised how much she does stay.

    If it is costing the OP more for her to be there he should bring this up with her.

    If she has not actually moved in I do not see why she should contribute towards such things as the mortgage.
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 47,385 Ambassador
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    So the more you like her, the more you want her to stay over.

    But then she stays over a lot and you want her to pay you to do so?

    What happens if she decides that you are only after her for her money and so she chooses to stay over less, so she doesn't need to pay for the privilege?
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  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
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    Tricky one - which, in part, depends on how much you need the money, how much you actually like her and how much you think she's "taking the p155".

    £1200 sounds way too much though....

    How much extra does she actually "cost" you for existing there?

    Does she have the 'right' to let herself in when you're not there, bringing friends back after a shopping trip? Do you often let yourself in and find she's there cooking a meal for friends? In short, is she having the enjoyments of "living there", or is she simply staying over as you've just had some free jiggy jiggy and it makes no sense for her to be turned out in the cold to drive home at 2am?
  • minicooper272
    minicooper272 Posts: 2,131 Forumite
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    I'd suggest she contributes to your food bills. If she's only there when you are too, then she's not using any extra heating or much in the way of additional electricity either, and it's not like your mortgage or council tax are affected. Food is the bigger additional expense.
  • gloriouslyhappy
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    AngelF wrote: »
    She probably has more cash to 'spare' than you, given what you've said about her background! Discuss it with HER, not on here, for Heaven's sake!!

    You're missing the point - this is a safe place to explore ideas and seek opinions before opening a difficult conversation!
  • gloriouslyhappy
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    purple4mum wrote: »
    Well she just a sponger isn't she ? Come on she's on a freebie with everyone!So inconsiderate,cheeky and greedy.Nothing more to say

    That's harsh, nothing is ever that black and white, don't you acknowledge any shades in between?
  • annie_stirling
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    She seems to be living off you and her dad at the moment. Plus getting rent from her flat and a job. I am cross to think she hasn't offered to contribute to your bills. Just ask her to share the cost , at least 1/4 of the bills as she is there with you for over 1/2 of each month. Tell her to pay up or not to stay over so much.
  • annie_stirling
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    Council tax could be affected if she stays as often as she does. He could loose his single person discount.
  • geoffhead
    geoffhead Posts: 8 Forumite
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    I cannot for the life in me think why these two should be together for those 23 days each month.
    I thought being together was all about sharing or am I just too old at 89 and too much out of date??
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