I saw some messages between my BF and his ex

trey101

I’m a gay male and my BF is bisexual. We're both in our mid 20s and have been together for 6 months. My BF’s previous partner was a woman and they were together for years. He left the relationship because of her depression but admitted to me he still cares about her a lot as a friend. We got together 2 months after their break up.

We know each others Facebook passwords and I just came across some messages between him and his ex. I’m very concerned and would like to know others thoughts on this. Could they still be in love with each other or are these simply the words of two people who respect and care about each other as long life friends?

Her: I really miss you sometimes
Him: I’m so so sorry for my slow reply. Are you ok? I really really miss you too.
Her: It’s ok, you don’t have to reply anyway. I just wanted you to know.
Him: I have to, want to, and need to reply. You’re an incredible person and I miss so so much about you.
Her: I hope you’ll always be so happy. It’s all I ever want for you.
Him: It’s all I want for you. I want to help make you happy too.
Her: You do. Talking to you on here makes me happy. 🙂
Him: I’ll always be here for you
Her: and you know I will for you too
Him: Thank you. That means so so much to me.
Her: I love you unconditionally. I’ll always be here whenever you need someone. Please don’t forget.
Him: As do I you. I want to do all I can to help you have the life and joy you so truly deserve. You’re unbelievably amazing and a phenomenal person and I miss you.
Her: Even though I didn’t show it, you always made me happy. I was an unhappy person, but you helped make a lot of that unhappiness go away every day.
Him: Oh gosh. I want to still make you happy.
Her: Just having you as someone in my life makes me feel happy. I can’t ask anymore of you than that and I don’t expect it either.
Him: No no, you can expect it and you can ask. I’m here and always will be. You mean soo much to me.
Her: You’ve already done so much for me
Him: You talk like you’re a burden but you’re nothing of the sort. Quite the opposite. You always make my life better. Talking to you is wonderful.

I've had some feedback from some other folk around the internet with such contrasting opinions. Some have said 'He said he loves her. This is going into emotional affair territory. He's clearly not over her. I don't think he's emotionally available to be in a relationship with you.' And others have said 'He cares about her as a friend and is being very kind to her. There is nothing romantic about these messages. You've found yourself a lovely sympathetic and nurturing boyfriend.'

I'm completely stumped if I'm honest and I definitely want to have a chat with my BF about this but I thought I'd see what advice I get here first.

thorsoak

They were together "for years" you've been together for six months.

I think the chances of you staying together for years are pretty low. In your shoes, I think I would be planning my exit.

Pollycat

What does your partner say about the messages?

System

Well whatever they mean to each other, its clear that neither of them have let go.

The worst part about it, is that your very much on the outside.

Him: It’s all I want for you. I want to help make you happy too

Stuff that, i'd be gone!:mad:

rach_k

It wouldn't worry me much. He told you he still cares about her, he has a long history with her and he sounds like he's being supportive. I'd take it as a good thing - he's a nice person.

I'd be more concerned about the fact that you 'just came across' the messages. Even if you're both happy for each other to have access to your Facebook accounts, you don't just come across messages. Perhaps you accidentally accessed his account but then you'd have to not see it's his account, click to go to messages and then read the whole thing. That's not just coming across anything! If you're rooting around to find messages, either you already suspected something with good reason (why - is there more to the story?), or you're overly suspicious (why - do you have a history with cheating partners?) or you have no respect for his privacy. One of those is the problem, I think.

Pop_Up_Pirate

Another first time poster with a highly detailed 'problem'?

I don't think so.

owenwoodcock89

Without knowing your boyfriend personally, it would be very hard to know your partners intentions from these messages.

The best thing you can do is ask your boyfriend their thoughts about the future of you two and if it ever crosses his mind to go back to his ex.

Another thing that comes to mind is, does your boyfriend feel guilty for leaving someone because they have depression rather than standing by their side? Could this be the cause of the strong eagerness to make their ex feel better?

Rainbowgirl84

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

Another first time poster with a highly detailed 'problem'?

I don't think so.

...is the correct answer! It reads like something directly out of Mills and Boon TBH.

JulieElizabeth

How do you "just come across" these messages without snooping?

PeacefulWaters

JulieElizabeth wrote: »

How do you "just come across" these messages without snooping?

You usually sense a slight change in behaviour and your gut tells you to be nosey.

Oh for the good old days when I found a love note to my ex in the tumble dryer!

motorguy

trey101 wrote: »

I’m a gay male and my BF is bisexual. We're both in our mid 20s and have been together for 6 months. My BF’s previous partner was a woman and they were together for years. He left the relationship because of her depression but admitted to me he still cares about her a lot as a friend. We got together 2 months after their break up.

We know each others Facebook passwords and I just came across some messages between him and his ex. I’m very concerned and would like to know others thoughts on this. Could they still be in love with each other or are these simply the words of two people who respect and care about each other as long life friends?



I've had some feedback from some other folk around the internet with such contrasting opinions. Some have said 'He said he loves her. This is going into emotional affair territory. He's clearly not over her. I don't think he's emotionally available to be in a relationship with you.' And others have said 'He cares about her as a friend and is being very kind to her. There is nothing romantic about these messages. You've found yourself a lovely sympathetic and nurturing boyfriend.'

I'm completely stumped if I'm honest and I definitely want to have a chat with my BF about this but I thought I'd see what advice I get here first.

If you "confront" him now, then he can talk his walk out of it.

I'd let it lie for the meantime and check the messages periodically.

As Ronald Reagan said - "Trust - but verify"