I saw some messages between my BF and his ex

makingplans4nigel

Of course he may still have feelings for her, but when I saw his reply "Oh gosh", I thought to myself you probably got nowt to worry about.

Alikay

He loves her, and is in love with her. He's gay or bisexual though, so also wants a sexual relationship with a man (you). Is this OK with you? I suspect it's not OK with her, hence she's his ex.

Sounds way too complicated for me, so I'd be off.

Pollycat

JulieElizabeth wrote: »

How do you "just come across" these messages without snooping?

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

You usually sense a slight change in behaviour and your gut tells you to be nosey.

Yes, quite often that happens.
My cheating ex went off and got himself a curly poodle perm.:rotfl:

But the OP doesn't say his partner's behaviour changed so he suspected something (and he does go into quite a lot of details about other stuff):

sulphate

They are not appropriate messages to be sending when one party is in a relationship. You wouldn't see me for dust.

ThomasChaney

I think you should talk with your parter ones very clearly regarding all these things. And listen what he has to say. I think rather than suspecting him on all these you should better to have a detailed talk about it.

Pollycat

ThomasChaney wrote: »

I think you should talk with your parter ones very clearly regarding all these things. And listen what he has to say. I think rather than suspecting him on all these you should better to have a detailed talk about it.

It's going to be an interesting conversation with the OP's partner asking how he knows about the messages.....

toniq

They use the word happy too much for me to think it's anything serious, she wants him to be happy as he does her.

Maybe him being friendly is to help her heal?

I don't read as anything bar two people jut being very polite and friendly.

If you are worried ask him rather than us as only he can tell you the true intent.

BJV

TBH it makes no difference what anyone here thinks. The only person who can answer your question is your partner.

Have to say you are on dangerous ground as in essence you are saying "hey sweetie not sure if I can trust you as look at what I found when I was stalking your facebook account"

Please remember trust is a two way street. That said now you have seen the messages you have to ask as otherwise this could become a lot worse.

Option one you let mistrust change the way you are around them. = Relationship fails
Option two you find out he is having some sort of relationship. = Relationship fails

Option 3 you talk to him and sort it out. I know which one I would choose!

[Deleted User]

I would be a little worried too. You say his ex has problems with depression..... maybe he is just trying to be the good guy and help..... maybe he doesn't want to ignore her or be too distant as it may send her into depression?

I would talk to him about it, see what he says and then follow your gut. You always know if they are messing around or not just make sure you listen to your gut feeling!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Did he leave her because he needed to date men? That no matter how much they tried, a M-F relationship wasn't going to make him happy in the long run? She wanted a permanent future with children and he couldn't expect her to give up her chances for that if it wasn't something he wanted?

It sounds like he's responding kindly to somebody he hurt completely unintentionally, to me. If anything, he's laid out on a bit thick, but it pretty much ticks all the boxes for What To Say To Make An Ex You Never Wanted To Hurt Feel Better.