I saw some messages between my BF and his ex

FBaby

Maybe it means that they are discovering breaking up was a mistake, maybe it's just the way they talk as friends and doesn't change anything about your relationship.

Frankly, I'm quite confident, but if I'd come across that sort of exchange, I would be out regardless of what it means because I wouldn't want to be in a relationship at that stage of potential commitment with that constant wondering what is going on and are they going to announce any day that they want to be back with their ex. It would probably lead me to some level of paranoia or at least high alertness and that would be more trouble than worth.

dirty_magic

Pollycat wrote: »

It's going to be an interesting conversation with the OP's partner asking how he knows about the messages.....

The OP hasn't actually said they've deliberately gone looking for something, we don't know how they found the messages.

If something like that happened that made me think my OH was cheating and he denied it I'd probably read the rest of the conversation too. I'd rather be a snooper than a fool!

ripplyuk

OP says he just 'came across' theses messages on his partner's Facebook page. If he didn't need to snoop to find out, that seems to go in his partner's favour, as he wasn't trying to hide anything. I've never used Facebook though, so I've no idea how it works.

To me, those messages wouldn't convince me he's cheating. But they are inappropriate and I wouldn't be happy.

Pollycat

dirty_magic wrote: »

The OP hasn't actually said they've deliberately gone looking for something, we don't know how they found the messages.

If something like that happened that made me think my OH was cheating and he denied it I'd probably read the rest of the conversation too. I'd rather be a snooper than a fool!

ripplyuk wrote: »

OP says he just 'came across' theses messages on his partner's Facebook page. If he didn't need to snoop to find out, that seems to go in his partner's favour, as he wasn't trying to hide anything. I've never used Facebook though, so I've no idea how it works.

To me, those messages wouldn't convince me he's cheating. But they are inappropriate and I wouldn't be happy.

If the OP wants to get to the bottom of any feelings between his partner and his partner's ex he's going to have to reveal the extent of what he's read.

It's one thing to glance and see a string of messages and just note the sender/recipient and another entirely to ask what he means about making her happy and the fact he misses her etc etc
Which is what he's going to have to do to satisfy himself that the relationship is no longer sexual.

If it is entirely innocent, the fact that he's read the conversation may result in the end of the relationship.
And if he ever finds out his partner has posted the messages on a public forum, well........

trey101

Wow, I didn't even expect so much feedback!

It's certainly a lot to take in... I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I've been keeping an eye on the messages. My BF checked in with her again last night saying he wanted to say hello and thank her for the chats the other day. I scrolled up and it looks like they've been talking on FB daily for a while but I haven't read them... I feel terrible for snooping but in a way I'm glad I did, otherwise I'd never know about this.

I need to talk to him about this but I could do with calming down first... I'm surprised because he knows I have his password. He must have not got around to deleting them or maybe just thought I wouldn't look...

Angry_Bear

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It sounds like he's responding kindly to somebody he hurt completely unintentionally, to me. If anything, he's laid out on a bit thick, but it pretty much ticks all the boxes for What To Say To Make An Ex You Never Wanted To Hurt Feel Better.

Hmm, to me there's a big difference between "I really want you to be happy" and "I want to make you happy".
The messages in the OP repeatedly says that the BF wants to be the one to make his ex happy. That seems really weird to me - normal "What To Say To Make An Ex You Never Wanted To Hurt Feel Better" would be more like "and I hope you find someone who makes you happy".
But not knowing any of the parties in person makes it impossible to guess whether I'm reading too much into nothing or not.

Zeni

That's a hard one. For me I read it very much as he cares a lot about her and possibly feels bad for what he has done and wants to make her happy. It could be he's holding a lot of guilt for leaving her because of her depression and rather than make her sad wants to make her happy. He seems keen to help her and be there for her as Im guessing after all those years they must be close friends. Do those messages match up with what he is like to you and as a person?

societys_child

Sorry, but this too cheesy, even by Mills and Boon standards.

I'm not buying it, same as I won't be buying chapter two if it ever gets released . .

Oh Roberto, I can't wait for you much longer, I need to clutch you to my bosoms, I feel so empty without you.

I know my darling, I feel the same, but I am vis another and . . .

can't go on, think I'm gonna throw up

societys_child

I need to talk to him about this but I could do with calming down first

lol, so to calm down, you signed up to this forum to post on here and tell the world all about it.

Yeah, ok . . .:T

Aced2016

I found their conversation very very weird ! Not a couple having it away on the side! If my husband had sent those kind of messages I'd think he's gone a bit mad.

My take it on it is he loves her deeply, he cares for her and feels guilty ! I feel he wants to be with men (that would be you) but feels bad for what he's done to her.

I don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of cheating etc. I think he just genuinely feels bad and worried for her, but he can't change the way he feels. He is gay and I just feel Mabye she and him have still got a bit of denial on that part !

So speak with him, be honest and let him know it bothers you. You need to talk for things to work !

Good luck