£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Tropically

I think he wants to go with shared presents because he wants you to do all the work including thinking about what they want, picking out the items, wrapping them etc. He wants you to have that mental burden. 

Sea_Shell

When you were together did you have a sort of "good cop, bad cop" thing going with the kids?  Were you always the "sensible" one and XH the "let's have pizza and ice cream for breakfast" one?

Could (do) the kids wrap him around their little fingers?

I've seen it happen that "Mums" seem to get left to sort out the mundane stuff, and "Dads" get to do the fun stuff on the days they have the kids.  (Sorry to stereo type, but that's just my experience)

You'll run yourself ragged trying to ensure they always have healthy meals, cleans clothes, clean house, if XH isn't pulling his weight on the days he has them.

I'm not sure what the answer is whilst you're sharing "home base", as it sounds like if you don't do it, it won't get done and that's not fair on the kids.

However a period of "strike action" may need to be employed to get your point across.

How he parents in the future will always be a concern, but just cross that bridge when you come to it.

Enough waffle from me...enjoy your time away!!

Sea_Shell

Oh, and another vote here for separate presents!    Love from MUM!!

Pollie

Why on earth can't he bring food with him when he has the children?  We always did shared presents after our separation and divorce so again why can't he buy the presents and YOU give HIM half of the cost?

Moreplease

I know a few ex couples who continue to buy shared presents for the kids which works well for the children because shared presents are opened all together with both parents there - so if you’re likely to do that for birthdays/Christmas etc then great but if you’re not there’s really no point. Why would you pay for half a present you don’t get to see opened? 
Perhaps you might need to apportion the food budget - and leave him to get on with it. Otherwise that expectation that you will do all of it will stay! X

Honeysucklelou2

We’ve done separate presents since separation or rather, the ex has had to start thinking for himself, remember when birthdays occur and plan accordingly. The only thing we split the cost of is the birthday meal. This has worked well by and large until odd birthdays where he hasn’t known what to get and has asked me for ideas, so I to.d him what Zi has bought, so that he could avoid duplication but he bought a similar item. I never give ideas now.

With regard to the food, can you not allocate XH a cupboard or freezer space so he can buy in food for  those days? 

Treadingonplaymobil

Thanks for all the wise words everyone. I have decided that even if I am being very slightly unreasonable with wanting to do separate presents (because realistically we will probably both be there on their birthdays for the foreseeable) actually I’ve been SO reasonable on everything so far that I’m going to just stick with what makes me happy here. I feel either is fine for the DCs, it’s basically just whether I end up happy or XH ends up happy, and why should it be him every single time?! Also I agree that he probably just wants me to plan and execute birthdays as I always have.

I am going to raise the food shopping/general housewifing in our next mediation session, as I feel like it all needs airing out and discussing with a neutral party present.

Sea_shell definitely a good cop bad cop thing going on! To the point that (upsettingly) the middle one openly misses him more than me because he puts fewer boundaries in place and does more fun stuff. It was thinking about how he always does board games every weekend and I do batch cooking that actually started my ‘I need to stop being the housewife’ epiphany.

I am going away tonight and I am SO looking forward to the break. I have brain-dumped everything for discussion in mediation onto a massive list so I don’t keep turning it over in my head all holiday. I really need to switch off and relax.

Cherryfudge

Have a lovely time away, TOPM. That list is a great idea, though if you're like me you will still think of something to add later.

Courgette

TOPM!!!!

I'm SO pleased to see you back! I was actually thinking about you the other day. We've had a massive tax credits OP, like really massive, and I was asking myself what you would do in this circumstance and it wouldn't be to frugalise the crap out of life, it would be to be strategic and focus on growth and abundance so that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm sorry to hear about your split with XH. Speaking from experience, it'll feel so much easier once you have your living spaces fully separated. I hear you so loudly as well about dad doing all the fun stuff and feeling like it takes from your allowance. I don't have any easy answers I'm afraid other than it will all come out in the wash. My oldest DS used to cry sometimes when he'd come home from his dad's because he knew bedtimes were gonna happen and teeth were gonna be brushed etc. Now he's an adult he really appreciates everything I did for him that his dad didn't. Not easy at the time though.

Have a lovely week away

Courgette xx

Chrystal

Hope you have a fab time whilst away.  Everything else can be put aside till mediation.  X