£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Cherryfudge

Humdinger1 said:

Is anyone else logging in,  excited for updates from TOPM? 

Me

Humdinger1

Over and over? Obsessively?!

apple_muncher

Humdinger1 said:

Is anyone else logging in,  excited for updates from TOPM? 

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Treadingonplaymobil

Hello! More than halfway through my holiday, having a super time. Thus far no broken limbs. Starting to miss the DCs quite a lot, but I know they've been in good hands with my mum, and XH and his mum will do a perfectly good job for the remainder of the week (not as good as me, obviously    ).

Have also spent virtually nothing, which is great but means I feel rather guilty as NC is paying for everything (this was always the deal - I was very open about the fact that I could afford to contribute precisely £0 to the entire holiday, but it's still tricky when one half of a couple has significantly more free cash than the other half!). 

It has been so good to get away from the house/finance situation - feels like a weight has been lifted the past few days. It's made me realise that actually sorting out the longer term financial picture isn't the urgent pressing thing. Instead, I need to sort out my short term living situation and figure out how to not be sharing a house with XH. That's really at the root of my stress right now, and is the thing I need to prioritise sorting. I've been playing with benefits calculators and I reckon I'll get something like £300 more pm if I'm renting rather than paying a mortgage, even though there's a little bit of equity in the house (£28k, but as far as I understand it's assumed to be split in half - I need to confirm this with my work coach). I'm not sure whether that's enough to move me out of the house and XH back in, but I'm going to play with the figures and see.

Slightly concerningly, I've just seen that XH missed a payment on one of our CCs, which is in joint names (well, I'm a named cardholder), in January. He's made the payment (although not made February's yet). I hate talking to him about money as it always ends in a row, but I'm going to have to ask him about it at some stage. First though, I've very casually asked for the login details for the other two CCs 'to help me run some budget numbers', without letting him know I know about the Barclaycard missed payment, because I want to check those two as well. I feel like he can't have it both ways - claiming the debt is joint, but not treating it as a joint responsibility and deciding not to make a payment when we worked out a budget together to ensure those payments happen and that he has enough money in the bank to make them.

In brighter news, it sounds like my mum brought down loads of food when she came to look after the DCs for the first half of the week, so I'm expecting plenty of food left in the freezer for next week when I get back. Should mean a cheaper couple of weeks food shopping. Although XH has his mother there for the second half of the week so maybe they'll use it all up, as she won't make any effort to use up perishable stuff first etc, because she couldn't care less about my budget.

Humdinger1

TOPM, fab to hear from you! Glad you're having a wonderful time; and you're contributing far more to the holiday by the light of your countenance than any money ever could.  You deserve this after all the stress  It's amazing what some distance from a problem will do.   Your analysis strikes me as spot-on and the sooner things are sorted, the better it will be.  A big crash course in reality awaits the EH I think.  

When do you next see the mediator?
Humdinger xx

Treadingonplaymobil

Back home! I love coming home after holidays. I've drunk about 90,000 mugs of tea (is it just me, or does tea never taste the same when you're abroad?), cuddled the DCs to within an inch of their lives, and generally enjoyed settling back into my space with my new fresh mindset.

XH, to be fair to him, has left the place spotless, and hardly used any of the food I bought, which is really nice as it means my food budget will have an easy month.

I'm sitting at the dining table and the DC are occupying themselves (DC2 and 3 very noisily, as always  ), menu planning the week and planning out my work and what I want to get done this week. This is the last week of our old childcare schedule, then we switch to the new better one, which I'm really looking forward to. We also have mediation next Friday, so I need to get really clear on what I want to discuss/put on the agenda (I'm going to send out an email before mediation). I spent a bit of time before I went away figuring out how I want my weeks to look, so I'm feeling confident now that I have enough time to do all that and not overwhelm myself by also expecting myself to manage 30 hours work. My immediate short term priority is creating a more separate day-to-day life from XH, so I'm not housewifing for him every single day or spending my time with the DCs cooking and cleaning to make his time with them easier, and that's what i'm going to focus the mediation on. Ideally it would look like me moving out into a rental, but even if I can't I want to delineate tasks, food budgets/planning an awful lot more.

Oh, I've just remembered I need to log on to the credit cards - XH sent me incorrect details for one of them, which makes me wonder if there's another nasty surprise luring, but hopefully it was a genuine mistake.

dawnybabes

I always crave normal tea and bangers and mash when I get home (ironically don’t like bangers and mash normally) 

Humdinger1

TOPM, yes totally agree re topping up tea levels as soon as I get home.  Sometimes tea tastes so different when away that I stop making it, and just go into a tea-making orgy when back in Blighty. 
And yes, totally agree re only doing the admin for when you're with the DC. Your EH needs a crash course in reality, and you deserve to have some fun time with yourself and the DC. Not that it matters or is a motivator, but one day he may even thank you for it, if he ever realises that his castle in the air has no building regs and has been condemned by inspectors.  You'll be modelling healthy behaviour for the DCs and helping set up the new normal for yourself.  Sounds like the mediation is worth every penny? Love Humdinger x 

Treadingonplaymobil

Monday morning! I know I've said it before, but I love a fresh new week. Especially after a week away - this Monday feels like the start of something good, taking control of life and moving it towards how I want it to look rather than constantly trying to appease everyone else.

Priorities for the week:

1. Setting an agenda for mediation so XH knows what I'm hoping to discuss and comes armed with whatever information he needs, so we don't get held up by lack of info.
2. Packing and posting orders.
3. Make, pack and deliver wholesale order.
4. Catching up with contract work - I expect this to be a fairly heavy load this week, but it's paid by the hour, so not all bad.
5. Make a start on the handmade presents I have planned for a relative and my own DC later this month.
6. Provide Universal Credit with the info they need to contribute towards my childcare costs.
7. Daily yoga - after a week off it was PAINFUL this morning! 
8. Begin to incorporate my new weekly rhythm. I can't fully shift over to how I want my weeks to look until next week when our new childcare schedule kicks in, butI can make a start on some bits.

I spent ages yesterday fishing through the freezer to see what had been used up and what was left, and this week's menu plan is pretty much identical to last weeks. I've got tons of food in the cupboards and freezer because I stocked up before going away with NC and not much got used, so hoping for a couple of cheap-ish weeks. Menu plan for the week looks like this:

Monday 
breakfast - Nutella on toast (special treat - I brought the DCs each a mini jar back from hols)
lunch - HM mini pizzas from freezer for DCs, leftover chilli for me
dinner - kitchari from freezer, carrot salad, spinach, beans

Tuesday 3
breakfast - HM granola and yoghurt
lunch - ham rolls, bone broth from the freezer for me
dinner - jacket potatoes cooked and frozen before I went away, tuna and beans, cheese

Wednesday 4
breakfast - porridge
lunch - mini pizzas
dinner - chana dal

Thursday 5
breakfast - french toast
lunch - ham rolls
dinner - DC1 cooking this elaborate duck recipe!
to make - hot cross buns with donated dried fruit and mixed peel

Friday 6
breakfast - porridge
lunch - leftovers/ham rolls
dinner - veggie burgers/sausages from freezer, invisible apple cake

Saturday 7
breakfast - sourdough popovers with leftover sourdough starter
lunch - freezer leftovers/eggs on toast
dinner - cottage pie with mince and mashed potatoes in freezer (experiment to see how mash freezes!)
to make - sourdough, granola

Sunday 8
breakfast - yoghurt and HM granola
lunch - soup/leftovers from freezer
dinner - 3 bean enchiladas (enchilada sauce recipe here)

PurpleFairy26

You sound so focused! Thanks for sharing your menu. That Apple cake looks lovely. Will definitely make that this weekend I think as a change. 

I find mash freezes fine, appreciate its too late for now. But I normally use an ice cream scoop to portion out and open freeze (only takes a hour or 2) and then bag or box up. That way you can do a big batch but only take out X per child for X meal or X to top a cottage pie. 

Hope the meditation goes well next week