£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Star_Mummy_2

So he wants to take the house, shoulder you with the debt...and dictate to you that you can’t work too many hours. All these leave you financially wrecked.
Has he been on the mushrooms? 

Treadingonplaymobil

Monday morning! Best time of the week - fresh starts and new beginnings. Massive post coming up. Find tea before getting stuck in.

I feel similarly to previous posters about XH during my less charitable moments, but I know that the problem is that he has (and has always had) very little understanding of what I actually do in terms of running the house, working, holding the whole thing together, rather than being deliberately difficult - he is one of those 'nice guys' who amble through life and are blissfully unaware of the frantic paddling going on under the surface around them to keep everything together. If you ask him, he'd totally say he understood all that I do, but at a fundamental level I don't think he appreciates how flat I am all of the time, how hard I've been working, how much I do to hold the ship together. Anyway, at least I've got a minor step forward in terms of food planning, which hopefully will be enough to see me through until May.

I had a big spend yesterday, but it felt like the right thing to do. Basically every time anyone gave me any money (birthdays or whatever) I've been saving a big chunk of it in a YNAB pot for a rainy day/**** it moment/emergency (this is separate from my actual emergency fund), and yesterday NC and I decided to spend a good chunk of money on new bikes for the older two DC (DC1 can't really ride and is off to secondary in September). We split costs half and half, so were able to buy decent ones. Well, best day for a long time! They loved being treated (and luckily DC3 was happy with a new helmet as one of the old bikes is still fine for her) and although both older ones were nervous they all spent the afternoon really trying, and by the end both DC1 and 2 were pedalling round completely and utterly independently and DC3 was having moments of cycling independently and just a hand on the back the rest of the time. Honestly, I could literally feel happiness bubbling up and spilling over the edges, I could not keep the grin off my face. Not teaching DC1 to cycle properly has been a real parent-guilt thing for me, as everyone seems to make the time for it and yet there always seemed to be something more urgent to do each weekend, and with secondary school in September it feels more urgent. I'm going to try to take them out a couple of times a week until they're really confident, then hopefully weekend bike rides can become a thing we can actually do. It really cheered me up and showed me there are moments of awesomeness even in the midst of tricky weeks.

We're having an 'eat the freezer and cupboards' week here, in an effort to use up as much food as possible before XH starts being responsible for providing his own food, as I know inevitable he'll need to tap my stuff at first while he figures things out, and to be honest I feel slightly resentful at giving him a budget share but also (inevitably) providing the food for his first few meals. But it's impossible to avoid, and the sooner it's out the way the sooner I can start getting to grips with the divide and how it will work. I've already realised, for instance, that porridge oats/toppings are going to continue to be funded by me, as realistically he's not going to be providing his own little container of golden syrup/raisins when there's some there, so I'm just going to allow a proportion for basic breakfast stuff in my budget (and tell him I'm doing so) and anything fancier can be funded by us individually.
Menu plan for the week looks something like:
breakfasts: use up whatever's in the house! Particularly granola, which I make.
lunches: use up stuff in freezer, make more sausage rolls as supplies run low
dinners:
Monday - use up mince in freezer (my mum has some asian pancake thing with mince she wants to try)
Tuesday - soup (in freezer), lentils, rice, coriander, flatbreads
Wednesday - maybe bacon and tomato pasta (bacon in freezer) unless I find something better to use up from the freezer
Thursday-Sunday - XH's problem!

Excitingly, the new chunk of contract work I've been given looks like it's taking off well, so that should be at least another £50 a week income, maybe more. And the best bit is that it's billed in 15 minute chunks and I'm only paid when I'm working, so no dead time. The downside is it's making it hard to find time to grow my own business, but I'm going to just keep picking away at the jobs for the new business, and let it grow super slowly, and gradually as I need more childcare or whatever I'll just add it in. My expectation/plan is to be working 25-35 hours a week, with a commensurate sensible income, by the summer holidays. Since XH wants to do all holidays 50/50 I will also have (for the first time) the ability to keep working over the holidays, which is incredible - normally I have had to let things slide over the holiday then pick them up again afterwards - always incredibly challenging after the summer, but even easter and Christmas have had an effect.

I was looking back at last week's priorities for the week...

1. Setting an agenda for mediation so XH knows what I'm hoping to discuss and comes armed with whatever information he needs, so we don't get held up by lack of info. Done
2. Packing and posting orders. Done
3. Make, pack and deliver wholesale order. Partially done, the rest needs to go today.
4. Catching up with contract work - I expect this to be a fairly heavy load this week, but it's paid by the hour, so not all bad. Done.
5. Make a start on the handmade presents I have planned for a relative and my own DC later this month. Not done.
6. Provide Universal Credit with the info they need to contribute towards my childcare costs. Finally got the letter from the school on Friday, will do today.
7. Daily yoga - after a week off it was PAINFUL this morning!  . Barely got started last week, did maybe two days. Really want to get back to it today, but have already run out of time this morning - will do some after school run.
8. Begin to incorporate my new weekly rhythm. I can't fully shift over to how I want my weeks to look until next week when our new childcare schedule kicks in, butI can make a start on some bits. Made a start, but with new schedule starting today I have an opportunity to really get stuck in.

Here's the list for this week:
1. Move any expensive food to NC's cupboards/freezer (I am accepting that cheaper stuff will just get used up until it's gone, and there's no point stressing about it).
2. Handmade presents for relative and own DC (relative is more urgent).
3. Daily yoga.
4. Childcare costs info to UC.
5. Really focus on my new weekly rhythm and how I want my time to be spent.
6. Engage with new contract work project to ensure it continues to take off and remains a good source of extra income.

Phew, I think that's it for now! I hope you all have super Mondays.

PurpleFairy26

Sounds like you are definitely moving forward and making great plans. Loving the bike purchases for the 2 eldest too, when they’re all up and cycling confidently it can be a cheap activity out with a picnic in a rucksack. 

Have a great week. 

Treadingonplaymobil

That’s my hope Purplefairy26 - cheap days out and potentially for DC1 a means to get to secondary school if we end up moving nearer to it (I need to either stay in this town and DC1 goes on the bus to secondary or move and drive DC2 and 3 to school each day while DC1 gets himself to school. Property is significantly cheaper if we move so even though the drive will be a hassle it’s still likely).

I’m having one of those very bitty inefficient days. Lots being done but nothing big and satisfying ticked off the list.

Verbatim

All sounding very positive and exciting. Congratulations on the bikes and extra earning potential. 

Honeysucklelou2

Bike purchases sound a good move. Fun days out and a good form of exercise in 1.  Check out the National Trust because I’ve come across cycle trails there before. The Forestry Commission might also be worth a look for trails that are bike friendly.  

Humdinger1

TOPM, that sounds fab! Fresh air, fun, and all done in the new situation.   I found - when I parted from EH and before meeting my now DH - that it helped to have some new fun stuff so that it wasn't all about trauma.   Love Humdinger x 

Treadingonplaymobil

Another day, another dollar (hopefully!).

Thanks for the positive comments re the bikes. It was painful to spend my big chunk of cash, but it felt like exactly the right thing to do - I hadn't even considered the cheap days out potential, so now I feel even happier about it! We have a good forest near us with loads of good easy bike trails, as well as some trickier ones.

Eating down the fridge/freezer/cupboards has been going well this week. Although I've still spent more than I expected to on food. I am slightly concerned about how I'm going to manage with my new tiny budget, but I'm hoping that I'll adjust and that XH will genuinely pick up the slack during his time with the DCs. Also it's going to be the first thing to add a little bit more money too as my income increases.

Speaking of income, I've already time-sheeted £85 of time to the new work project since last Thursday, so I'm optimistic that that will continue to provide a bit extra. It will settle to a lower lever, but even a couple of weeks at £100 per week rather than £50 per week would make a difference.

I feel like the maintenance sum that XH and I have agreed for the next couple of months is likely to be closer to my permanent figure (ie quite a couple of hundred a month lower than I have been on until now), so I should probably start looking at my budget as a more permanent entity and consider ways to up my income or find flex in my budget so there's plenty of freedom to do the things I want. I think the thing I really want to focus on is my income and how to increase it, rather than looking for more cuts to make in my budget.

I think one of my key focus areas needs to be my working hours. Because I work from home and I want to spend my evenings with the DCs, my biggest challenge is still the temptation (or more realistically, necessity) to do housework during the day, which inevitably eats into my working hours. I am definitely not working for six hours a day, five days a week during term time, which is technically the child free time I have available to me. What I can't quite decide is what a reasonable balance is, and how much I should be trying to squash into my time with the DCs (remember that when I don't have them I'm not actually staying in the house, so there is a limit to what I can do while at NCs). Any thoughts on the subject always appreciated!

This week's list is looking ok so far...
Here's the list for this week:
1. Move any expensive food to NC's cupboards/freezer (I am accepting that cheaper stuff will just get used up until it's gone, and there's no point stressing about it). Expensive freezer stuff (meat etc) moved, cupboard stuff boxed up to move today.
2. Handmade presents for relative and own DC (relative is more urgent). Planning to focus on this today.
3. Daily yoga. Well there's only been two days, but it's a total win so far. 
4. Childcare costs info to UC. Done, hurrah!
5. Really focus on my new weekly rhythm and how I want my time to be spent. The holes/wild time optimism in my plans are becoming apparent as I focus on this, so i'm going to experiment with some changes. I have concluded that actually trying to work, exercise, house-keep, look after three children (and have one to one time with them occasionally), focus on a new relationship and have downtime is actually a massive challenge to fit in, and it's easier to change expectations of myself than to run ragged trying to do it all. Not sure how I'll shift things yet, but I'm looking at it.
6. Engage with new contract work project to ensure it continues to take off and remains a good source of extra income. Going well so far.

Humdinger1

TOPM
Ooh, you've reached right into my head! This dilemma is exactly the one I face as also work from home.  In the end, I made a joke of it to myself by saying every morning  'Well, what am I going to neglect today?'  It was the only way I found to acknowledge that I was trying to fit a quart into a pint pot.  In my case, housework always comes last: I'm bored by it and as long as the house isn't so bad that it would be condemned by a sanitary inspector,  it will have to do.  My DH is excellent at it though and am training my daughter to do a bit; I used to have a cleaner but when my 2 stepdaughters moved out, it was an unjustifiable expense for just 3 people.  Are the children still helping  and how is NC shaping up on this?
I'd say that making time for yourself is the key here; if you implode, the whole show is off the road.  Will have a think about anything else I found useful love Humdinger x

apple_muncher

I just love that you are moving the expensive food out of the house!!!!! Quite right too!