Attitudes in young people

freyasmum

fuddle wrote: »

Freyasmum 'she doesn't appear to have taught her son's any life lessons' is what you've said.

This is my point about this discussion. This thread, on the whole, is bashing a woman over what someone else has observed or thinks goes on in the household.

Bashing a woman with tone of women's rights and equality while blaming her for not teaching her son's life lessons. See the irony? Man person in there somewhere who is also not contributing to teaching their sons skills... or is that because it's a woman's role to do so?

For all the OP knows there are nightly arguments about the woman not coping, tears, breakdown and inaction of the males to change. Her fault, or the way her husband was brought up when maybe choice wasn't as it is for women now.

My point being we don't know and we're slagging this woman off as being inadequate. For all we know she could be in a rut and trying to hide her misery to the OP pretending, as women do, to be supernum, loving wife and all round wonderwoman.

I absolutely see what you're saying; However, on a forum, we can only use the 'evidence' at hand, so to speak. And that is, what the OP has presented to us.

It most definitely is not just the woman's role to teach the children important life skills - and I am reminded how lucky I am to have an OH like I do; he is fab around the house. When we go to his parents, he'll have a clean around there as well, doing the things that are no longer so easy for them. He did all the garden for them last time, picking up the fallen leaves and setting them out for the binmen. Her husband is most definitely failing here if he's decided that he's not going to lift a finger 'because he's the man' and, as such, is 'too good' for 'women's work'.

But, with regards to the OP (which I can only take at face value, or there would be no point replying at all) - perhaps with the addition of "no, it is not just up to the woman, not at all," - which states that the woman "believes that boys should stay out of the kitchen", then I stand by my original point. Actively choosing NOT to teach the children (either gender, it really doesn't matter) is a failing in my book. Yes, people can learn later in life, but my personal view is why deliberately make it more difficult than it needs to be for them?

maman

monnagran wrote: »

I also did Latin and Domestic Science.

Same here but all I remember from DS was making a cheese pie and endlessly scrubbing down wooden tables. I suppose the menial nature of DS and the like was reinforced when we dropped it to do more academic subjects for exams.

mrssnowy_2

I to did Latin and DS,dropped Latin!!!
I can't ever remember being made to do anything by my parents,but left home able to run a home. Process of osmosis!
My DH was a spoiled only child who never had to do anything,but he was a wonderful husband and soon learned how to cook,clean,shop etc,we always shared chores as we both worked full time.
Our 3 children were all encouraged to do things around the home,usually had to cook their own tea after school,cos I was working.But I would leave the ingredients and instructions how to put them together as something edible.They all(2 DD,1 DS) run lovely homes and are excellent cooks.
DS used to leave wet towels on the floor of his bedroom till the day I put them in his bed !!
Dirty dishes in rooms were cured when they had their food served on plastic plates with baby cutlery-well that was all that was left in the cupboard.

mrss

Teacher2

I grew up with feminism and the sort of grinding lack of money which forced me to be independent and to throw myself into both job and house. Luckily I married a man as OCD about tidiness as myself and he more than pulls his weight with housework. Somtimes we even fight about who does which job as we both want to!

I am shocked, then, at my daughter's strange attitudes. She was discouraged from doing housework and part time work as we said we wanted her concentrating on school and doing her homework and she worked as hard at academia as we did at everything else. She also considers herself a feminist and is strident in her defence of women's rights.

She lives with her boyfriend and they share the housework though he baulked at paying for a cleaner when their jobs became time consuming and exhausting. She (they) are thinking of marriage possibly in the future.

What amazes me is that my feminist daughter wants a big, white, celeb-style wedding with all the frills and furbelows. Despite the fact that they have pressing demands on their money (mortgage, new car) she wants 'the big day' and is currently contemplating spending £2000 to £3000 on the dress alone even though their car is about to splutter its last.

I cannot understand why she would waste all this money on a show-off party and a dress which she will wear for five hours tops. In my mind she might as well dig a hole and throw the money into the bottom of it. I cannot see what it has to do with a lasting and equal partnership or with the prudence, autonomy and independence that a good relationship will bring to their lives and which, frankly, they already have.

Obviously, I would not mention any of this to her as she would never talk to me again - or invite me to her wedding. However, she knows me well and she realises that this is what I (and her father) think. It is her money and she works hard to earn it but if I there is a way to get less bang for your buck than a vanity wedding I do not know of it.

moneyistooshorttomention

Agree with that - ie anti "vanity weddings". Never heard that phrase before to describe it - but sounds apt.

I'm guessing that the trend for this is down to the fact people no longer have to get married (whereas my parents generation certainly had to on the one hand and Baby Boomer me expected to/but didnt have to). I guess next generation down from me doesnt even "expect to" - so, if they do, then they make a "show" of it.

But....yes....if I'd ever found Mr Right (didnt happen in my case...) then I'd have probably had a figure of £2,000 in mind for everything. £5,000 maximum (at today's figures). It's just one day after all...and then there's the rest of your life together to get on with and the house to pay for.

Bumblebear

I was heading down the road of being "do-er of all things" - admin, cars, DIY, housework, cooking, laundry etc etc. I love my PIL but if I'm honest I don't think they really prepared DH for 'real life', he had no real life skills. Only when something went wrong would he get exasperated and wonder why, and I'd have to explain it was generally through lack of attention or maintenance.


PIL are often impressed with how much I can do, but then I'm self-taught as well, my mother didn't really teach me anything, to coin an over-used expression perhaps I went to the university of life!


DH is now learning - I'm used to multi-tasking and getting everything done quickly (because it's quickly, or not at all, I'm out the house for work and volunteer work 11-12 hours a day...), so it can be frustrating watching him work slowly. But he's getting there. Tidying up is still a magical happening, the problem is that he doesn't see the untidiness to see that it needs resolving - that could take a while to remedy!

monnagran

Bumblebear: An idea re: tidying is one I have had some success with.
A lightning dash round the house throwing everything out of place into a box. Then a gentle request that your OH should go around putting it all back in the right place while you get on with the dinner or whatever. I've done that with children's toys and they soon twig that its easier and quicker to put things away properly when you have finished with them than to spend 20 minutes doing it all at once.

Teacher2: Does she know that you can hire a wedding dress much more expensive than you could afford to buy, for a mere fraction of the price.
Also try to get her to understand that if she goes down the big splashy celeb route no one will remember it because it will be like every other wedding they have ever been to. The trick is to be totally different. The only wedding that stands out for me in a long lifetime of attending dozens of them is one where they had no money at all. The bride wore a beautiful summer dress, as did the bridesmaid. The flowers came from their garden. The reception was a cream tea, also taking place in the garden. They were blessed with a warm sunny day and all I remember is how much in love the couple were, how all their family and friends rallied round and how happy and unstressed everyone was. This wedding was in 1982 and some friends and I were talking about it just this last Christmas.
This is a marriage, not just a wedding.

On the other hand if your daughter is determined to follow the crowd and they are paying for it themselves then, I guess, you will smile and wish them well. Whatever happens afterwards will be their problems to fix and all you can do is listen sympathetically.
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