Attitudes in young people

spirit

It's not just in the home where these outdated attitudes may cause problems for the young (men or women)


When the OP's young men go out into the workplace and expect to have their tea and coffee made for them for example.

THIRZAH

And the young men grow into older men who still expect to be waited upon.

I work in a charity shop and there's a retired man working there who never clears up after himself. He leaves his used coffee cup under the counter and as far as I can tell doesn't has never taken rubbish out to the bin.He totally ignores the notices asking people to keep the place tidy and when I brought the subject up in a general way at a meeting sat there and rolled his eyes.

Tiddlywinks

Pollycat wrote: »

Hmmm. :think:

So what happened to fuddle's post directing me to my 'high horse'?

I decided it didn't warrant a response.

... and yet it warranted another post drawing attention to it :beer:.

Ironic, no?

maman

Like you OP I'd be very disappointed in someone who chose to live like the person you describe. It's her choice, of course, but not one I can understand or empathise with.


Since 1944, women have increasingly had the same opportunities as men in education, although I know all isn't perfect yet. The very idea that someone would want to take on all the routine domestic tasks and let the men do s*d all in the home amazes me but I know it exists. I think it's all about feeling needed which is rather sad and a waste of education.


I'm fortunate in that my MIL was ahead of her time. She had 11 children and the eldest 4 are boys (including my DH) so they all had to help at home. DH and I automatically fell into a routine of sharing all the domestic chores. It wouldn't have occurred to me to do all of them unless I was living alone. I suppose it is different if you choose to stay at home all day but that wouldn't have suited me either.

CloughiesBrewerArmy

I think i've dated the daughters from similar mothers.

They have all been lazy and clueless with life skills.

I guess I was fortunate (?) that from a young age I didn't have parents, so I had to quickly grow up, and i'm now fiercely independent and do everything for myself - I hate people doing things for me.

I couldn't get girlfriends to do anything around the home, including contribute to bills - I must attract that kind of girl and I must be a soft touch, because no matter how hard I try to get some assistance, I just cave in and do it.

So, this lady really needs to start delegating jobs to her husband and sons, but it may be too late as any change now will come with stiff resistance.

Pollycat

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

... and yet it warranted another post drawing attention to it :beer:.

Ironic, no?

If you say so.
And if you think it appropriate to keep this going....as fuddle & I obviously didn't.
But fill your boots, Tiddlywinks. :T

VfM4meplse

CloughiesBrewerArmy wrote: »

I think i've dated the daughters from similar mothers.

They have all been lazy and clueless with life skills.

I guess I was fortunate (?) that from a young age I didn't have parents, so I had to quickly grow up, and i'm now fiercely independent and do everything for myself - I hate people doing things for me.

I couldn't get girlfriends to do anything around the home, including contribute to bills - I must attract that kind of girl and I must be a soft touch, because no matter how hard I try to get some assistance, I just cave in and do it.

I think this is very sad - and yes, you mus be attracting a specific type, as this behaviour is very far from normal. Or perhaps because you hate people doing things for you?

CloughiesBrewerArmy

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I think this is very sad - and yes, you mus be attracting a specific type, as this behaviour is very far from normal. Or perhaps because you hate people doing things for you?

I need help in the home due to health reasons, although I live alone now so muddle through.

I'd have liked people that have lived with me to have contributed, but they rarely have.

Excuses for non bill paying included, I earnt more than them, I was older than them and they went to work to earn themselves some extra money, although only one of the four actually worked.

I'm often told i'm a soft touch and it doesn't help that a couple of them were really manipulative, but when you're like me with my health issues, someone accepting you is a wonderful and rare thing. Only they didn't want me, just the money (of which I have little anyway!)

I'm on my own now - I don't think i'll let this happen again as I won't trust anyone again, which is sad as i'm only 40.

I met the parents of all of them and the difference between them and the lady in the first post was not that the mothers did all the work, it was that they either both parents were very lazy and had no life skills, or one was very controlling and the kids were not allowed to do anything when growing up, so it didn't help them in adult life.

When I did stand up....they left

Enough of my woes though, I just hope no-one else has White Knight Syndrome as they will get trampled. Relationships have to be equal although having been there, I understand the need to be wanted and the need to look after.

Lynplatinum

Hiya

Different views on here have had me swinging opinion from one side to the other!! We can only speculate on why the OP's friend behaves in this manner - women have (legally) had equal rights for years but it is up to us with the support of our male colleagues, friends and partners to grab them!!!

The lady may not want to be in the position of wanting to be a 'maid of all work' but feel that she has to be or nothing would get done at all! She may have spent years nagging for help and has now given up!

The lady may revel in her role and desperately need to feel important and indispensable - due to either upbringing or some mental issue from which she is running.

The lady may be keeping so busy that she has no time to notice how desperately unhappy she is (probably the saddest version of events - but dont folks who shop all the time/drink alchol/smoke/overeat (mea culpa in the past - currently changing my life - thanks to MSE) suffer from this???)

But also maybe the lady has impossibly high standards and her family have got fed up of always getting it wrong and so have ceased trying???

I was going to say proudly that I have bought up my boys to be able to look after themselves (i.e. cook, clean be financially responsible etc) but it seems, being too good at this may not be such a good idea as, like CloughiesBrewerArmy, they have ended up with living together GFs who are useless financially and rather dirty by my standards (I hoover, dust, clean once a week - more if its got really dirty - sinks and loos done daily) - one son has left GF but they are still in a relationship but he can no longer stand living in the smell of cat sh*t and the dust was setting off his asthma :eek: - whereas DS1 has a GF but also a baby daughter (11months - happy accident) with her and, having only lived together for 2 years is already fed up with asking her to clean up and tidy up he does it on his days off mostly but folks who knew him before her are shocked at the state of his house now, compared to the 6 years he lived on his own (my house isnt tidy - I had 2 teenagers; a large dog; lots of paperwork and worked full time -it couldn't be! )

read CloughiesBrewerArmy post (with sadness but hope for what seems to be a nice guy) I question - have I done the right thing???

CloughiesBrewerArmy

Lynplatinum wrote: »

I question - have I done the right thing???

Right thing?

I think if you're brought up your sons to respect their living areas, themselves and their health, you can't do much more - it sounds like their partners have the issues, which as you stated, could be anything including mental health as well as poor influences/role models.