Attitudes in young people

Siebrie

Maybe she doesn't really want her sons to leave the house? Kind of the same as these men that 'spoil' their wife with food until she cannot move anymore....

Litchielou

Funny story
We married over 37 years ago, the next morning as we were getting ready to go on our honeymoon DH came downstairs and said I'm ready for you, ooh I thought I must look sexy, no he said I'm ready for you to wash my hair. His mother (lovely lady) had never let him wash his hair in case he made a mess. We had been going out for a couple of years and I didn't know he had never even ran his own bath never mind wash hair.
She made his bed, put his clothes out every day and handed out his pocket money each day. He didn't know how to cook, wash and dry dishes, dust or hoover.
Our son can do anything around the house.

Today he can dust and hoover better than me. He cleans brilliantly and yes he gets his own clothes out and he can sort the money out.
OK he's not very good at cooking. But can use the washer but not iron.And I have a lovely garden.

thorsoak

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

I'm a 25 year old woman. Having done the teaching uni housemates thing already, I'd not consider dating or living with people until they'd learnt these essential life skills. She's actively preventing them from doing so.

Exactly - she is ensuring that they never leave her! She probably considers that she is the best mother that there ever was - but in truth, she is the worst type of mother that any male child could have.

Shropshirelass

The discussion reminds me of the thirty-something man admitted to a surgical ward years ago the evening before he was listed for a minor op. When offered a cup of tea he didn't know how much sugar he took, as mum always put it in (and stirred it).

katkin

Wow I'm shocked by how this woman controls her family. I wonder if she has as much control as she thinks, or if the sons and husband look upon her sadly like Ria in the uk sitcom Butterflies. She may work full time but how does she manage to find the time to do anything for her own personal development and interests away from all that housework, cooking etc. She sounds like she may have a few "issues".

I wonder if her sons and husband respect her or treat he like an unpaid servant...a slave. Anyone's guess.

It is fair enough if she and her husband have agreed the division of labour, maybe he earns more and pays most of the bills and it's her way of making that up by working more at home.

The mind boggles and I have to agree with most here, she is doing no favours to her children not teaching them life skills.

I raised 2 sons on my own and we all had our home jobs. From a young age they participated in tasks and shared the housework with me. They may have moaned a bit st the time but they both have learned to live independently perfectly successfully on their own. Now one has a live in partner and they share all the home tasks together.

They can cook, shop cannily, budget, save, clean, mend and repair basics. They've both adopted an Old Syle lifestyle in their own way.

She must know the world isn't like that anymore, that equality and women's rights are prevalent today.

I'd be curious to ask her if she is really happy with this choice and what else would she like to do with her life when the boys leave home. What is she missing in her life...

moneyistooshorttomention

Shropshirelass wrote: »

The discussion reminds me of the thirty-something man admitted to a surgical ward years ago the evening before he was listed for a minor op. When offered a cup of tea he didn't know how much sugar he took, as mum always put it in (and stirred it).

I bet that made waitresses in cafes boggle whenever he ordered a drink - as he asked them to put his sugar in for them:rotfl:

In their position then I'd have done so - but struggled to keep a straight face.

downshifter

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the responses on here, voices of sanity! Her youngest might move out soon to resi college but doubt the oldest will ever move (and she will be happy if he doesn't). He has his bread buttered on all sides at the moment!

Thanks again for your views and such interesting stories. DS

fuddle

I'll stick my hand up here and completely disagree with the judgements passed on the thread.

I am queen of my castle. DH works 12 hour days. He comes in to a household that is managed very well and sits and relaxes. I wouldn't have that any other way.

I gave up working to fulfil this the role and I do it very well. It is my choice to care for my family. My family can care for themselves should I choose to go back to work and have done in the past.

my husband is more than capable of household chores and is indeed a better cook than I. My children have been brought up to help out and were changing their own duvet covers at 6 years old.

I have been hospitalised 3 times over the past 6 months and my household, although not to my standard, has ticked along quite well.

Please don't judge.

suki1964

My husband is oldstyle now. Took a while for me to get him there, but he's proved he now is a fully paid up member of oldstyle the other week by going to the recycling centre with the hens dirty shavings, and came back with a boot full of wood floor samples, which he turned into a bar in the garage


He works full time, I work as and when. I do the washing, ironing, cooking and most of the cleaning

He helps with peeling the veg at weekends and washing up around me when I'm doing a batch cook/bake session. He does all the outside work and all the DIY and car maintenance. I might wash the cars, I do clean the hens out,do some weeding, mow the lawns, but for the main he does the rest

I can change a plug and a lightbulb and I'm a dab hand at flat pack. Change a washer? Not a mission.

I suppose we do have 'traditional roles' , but we are happy with that.

I admit quite freely that I'm carp at those jobs I don't do. When DH worked away from home it didn't cost me a thought to call on a neighbour to help me if I needed it, yep I've asked a neighbour to jump start my car, change a tyre, rod a blocked drain, climb into the roof space ( I'm feared of heights) I suppose I should berate my alcoholic waste of space of a father for not teaching me these things

Mother certainly never taught me how to keep house either. I learned out of necessity. I'm still learning at my ripe old age as well

If I were to drop down dead tomorrow my DH would survive. So his meals might be ping ping, he won't iron sheets but he would survive. Same as GQ,s dad, he would eventually learn the skills required to make his life better.

Why is the mum the one in the wrong in the OP?

freyasmum

I think, Fuddle, you have misunderstood certainly my post at least.

We are not judging or putting women down at all, and if you choose to be a homemaker and do everything for your family, then that is entirely your choice. You said yourself that your husband and children are more than capable of looking after both themselves and the house if you are unable to - and that's what the crux, for me, is; you have given your children the skills to be able to take care of themselves when they should have to. Many of the women above haven't.

Now, we don't know the reasons for this in every case. However, there definitely does seem to be a great deal of wanting to keep her sons as babies in the first example. And that's simply not fair - not on them, and not on any prospective future wife.

The woman in the first example works full time and then comes home to do absolutely everything. Now, if that's her choice, then so be it. It wouldn't be mine but she's obviously entitled to do as she pleases. However, my issue comes from the fact that she doesn't appear to have taught her sons any valueless life skills - that, to me, is a huge failing. Especially if she's doing it to try to keep them at home