Attitudes in young people

Mojisola

bargainbetty wrote: »

If you choose to live in this way, that's your choice. However, any parent who fails to properly prepare their children for the real world is failing them. Teaching a child of either gender that someone else will cook and clean and 'do' for you is just irresponsible.

There are parents who don't teach either gender how to manage a household.

One of my son's first girlfriends wasn't allowed to even help out in the kitchen at home - her mother made everyone go in the other room while she cooked and cleaned up. She was so pleased to be given the chance to cook when she stayed with us.

fuddle

It is possible to take responsibility for ourselves as we grow up.

I wasn't shown a thing by my mother as a teenager. DH lived with his dad in his teens after his Mam and Dad divorced, most of that was 2 males living in a static caravan and not so clued up.

We didn't really have role models and I know I certainly didn't have to live up to expectations as my own mother didn't have any.

But as adults we kind of just knew what we should do. I was a parent at 24 and by that time I had it sussed enough to make a damn good working mam and DH a hands on dad too.

Now though, as a housewife and DH in as secure as possible salaried work, we have what you could call traditional roles and are happy ticking along.

We, both DH and I, lead by example and give our girls what we didn't have but it is possible that people can thrive as fully functional adults without parental support in the formative years.

Spendless

Lynplatinum wrote: »

Hiya

Different views on here have had me swinging opinion from one side to the other!! We can only speculate on why the OP's friend behaves in this manner - women have (legally) had equal rights for years but it is up to us with the support of our male colleagues, friends and partners to grab them!!!

The lady may not want to be in the position of wanting to be a 'maid of all work' but feel that she has to be or nothing would get done at all! She may have spent years nagging for help and has now given up!

I wondered exactly the same thing when reading through.

I have a teenage son and daughter and though neither is keen on chores, you can get the girl to do them more willingly. It's my son who complains for longer and harder and that's always been the way since little. Maybe the Mum in question has been 'ground down' by this sort of attitude, coming in 3 directions.

I currently have a 'battle' going on with my household, over the washing up, which is constantly being left dirty on the kitchen worktops and the huge majority of the time I'm the only one washing up. This week I have gone on strike over it. I left a note, saying how unhappy I was with this behaviour and asking them to clear up their mess (passive aggressive I know, but I have tried verbally saying in the past and got nowhere). A couple of times my husband has washed up (he is perfectly capable of doing it and has many times in the past, but I don't think he genuinely 'sees' how frequently it's me washing up) but so far the teenagers haven't, especially DS who makes most mess.

As an example, DD was out of the house between 10.30-7pm yesterday at rehearsals. I took her there and back (my choice)and stayed to help out at her drama school. On my return I went on a night out coming back at midnight. In between me returning home and going back out, DS had eaten and left everything out. I mentioned it, but this morning it's still there. However I am determined that I am not doing it, as I'm not prepared to clean up a mess that occurred when I wasn't in. And so the dirty dishes and pans that cooked a curry remain in our kitchen and dining table. I am the only person awake at the min, but will be stating that I am not washing this mess up, when everyone else gets up.

I know many women who wouldn't be able to do this because they like everything 'spick and span' and a battle of wits from reluctant household members takes a lot out of you emotionally as well as being time consuming whilst you get spouse/offspring to comply.

Personally I think the lady's mistake was having her Mum come over when ill to help with the chores. The males should have been left to it. They'd have learnt how to do it, if nothing else. Long term relying on her Mum to step in isn't a good idea anyway, as her Mum could suffer ill health (my parents have recently had severe health issues within 3 weeks of each other and they were working up till the point they became ill) or could die.

moneyistooshorttomention

I must admit I would be questioning my son as to why he complained more than my daughter about doing housework. I'd be very interested to know just why he thought having one set of anatomy (rather than another) entitled him to a "Get out of jail free" card on that:rotfl:

One possibility is something I had to do with a lodger one time (ie years back - when I had to take in lodgers) and I pretty much only had one housework rule and that boiled down to "Leave everything as you find it" (ie leave the kitchen and bathroom looking the same after you've used them as before). This particular lodger went out one day and left the kitchen piled high with their dirty dishes. I put them all on a tray and left it in their room:D. Out of my way and in their way:D. They didnt come home again for hours - but, when they did, they had to do those dishes straight away because of that. I'd do the same with your son - ie left on a tray sitting on top of his bed.

Another thing I had to do - with a different lodger - was re the bathroom. There was a bath in there. Now I cleaned the bath immediately after each time I had used it - so it was clean for the lodger to have their bath afterwards. I tried and tried to get this particular lodger to do the same for me and they simply wouldnt. I dealt with that by still cleaning that bath every single time I used it - but it was before my bath, rather than after. That way - I had done my fair share of cleaning (ie once per bath I had) and the bath was clean for me. The fact it was then left dirty for her was down to her and it was her choice whether to clean it before her bath.

Spendless

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I must admit I would be questioning my son as to why he complained more than my daughter about doing housework. I'd be very interested to know just why he thought having one set of anatomy (rather than another) entitled him to a "Get out of jail free" card on that:rotfl:.

Because they are different people with different personalities, likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses. My daughter might be more compliant when asked to do chores, but it's my son who is more capable of doing anything practical. If either was lost in a forest/jungle I'd rate my sons chance of survival higher than my daughters. It causes more issues because household chores need doing on a daily basis, if having to found your way home from a jungle occurred daily, my daughter would object more. Son objects more strongly because he dislikes doing tasks more rather than objecting on the grounds that 'he's a boy'

I'll be trying the tray on the bed tip though- thanks.

Mojisola

fuddle wrote: »

It is possible to take responsibility for ourselves as we grow up.

I wasn't shown a thing by my mother as a teenager. DH lived with his dad in his teens after his Mam and Dad divorced, most of that was 2 males living in a static caravan and not so clued up.

We didn't really have role models and I know I certainly didn't have to live up to expectations as my own mother didn't have any.

I think there's a difference in attitude between people who just didn't have good role models and those who were actively taught that they shouldn't have to do household tasks.

It's much harder for the latter to shift their thinking - some manage to do the necessary stuff while they are single but quickly revert when there is a female around because being looked after by a woman is their default position.

karcher

Spendless wrote: »

I'll be trying the tray on the bed tip though- thanks.

Please let us know the outcome.

honeythewitch

When I was growing up I did far less to help around the house than my friends, because my mother said there was "plenty of time for that later".
We did all take turns cooking though, and were responsible for our own washing as soon as we could use the machine.
The emphasis was on us taking care of ourselves and not making work for others, rather than set duties.
When I left home it was a bit of a shock to find out how much work running a household involves, but you learn very fast if there is nobody else to do it for you, and I am grateful that I was not overburdened with it as a child.

LameWolf

Just thinking back - I don't remember my father ever so much as picking up a tea cloth; my mother and I did absolutely everything; and I was expected to assist as soon as I was big enough to do tasks without breaking anything.
One of the most unpleasant tasks I had to do was cleaning my father's shoes - which I was expected to do as soon as he'd come in from work and changed into his slippers - and he had stinky feet._pale_ To this day I loathe cleaning shoes!
I never learned cooking from my mother though - I'm afraid her cooking "skills" were such that she could burn water! :eek:

maman

honeythewitch wrote: »

When I was growing up I did far less to help around the house than my friends, because my mother said there was "plenty of time for that later".
We did all take turns cooking though, and were responsible for our own washing as soon as we could use the machine.
The emphasis was on us taking care of ourselves and not making work for others, rather than set duties.
When I left home it was a bit of a shock to find out how much work running a household involves, but you learn very fast if there is nobody else to do it for you, and I am grateful that I was not overburdened with it as a child.

My mother was 'old school' in that she did everything for us all but she'd hadn't done paid work outside the home since she had me at the age of 24. She saw it as her role but also had plenty of time for socialising with friends and charity work so it was hardly a life of drudgery!


But that was a different generation. I didn't learn to cook at home but I'd done chemistry at college so following a recipe was an easy step on (or do I mean back?) from that. I'd been in the Brownies and the Guides so had all the rudiments of cleaning and ironing and I could turn out a meal for 2 dozen on a campfire so keeping house was a doddle.


This is like so many threads on here. You get an insight into how other people live but don't have to agree. I like a nice home and eat well but my career choice has been part of who I am. I doubt I'd have had the same fulfilment from keeping house full time but I'm not knocking someone who is satisfied with that.