Attitudes in young people

DigForVictory

Since I had the fortune to have three sons, I've taught them what my parents taught me: to read, grill fish fingers, operate a can opener, dig a veg plot, change a wheel, make a champagne cocktail, knit a scarf etc
My husband has taught them to make an Anglo Saxon tunic with period authentic hand stitching, iron their school uniform, operate the washing machine & tumble drier, peg clothing out securely (still working on the and-keep-a-weather-eye-open!), pitch a tent, light a fire using several techniques, render tallow, make rushlights, play pool etc.

We both acknowledge they are not quite ready for the real world, but they're certainly ready to deal with the unexpected, which is probably as good a start as we could hope. Future partners, flatmates, colleagues etc will also have an input into their skillsets but the fundamentals are clear, you don't expect either gender just to do X.

bargainbetty

If you choose to live in this way, that's your choice. However, any parent who fails to properly prepare their children for the real world is failing them. Teaching a child of either gender that someone else will cook and clean and 'do' for you is just irresponsible.

An ex of mine invited me over for dinner at his place. I arrived to be introduced to his mum, who was there to cook the dinner for us. When I asked him if he wouldn't have preferred a private evening alone, he said that we'd have to get a takeaway next time because he could barely fry an egg without messing it up. His mum asked me if I enjoyed cooking because' her boy had a healthy appetite'. I gave him a chance to help me prepare the next meal at my house so he could demonstrate that he could actually take care of himself. He said that he was more comfortable not cooking. I told him that he would be on dish duty then, and he looked genuinely aghast that I expected him to wash up. When he suggested that I make him a cup of tea because he didn't know where the mugs where, I took him to the kitchen and showed him. Then sat back down with a glass of wine.

An EX. Very quickly, if I'm honest.

Pollycat

Hmmm. :think:

So what happened to fuddle's post directing me to my 'high horse'?

I decided it didn't warrant a response.

fuddle

Give over pollycat. I deleted it because I didn't fancy playing your game.

The post above is just as childish as my response to you taking the time to use bold and a red typeface to show me the error of my opinion.

'nuff said. No need.

suki1964

I just wish someone will take the 'oldstyle ' out of the op as its not oldstyle being discussed, rather old fashioned views

Just because she's out at work and then coming home to do all the chores doesn't mean she's scratch cooking, making laundry goop, knitting her own socks, making all their clothes and all the other stuff associated with being oldstyle

Pollycat

fuddle wrote: »

Give over pollycat. I deleted it because I didn't fancy playing your game.

The post above is just as childish as my response to you taking the time to use bold and a red typeface to show me the error of my opinion.

'nuff said. No need.

I wasn't playing any game.

I was responding to various points your made in your posts in comparison to what the OP actually posted.

I generally use bold to highlight the part of the post I'm replying to.
I'm sure any poster who regularly reads my post will agree with that.
In fact, surprise! surprise! That's exactly what I did in my post # 11.

I used red type to highlight the 2 words in your post and the one word in the original post that stood out to me as being very different.

That's not 'showing you the error of your opinion'. Nobody can do that.
Your opinion is just that - yours.

It was showing you in what way I disagreed with your opinion.
In fact, you could say, it was me stating my opinion.

fuddle

Thank you Pollycat. You've continually shown how wrong I am. There's nothing left for me to say without being pedantic so I'll now bow out.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I'm reminded of an old Goodness Gracious Me sketch in which two fierce Indian ladies are arguing over which of their sons is the most helpless and dependent on them; culminating in one yelling proudly something like "mine still can't go to the toilet without me to help him!"

A friend of mine wasted some years of her life on a clever, successful good looking guy who it turned out was essentially helpless due to being the only child of a domineering mother. He ate out every night as he couldn't cook anything. Every two weeks he took his washing home for her to deal with. He wouldn't book a holiday with my friend without checking with Mummy first. He is in his 40s and his chances of ever happily settling down are practically zero; how awful to blight your offspring's chances like this.

LameWolf

downshifter wrote: »

If she's ill, her mother would move in - it happened a couple of years ago. The lads were floundering but nobody seemed to think they should do anything.

But at some point her mum will get to a point where she's too old/frail to step in and run the household, or, sadly, she may not be there to do it at all. WHat happens then if the Lady of the House is incapacitated?

bouicca21 wrote: »

This thread rather reinforces my view that women's rights are also men's rights. Men have a right to be involved in domestic tasks including childcare, to choose what they wish to contribute to the household - in discussion and negotiation with their partners (male or female) of course.

Deliberately infantilising your husband and children is a power play. It's just as bad as a power play the other way - where a husband infantilises the wife by treating her as the little woman with an empty space for a brain. But in many ways 'queen of the hearth' is actually a much more clever and successful power play.

I have to agree, bouicca.

Thankfully, my DH came fully equipped with the knowledge of how to cook and clean, having lived alone for 12 years; I am especially grateful now that my health is gradually deteriorating and I simply cannot do it all myself. His parents carefully taught him, and his sisters, cooking, sewing, gardening, basic household maintenance, managing money - all the skills they'd need to manage independently.

We both have our own "areas of expertise" and we both have tasks we detest doing, but we share the chores as evenly as possible, in the knowledge that even the horrible tasks need to be done. Hey, it works for us.

firebubble

Anyone who has children who does not bring them up with the attitude that if they are part of a household (whether you're married, flatmates, etc), you're a team, and that everyone needs to be able to pull their weight is doing them a disservice.

Bringing up boys to do nothing is as hopelessly old fashioned as expecting them to earn enough to support an entire family on one salary...those days are gone!