14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

my-user-name

spirit wrote: »

I'm the same age as you MUN and so my SPA is also 66. I'm kinda hoping that my employers might offer me either early retirement or redundancy long before then.

I worked somewhere for about 7 years in the late 70s early 80s and had a pension with them. Because I'd moved a few times since then, I'd forgotten all about it. Then I contacted them recently with my new address. So, I will be getting a nice lump sum from that at the end of this month. That'll go in the savings pot for now.

Hey that's brilliant news spirit!! every little bit helps dosent it
A kind forum member sent me a link regarding my Classic and Classic Plus scheme,looking through it I think I'm going to be ok,yes the figures are not what the bloke said but I still think I,ll be ok.
Have a little bit of fun with your lump sum spirit and save the rest.x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Look on the bright side, he was cold, callous and calculating, but he wasn't one of my exes.

I mentioned in passing that my new job gave me £200,000 Accidental Death in Service benefit from the first day I started there.

After he traded me in for a newer model, I got somebody in to fix a light switch he'd fitted 'for me' because it was buzzing and he'd always said there was nothing wrong with it, he was deemed A Competent Person for the installation of electrical items (he trained and assessed electricals ervice engineers for his job).

Turned out that the live wire was carefully stripped of its protective coating and was laying just 2mm short of the metal housing of the switch, completely loose. As was the immersion heater's and every socket he'd replaced that I used regularly. The only one that was done properly was the one where he plugged in his phone charger.


It could be a coincidence...but the electrician went white and insisted on doing every socket and switch in the place for me and refused to charge a penny for doing it.

my-user-name

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Look on the bright side, he was cold, callous and calculating, but he wasn't one of my exes.

I mentioned in passing that my new job gave me £200,000 Accidental Death in Service benefit from the first day I started there.

After he traded me in for a newer model, I got somebody in to fix a light switch he'd fitted 'for me' because it was buzzing and he'd always said there was nothing wrong with it, he was deemed A Competent Person for the installation of electrical items (he trained and assessed electricals ervice engineers for his job).

Turned out that the live wire was carefully stripped of its protective coating and was laying just 2mm short of the metal housing of the switch, completely loose. As was the immersion heater's and every socket he'd replaced that I used regularly. The only one that was done properly was the one where he plugged in his phone charger.


It could be a coincidence...but the electrician went white and insisted on doing every socket and switch in the place for me and refused to charge a penny for doing it.

That is some really scary stuff Jojo:eek:
Although it would be hard to prove that he did this on purpose I think you've had one hell of a lucky escape away from this man but God bless the electrician for sorting you out.
(I would of slept with a knife under my pillow):(
It must of been a frightening experience but these things do happen in peoples lives and all for the sake of getting their hands on your money.
I was lucky really lol (I will be checking my electrics though):(

VintageHistorian

MUN, I didn't want to read and run. Your ex sounds like a right man-child - needs to be taken care of but God forbid they should be required to do the same thing in the future. What a useless lump of organs.

The good thing that you can take away with you though, is how rattled he was when he saw that you'd redecorated! I really doubt he was expecting that, because he is an extremely selfish individual, and such people need to be needed. He's spent weeks assuring himself that you can't cope with him. Not because he wants you back, but because he needs to feel wanted. Instead you showed him in the clearest possible manner that not only do you not need or want him, you can positively thrive without him! What a bucket of cold water to pour over his head! I bet he's sitting in his undecorated new place right now, staring around going "How did she manage it?"

Now is the time to build on what you've started! As Annandale said, £10 a month in to a private pension will make you feel a bit more secure in 10 years when you're due a payout (my Dad is constantly telling me he wishes he'd sorted out a private pension sooner rather than later). If you ask on the Pensions board again I'm sure you'll get a couple of recommendations on who to set it up with and the best way to manage it.

Then when you feel up to it, you can check out the Debt-free Wannabe Challenges board. You don't need to be a DFW to join in, you can use some of the challenges to help improve your income and maybe tuck the extra in to savings. I particularly like Remember you're a womble and Earn £10 a day in "month" threads. Everyone on them is super lovely and really supportive, and you don't have to try and earn £10 a day, I tend to sign up for an extra £1 or £2 a day (which I use to overpay my mortgage). The womble one is great as it encourages you to keep an eye out for freebies, or dropped money, or special deals that help you save a few pennies. It's lovely to count it all up at the end of the year and see what you've managed to save or gain over 12 months.

It can be a bit hard to get started and build up some momentum, but as you're planning on cutting back a bit then the threads above may mean you don't have to cut back as much as you think. Then in a few years you can look at retirement without that useless lump of bloke hanging around, and think "Yes, I can support myself quite nicely on this" :beer:

my-user-name

VintageHistorian wrote: »

MUN, I didn't want to read and run. Your ex sounds like a right man-child - needs to be taken care of but God forbid they should be required to do the same thing in the future. What a useless lump of organs.

The good thing that you can take away with you though, is how rattled he was when he saw that you'd redecorated! I really doubt he was expecting that, because he is an extremely selfish individual, and such people need to be needed. He's spent weeks assuring himself that you can't cope with him. Not because he wants you back, but because he needs to feel wanted. Instead you showed him in the clearest possible manner that not only do you not need or want him, you can positively thrive without him! What a bucket of cold water to pour over his head! I bet he's sitting in his undecorated new place right now, staring around going "How did she manage it?"

Now is the time to build on what you've started! As Annandale said, £10 a month in to a private pension will make you feel a bit more secure in 10 years when you're due a payout (my Dad is constantly telling me he wishes he'd sorted out a private pension sooner rather than later). If you ask on the Pensions board again I'm sure you'll get a couple of recommendations on who to set it up with and the best way to manage it.

Then when you feel up to it, you can check out the Debt-free Wannabe Challenges board. You don't need to be a DFW to join in, you can use some of the challenges to help improve your income and maybe tuck the extra in to savings. I particularly like Remember you're a womble and Earn £10 a day in "month" threads. Everyone on them is super lovely and really supportive, and you don't have to try and earn £10 a day, I tend to sign up for an extra £1 or £2 a day (which I use to overpay my mortgage). The womble one is great as it encourages you to keep an eye out for freebies, or dropped money, or special deals that help you save a few pennies. It's lovely to count it all up at the end of the year and see what you've managed to save or gain over 12 months.

It can be a bit hard to get started and build up some momentum, but as you're planning on cutting back a bit then the threads above may mean you don't have to cut back as much as you think. Then in a few years you can look at retirement without that useless lump of bloke hanging around, and think "Yes, I can support myself quite nicely on this" :beer:

Bless you Vintage for adding the links to your post,without doubt I will take a good look at them and see how I can help myself financially as I'm heading towards my old age(oh I loathe those two words ) I don't feel 59 nowhere near 59 but I cant alter the fact I am and it sucks

Your right about him,yes I'm actually thriving without him and my tears have dried up completely............however I was talking to a neighbour today while litter picking,yes litter picking on a Sunday morning,what a waste of a morning lol but my neighbour said she had seen my ex the other day and was shocked on how much weight he has lost.I just shrugged my shoulders but it was only later I thought to myself" is it because he,s just not eating or cooking food for himself or could be be ill?" Stupid things like this still come into my head,yes when I did see him I too was shocked at the amount of weight he has lost(and hes not a big man anyway) although I never said anything about it to him.
How bad would I feel if Ive got all this wrong and hes actually very ill and this cruelty with his words that's he,s said could be his way of pushing me away so that I wouldn't be as devasted if anything happens to him. Its just a silly thought(but one which keeps rearing its ugly head in my thoughts)

Pollycat

my-user-name wrote: »

Bless you Vintage for adding the links to your post,without doubt I will take a good look at them and see how I can help myself financially as I'm heading towards my old age(oh I loathe those two words ) I don't feel 59 nowhere near 59 but I cant alter the fact I am and it sucks

Your right about him,yes I'm actually thriving without him and my tears have dried up completely............however I was talking to a neighbour today while litter picking,yes litter picking on a Sunday morning,what a waste of a morning lol but my neighbour said she had saw my ex the other day and was shocked on how much weight he has lost.I just shrugged my shoulders but it was only later I thought to myself" is it because he,s just not eating or cooking food for himself or could be be ill?" Stupid things like this still come into my head,yes when I did see him I too was shocked at the amount of weight he has lost(and hes not a big man anyway) although I never said anything about it to him.
How bad would I feel if Ive got all this wrong and hes actually very ill and this cruelty with his words that's he,s said could be his way of pushing me away so that I wouldn't be as devasted if anything happens to him. Its just a silly thought(but one which keeps rearing its ugly head in my mind)

Now stop that right now!
He's treated you appallingly over 14 years.
An undisclosed illness is not an excuse for that.

Glad you've got some replies over on the Pensions board.

my-user-name

Pollycat wrote: »

Now stop that right now!
He's treated you appallingly over 14 years.
An undisclosed illness is not an excuse for that.

Glad you've got some replies over on the Pensions board.

Its not on my mind constantly Pollycat,honestly its not.It just rears its ugly head in my thoughts from time to time and yes your so right,14 years cant be a serious illness can it.its me just being stupid I guess.
But if its a certain diet hes on then its a very good one,very very good one for sure

As for the replies on the Pensions forum board,yes I'm beginning to understand it a little bit more now,thanks so much for advising me to pop over there!

VintageHistorian

It's the diet of "boo hoo I don't have anyone to cook for me anymore", after 14 years of having a partner he's completely forgotten the amount of time and energy that actually goes in to a nice homecooked meal. Much easier to just eat a sandwich or heat up some soup, and go to bed.

Worrying about him is natural. Over a decade together is a long time, and you're in the habit of feeling concerned about him. Nothing to be ashamed of, you wouldn't be human if you didn't worry about him this early on in the break up. All you can do is shrug it off and focus on something else

Also you're very welcome with the links!

my-user-name

VintageHistorian wrote: »

It's the diet of "boo hoo I don't have anyone to cook for me anymore", after 14 years of having a partner he's completely forgotten the amount of time and energy that actually goes in to a nice homecooked meal. Much easier to just eat a sandwich or heat up some soup, and go to bed.

Worrying about him is natural. Over a decade together is a long time, and you're in the habit of feeling concerned about him. Nothing to be ashamed of, you wouldn't be human if you didn't worry about him this early on in the break up. All you can do is shrug it off and focus on something else

Also you're very welcome with the links!

Your right Vintage,it is a long time and yes I'm just a tad concerned.............but it definatly dosent mean I want him back or will ever get back with him that's a certaintly nomatter how well or poorely he may be.
I need a good slapping

spirit

my-user-name wrote: »

Bless you Vintage for adding the links to your post,without doubt I will take a good look at them and see how I can help myself financially as I'm heading towards my old age(oh I loathe those two words ) I don't feel 59 nowhere near 59 but I cant alter the fact I am and it sucks

Your right about him,yes I'm actually thriving without him and my tears have dried up completely............however I was talking to a neighbour today while litter picking,yes litter picking on a Sunday morning,what a waste of a morning lol but my neighbour said she had seen my ex the other day and was shocked on how much weight he has lost.I just shrugged my shoulders but it was only later I thought to myself" is it because he,s just not eating or cooking food for himself or could be be ill?" Stupid things like this still come into my head,yes when I did see him I too was shocked at the amount of weight he has lost(and hes not a big man anyway) although I never said anything about it to him.
How bad would I feel if Ive got all this wrong and hes actually very ill and this cruelty with his words that's he,s said could be his way of pushing me away so that I wouldn't be as devasted if anything happens to him. Its just a silly thought(but one which keeps rearing its ugly head in my thoughts)

He'a actually having to open his wallet (and the moths fly out no doubt) and pay for his own food for a change. You'd been shielding him from the reality of looking after himself for 14 years

Probably had a wake up call.