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To Divorce or not Divorce...that is the question

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  • barbiedoll
    barbiedoll Posts: 5,328 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    OP, I'm pretty sure that Guest wasn't being rude, he is a regular, and extremely knowledgeable poster on here and he simply tells it as it is.

    To be honest, I was thinking on the same lines myself, which honestly isn't meant to be insulting in any way. It's just hard to believe that at the age of 42, you think that you have absolutely nothing to lose by staying married to someone that you are no longer in a relationship with. You don't appear to have considered that you may meet someone else, you may get an unexpected inheritance (like me!) or windfall, or you may start to earn more money. Being legally and financially linked to your wife even though you have no marriage to speak of, is a disaster in the making.

    You may of course, both jog along happily alone and poor, for the rest of your lives, and your dead marriage may not have any impact at all. There is also a chance that my house may never burn down, but it doesn't stop me buying house insurance!

    For the sake of a couple of hundred quid each (can your parents lend it to you?) why take the risk? You only have to pay it once, I have to buy house insurance every year!
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
  • Putting aside the finance/possessions side of things, If you don't divorce, wouldn't your legal wife be able to make medical decisions on your behalf if you were incapacitated??
    If you are happy to let that happen then carry on as you are, but if not start saving and get the paperwork sorted.
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,236 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    OP, you mentioned that you don't have any savings and that £550 is a lot for you. Did you know that the court has a fee remission / exemption scheme? If you are on a low income then you may well be entitled to pay a reduced fee. Have a look at the court's website and thre is an excel spreadsheet you can download, put in your income and it will show you how much of the fee you'd need to pay.

    As others have said, you are married and it isn't just going to go away. I t is much simpler and easier to divorce now, while you are still in contact (and know where your wife is) and on good terms, than if you find yourself in a position of wanting a divorce maybe 10 years down the line, but which time you may have lost touch, and have to spend more money trying to track her down.

    Getting a divorce, and having a clean break order made now, when there is nothing to fight over, could save a lot of time, energy, money and stress in future.

    You aren't automatically liable for any debts your wife may build up, and if you did get divorced at a point in the future any court would take into account the length of the marriage and of the separation, but could still award her part of your assets (should you ever have any) if they felt it would be appropriate. Google "Wyatt and Vance divorce" for the ultimate cautionary tale!
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    To be fair to op guest is often unnecessarily confrontational and been known arguing for the sake of it.
    Op, are you going to be celibate to the end of your life? If yes then how you can be sure about anything on behalf of your future self? If not than what are the chances that you may develop affection to wards some of your partners and want to form a relationship? Most of humans do. If so how happy that future partner is going to be about you being married to someone else on paper? What if you god forbid lived with someone?
    Usually people who are able to reason can see it as a problem. The fact that you do not together with you spending money on a wedding in las vegas 2 years ago without having a pot to !!!! in now probably led guest to make that question.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • Just get divorced. Pay the £550. I scraped that amount together to buy heating oil this winter, its really a small price to pay to just avoid any/all of the afore mentioned hassles, and more.
    ''A moment's thinking is an hour in words.'' -Thomas Hood
  • Just get divorced. Pay the £550. I scraped that amount together to buy heating oil this winter, its really a small price to pay to just avoid any/all of the afore mentioned hassles, and more.
    The financial consent order (c£200 in solicitor fees and a £50 court fee) is vital too.

    This will agree the split of assets (or cutlery in this case) but, crucially, will draw a line under the whole thing and remove any possibility of a valid future claim against assets gained post-separation.
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Thats where £550 came from I suppose, £300 divorce, £200 solicitor, £50 fee . So it is not in addition, it is already included
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • Again thanks all for the comments, I guess I may come across as odd with my reasoning but I guess the lifestyle I lead would be alien to many of you. I suppose, for want of a better expression, we are "Hippys" and do not form attachments to material possessions and any funds we have go towards enriching our life experiences. The whole 2.4 kids, mortgage and pension thing seems as odd to me, as my lifestyle does to many of you.

    I do not have learning difficulties and my lack of understanding of where a number of posters are coming from stems from my alternative life view. Yes I may appear naive but I aim to live my life by seeing the good in people even if it affects me negatively, they are all life experiences.

    On the surface I can understand where people are coming from and I greatly appreciate those posters who given me advice without resorting to insults, even if they have been quite forceful in their opinions.
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,499 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 27 January 2017 at 10:06AM
    justme111 wrote: »
    Thats where £550 came from I suppose, £300 divorce, £200 solicitor, £50 fee . So it is not in addition, it is already included

    No, £550 is the court fee for the divorce only (but now includes the fee for issuing the decree Absolute, which used to be a separate fee).https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

    If you can agree the finances amicably, some solicitors will do the Consent Order on a fixed fee basis. Both parties must demonstrate that they have taken legal advice (which they are free to ignore, should they so choose) on the agreement, but this can often be done via a free half hour/'initial consultation'.
    £50 court fee for dealing with the Consent Order.
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  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,236 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    catflap11 wrote: »
    Again thanks all for the comments, I guess I may come across as odd with my reasoning but I guess the lifestyle I lead would be alien to many of you. I suppose, for want of a better expression, we are "Hippys" and do not form attachments to material possessions and any funds we have go towards enriching our life experiences. The whole 2.4 kids, mortgage and pension thing seems as odd to me, as my lifestyle does to many of you.

    I do not have learning difficulties and my lack of understanding of where a number of posters are coming from stems from my alternative life view. Yes I may appear naive but I aim to live my life by seeing the good in people even if it affects me negatively, they are all life experiences.

    On the surface I can understand where people are coming from and I greatly appreciate those posters who given me advice without resorting to insults, even if they have been quite forceful in their opinions.

    Wyatt and Vance were hippies too, at the time they were together!

    I think probably for you, the biggest reason to deal with it now may simply be that you and your wife are currently on good terms and have nothing to argue over, so it should be possible to sort it all out very amicably.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
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