Are there any secrets to enjoying life after 50?

justme111

Fbaby, they surely can improve fitness after 50. I met one of my squash partners when he was 57. He barely could run a few steps without getting breathless. 10 years down the line he looks better than he used to 10 years ago and he is much much fitter, he now wins most of the time:)
MrToad, well done in building your life the way it turned out/congratulations on being lucky. Many people have not been as successful/clever/lucky. I thought "sex missing" immediately on reading op but I have no idea how could one rectify it in their position short of separating.

belfastgirl23

I reckon you need to step back a bit from this tbh. the big question is what can YOU do about this.

The issue of grey hair - are you struggling with seeing your parents age? Because in your mums place I'd be inclined to label this 'none of your beeswax' and I really wouldn't appreciate being nagged about it. Maybe she feels it's fine to have grey hair. This part might be your problem not theirs!

But on the negativity thing, could you make a really conscious effort to challenge their thinking gently? So if they complain about something, remind them of the good sides/benefits of eg still working. Remind them of what they have achieved and are achieving. Sometimes we can accidentally make people age by letting them get away with stuff or letting them off the hook by stepping in to do things they can perfectly well manage themselves. I've seen this in families, well meaning sons and daughters taking on tasks (often it has to be said because they crave parental approval), and both end up deskilling their parents and bitterly resentful that they are stuck with a task the parent could do (especially if what they can't do increases). I'm wondering why you are feeling such a responsibility for your parents happiness when they are still relatively young?

Which overall is to say, look at yourself first. Do you encourage this talk? Do you enable it? Do you sympathise or challenge? Do you cosset them or depend on them? It's a tough call being an only child as parents age, and I'd caution you to be very careful about taking responsibility for their emotional welfare at this young age. Unfortunately the demands tend to get greater rather than lesser and I'd say at their age and presuming no illnesses, it's up to them to figure it out. Which means it's up to you to step back a bit.

MallyGirl

I turn 50 in a couple of months - I am the fittest I have ever been.
I look forward to 3 years time when my DD spreads her wings and goes off to Uni and then DH and I can crank up the travel plans and not be restricted by school holidays any more.

My in-laws are in their late 70s/early 80s and they have a massively active social life. Something to aspire to.

swingaloo

gladiolus wrote: »

I'm asking because I'm concerned about my parents, who are both in their mid-fifties. I feel like they aren't enjoying life as much as they could be. I also believe they aren't making the most of the years they have left. My mum frequently complains about not having anything to look forward to, while my dad mostly complains about being tired and not having the energy he has when he was younger. They also don't make much of an effort with their respective appearances. My mum used to, but since she reached 50 she hasn't been trying as much. She often has grey roots showing through and when I remind her about it she just says she's not bothered. There was a time not so long ago when she would have been mortified at having grey hairs. My dad is overweight and doesn't seem to care about trying to lose weight. There are a few other issues at hand which I think might be contributing to the situation. One is that they keep receiving junk mail about life insurance for over-50s, which I think they find to be an unwelcome reminder that they are getting old. They also seem to be a bit resentful of people they know who have already retired before 55 with good pensions, while they are facing the prospect of working well into their 60s.

That is the gist of it - I think there is too much negativity coming from both of them. I'm an only child and I have always enjoyed a very close relationship with my parents. They seem to have decided that the best days of life are behind them and are seemingly just going through the motions without having any goals or ambitions. Is it common to act and fee l that way after entering your 50s? I just wanted to ask anyone who is around my parents' age for their thoughts about the situation.

Sorry but if you have a very close relationship with your parents then wouldnt it be a good idea to ask them what 'they think'? without telling them that you consider that they 'are getting old'.

Im in my mid 60's and have days when i just cant be bothered. Ive recently been off colour and have not had my hair done for nearly 3 months. It looks a mess but its my mess and when I feel a bit better its the first thing on my list of 'to do's'. When I first started to go grey every grey hair was a crisis but gradually you get used to it and realise that its going to happen whatever. Maybe thats why your mum was so bothered before about her roots but now she has given in to the inevitable. As for your dads weight, maybe he has got a bit complacent and even though its not good for his health maybe he has decided that he no longer wants to hold in his stomach or strive for a 6 pack.

Sometimes I complain that I have nothing to look forward to. But that does not mean I am ready to call it a day. It simply means I have no particular 'project' to arrange at the moment. I love family parties and like arranging them so inbetween birthdays etc I may say I have nothing to look forward to. I complain that I dont have the energy I used to have and that irritates me.

Ive had times when Ive felt a bit down, I think that last year was particularly bad as s many people I remember from my youth died, both on a personal level and tv celebs/singers.
But on the plus side, I married again last year after living 12 years with my partner.

We bought a new car and when my husband said it should do us the next ten years hopefully I suddenly realised that I may be in a position where I need to stop driving by then. That is a scary thought! I remembered my old mother in law buying a new 3 piece suite in her 60s and saying 'Well, this will do us out!' I was mortified at the time but can understand it now.

I could have retired 4 years ago but still work part time alongside a very youthful team and bow out gracefully when they have works do as 'clubbing' is just not for me these days.

Yes, everything aches and although i never thought it would happen to me I now rely on the kids for showing me how to set up a tv or work a new phone.

If my daughter calls to see me she will probably have the same thoughts you have (I really cant see the 'over 50's lifeplans depressing your mum and dad though) she will see my slouched on the couch and maybe saying I 'cant be bothered today'. I ache all over and my husband is disabled.
But she doesnt know everything- We are planning a 3 week drive round America next year.

Talk to your parents, find out how they feel. But do it in a general way without implying that you think they are over the hill. You say they are not enjoying life and not making the most of the years they have left. Do they think the same or is it just your perception of what you think your parents are feeling?

I may be way off mark here but from reading your post and from reckoning that as your parents are mid 50s then the likelyhood is that you are maybe late 20s early 30s. Is there perhaps a bit of worry on your part that you are worried that your parents are not going to be around forever. It just seems to me that you are more worried about them ageing than they are. Realistically they may be around for the next 30+ years.

j-josie

Have you anything with which to bribe them? Grandchildren or hopes therefore? Exotic garden plants? New sporting equipment, a dance competition (not Strictly, but perhaps attend a War Weekend in period authentic civvies and enjoy dancing to the music?)?

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War Weekend!?! - My DH are in our 50s - we grew up with punk, Springsteen etc. Our parents were the War Weekend generation!.
To the poster I would ask, have you recently left home - the 'empty nest' syndrome can strike some folk hard - perhaps they just need to readjust.

Hard_Up_Hester

I'm 65, I've stopped dying my hair and stopped having it cut as I had a pay cut at work and I can no longer afford it.
I'm still working 30 hours a week and in a job that means a lot of rushing around and some heavy lifting.
I'd like to retire but only because there are things I'd like to do more of other than work.
We have big plans for the next year or so.

pollypenny

A question for the OP: have your parents always been stick in the mud types?

Mr.Generous

justme111 wrote: »

I thought "sex missing" immediately on reading op but I have no idea how could one rectify it in their position short of separating.

I thought that too, wife no longer bothers about appearance because "he doesn't find me attractive" Husband complains about tired and no energy because ... er... well.... he can't manage it if you see what I mean.

Loosing weight and getting fitter would undoubtedly help. Better than the little blue pills, but they would probably do the trick. Now how on earth you broach the subject of ED with your father I don't know. Maybe ask your mother if things are ok in the bedroom? The very thought of such a conversation makes me cringe:o

annandale

Think some pretty big assumptions being made. First it was evening sherbets. Now he's got erectile dysfunction because he's overweight?

Overweight people can and do have sex.

None of this has been said at any point in the thread.

And if you aren't having enough sex you've to separate!

The Op came on for advice and their dad now can't get it up, they are having evening sherbets and they've to be packed off to a war weekend even though they were born in the early 60s!

This thread is getting crazier by the post.

z1a

I'm 57, wife is 52, we still spend summer Sundays hurtling round on motorbike (within speed limits of course )
When on hols, with no work to go to the day after we will still be in the bars and clubs 'til the sun comes up.
Are your parents really only in their 50's? Sounds more like 90's to me.
My Mum is in her 80's and still goes to lively places in Greece and Spain 2 or 3 times a year.