Other thread opened my eyes

PinkMonster

Lessonlearned, I learned that a long time ago. I've been in the UK for 15 years, and that was the main reason I stayed, not having to deal with them day-to-day.

My mother was a bully and like all bullies, when you tell them they aren't getting their own way, they don't know what to do about it. The only reason my mother listened to me even a little, was because she knew I meant it when I told her she wouldn't hear from us again if she didn't apologise to me.

My sisters are so conditioned to listen to her and let her have her own way, that it actually was part of her decline in health. When we were there the last time, she took off 3 days before we left to drive 8 hours away (if no breaks!, and back again in 3 days) with my sister and her husband's family, even though she had DVT and had developed it during the same trip the previous year - and had only just recovered from it. She ended up with it permanently and on warfarin til she died. She 'didn't want to disappoint' someone she met up there the previous year, so went instead of staying home to see her grandson for 3 more days. Then whined at us that 'she had the right to see him' on the day we spent with her, but refused lots of opportunities to come to my godmother's house where we were staying (they had the room) for meals/evenings with us.

The sister she went with was perfectly capable of telling her she should only go if her doctor OK'd the trip, my mother wouldn't ask her doc otherwise but my sister wouldn't do it. Then looked after her for the next 6 years, hand and foot, out of guilt.

System

It would have been my daughter's 37th birthday in a few days time. She died when she was just a baby but I think of her a lot, especially around her birthday. but one of my memories of losing my daughter was comforting Mother. To hear her weep and wail anyone would have thought she had lost the baby she gave birth to.

My grief didn't matter because I was only young but my body ached for the baby I'd given birth to.

spirit

Judi wrote: »

It would have been my daughter's 37th birthday in a few days time. She died when she was just a baby but I think of her a lot, especially around her birthday. but one of my memories of losing my daughter was comforting Mother. To hear her weep and wail anyone would have thought she had lost the baby she gave birth to.

My grief didn't matter because I was only young but my body ached for the baby I'd given birth to.

no words Judi ((hugs))

Litchielou

Judi lots of love to you at this sad time. xx

lessonlearned

Sending you hugs and love. X

PinkMonster

((hugs))) Judy

[Deleted User]

Judi wrote: »

It would have been my daughter's 37th birthday in a few days time. She died when she was just a baby but I think of her a lot, especially around her birthday. but one of my memories of losing my daughter was comforting Mother. To hear her weep and wail anyone would have thought she had lost the baby she gave birth to.

My grief didn't matter because I was only young but my body ached for the baby I'd given birth to.

Your grief does matter. Sending hugs xx

JIL

My sil is one of four children, there is her and her sister and two brothers. The brothers live overseas and rarely come home. The sisters help out with their mother as they have always done. Their father died a couple of years ago and all his money went to the mother.
The sons are divorced, the sisters both married.

The mother has changed her will to leave everything to her son's, her reason being that the daughters have husbands to provide for them.
It is very sad.

moneyistooshorttomention

One sometimes gets the suspicion that mothers will look for any excuse to favour their sons - but there is never the counterbalance of fathers looking for any excuse to favour their daughters:cool:.

Presumably because it's the mothers that tend to live the longest...

Yes it is sad indeed..and how old-fashioned to regard daughters as "being provided for by husbands". I could have understood more if the mother had said "Well the daughters are half of a couple and the sons are not half of a couple - and single people are worse off than married people basically" - as singles are a lot worse off (all else being equal).

spirit

As a mother of a son and daughter - I don't favour one over the other at all.

I found the appeal court judgement odd, on the daughter who was still awarded 50k by them when it was clear the mother didn't bequeath her anything ((shrugs))