Mother in law.....the wifes mum !!!

theoretica

I suggest that you stop bending over backwards trying to please her - it clearly isn't working. Distance and civility might be worth trying.

And never, ever, anything that could be a criticism on her daughter, even in jest. Probably don't joke with her at all.

wishwin wrote: »

.i then said if my wife stayed at home she would strangle them....joking of course....m-i-l turned to me and said i would strangle you 1st !!!.....

bouicca21

This has been going on for 20 years? Why has it become a big issue for you now?

mickey54

bouicca21 wrote: »

This has been going on for 20 years? Why has it become a big issue for you now?

Probably same as it does with a partner ... Put up with it so long ... And then blow up.

How many divorces are there after 20 Plus year!!

POPPYOSCAR

theoretica wrote: »

I suggest that you stop bending over backwards trying to please her - it clearly isn't working. Distance and civility might be worth trying.

And never, ever, anything that could be a criticism on her daughter, even in jest. Probably don't joke with her at all.

I agree.

You are enabling her.

Be civil and nothing more.

Marvel1

Fair play to being quiet, I think I would end up saying something "there's the door, leave".

I thinks it best not to do anything for her and only speak briefly if needed.

Bex885

I think you need to put her straight in her place and tell her if she cannot respect you she can't come round to your home my ex's mum was like this with me I told her a few home truthes he never said anything to her when she slated me so I did it myself don't let her talk to you that way she sounds like a nasty vindictive woman and she needs putting in her place

pphillips

My wife had to cut her mother off completely as she was driving both of us crazy. It seems your mother in law is a narcissist as well.

The first point I would make is that it is no use trying to impress your mother in law as nothing you can do will ever be good enough for her.

The second point is that you have authority in you own home and you need to use it, my mother in law would never come to our home as she knew it was not hers to control.

The third point is that your wife needs to stop sitting on the fence as you both need to be in agreement, perhaps you need to give her an ultimatum, either she chooses you or she chooses her mother.

Lastly if your mother in law doesn't behave there is always the option of no contact, this was our only chance of sanity.

coolcait

wishwin wrote: »

.....i then said if my wife stayed at home she would strangle them....joking of course....m-i-l turned to me and said i would strangle you 1st !!!......in these situations in front of a house full of the wifes side of the family i feel belittled in my own home...

.

Maybe your wife felt belittled in front of her family, in her own home, and that's why she didn't say anything? Maybe your MIL was also joking?

theoretica wrote: »

I suggest that you stop bending over backwards trying to please her - it clearly isn't working. Distance and civility might be worth trying.

And never, ever, anything that could be a criticism on her daughter, even in jest. Probably don't joke with her at all.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree.

You are enabling her.

Be civil and nothing more.

I'd agree with the two posters I quoted above.

wishwin

thankyou for all your replies and comments...i think the best way forward will be not for me to have any contact with her..then it avoids conflict ..and when she wants to see the wife and 2 kids....the wife can take them to her place and not our house .....the wife has actually told her now i think its best if you stay away from our house

......because my son is autistic and yes he is 18 but having autisim is very complicated and i am his registered carer....i can no longer work i gave my job up in 2003 when we found out he had special needs....we also have a 12 year old daughter....so i do school runs etc etc....bit diffiucult trying to factor and plan a job into the equation when one of us needs to be available at all times.

Keep_pedalling

wishwin wrote: »

i have had 2 options and mostly i just bite my lip over all the comments.....the other option go hell for leather at her ..i would love to ..but would that not cause more problems for the wife and i........i looked at her on boxing day and i thought i would love to tear right into you verbally...but the rest of the wifes family were there as well..and have been in the past when i get the insults thrown at me..if it was not the wifes mother she would have been well told in no uncertain terms...i dont usually mince my words and are usually very direct .......thanks

You have a 3rd option, just don't be there when she visits.