Mother in law.....the wifes mum !!!

z1a

Just grow a pair.

1886

I get the feeling that the mil resents you in some way because you don't work. Instead of keeping her opinions to herself she has little digs at you.

I can only say well done for keeping your cool.

My wife has an aunt who none of her family like. I was told about her before I had the pleasure of meeting her. We were having a big family meal and instead of ask me politely to pass something to her she whistled to get my attention. She thinks that she is amazing but quit her job to raise three children. The youngest is now twenty and she has never gone back to work but still thinks that she is amazing.

If I meet her now all she gets is a hello. I don't talk to her. I would do the same to the mil, I've no time for rude people

wishwin

i have had 2 options and mostly i just bite my lip over all the comments.....the other option go hell for leather at her ..i would love to ..but would that not cause more problems for the wife and i........i looked at her on boxing day and i thought i would love to tear right into you verbally...but the rest of the wifes family were there as well..and have been in the past when i get the insults thrown at me..if it was not the wifes mother she would have been well told in no uncertain terms...i dont usually mince my words and are usually very direct .......thanks

Brightonsbest_2

Looks as though the sytem works for you, your wife and kids.
You wife appears to love you and on the whole you get on well.

The MiL really needs her head testing judging by what you say.

However, and never forget that the MiL is your wifes mum.

Therefore, ignore, remain genuinely polite and don't complain to your wife about MiL, and hopefully as the dragon ups the insults, trust me, your wife will step in

svain

She sounds to me like "old school" and she doesnt see you as the "man" of the house because you are doing the womans work (in here eyes). She has no respect for you.

First thing i would do is stop pandering to this woman, no more invites, no more meals, holidays, cups of tea, pressies etc. Only communicate when you have to .... and finally iif she gets a dig in, then dont ignore her, challenge her .... she is a bully and needs standing up to. If she continues to belittle you then ask her to leave. She will get the message .... if not make any meetings at you MIL home and you can stay away

surveyqueenuk

I am wondering whether MIL is labouring under some kind of misapprehension that the man should work and the woman should stay at home with the children?

svain

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

I am wondering whether MIL is labouring under some kind of misapprehension that the man should work and the woman should stay at home with the children?

Many people still do, but dont belittle the man in his own home

TBagpuss

Have you tried talking to your wife about this away from the situation?

It's very hard to try to get your wife to change a long standing habit of ignoring her mum / letting her get away with this kind of behaviour, and she's unlikely to suddenly step up and say something in the moment.

Try to sit down with her and discuss it. Try not to accuse her, but to frame it as about how it affects you.
e.g. not "you never stand up for me / support me when your mother has a go" but " I feel that your mother is very critical of me. I would really appreciate it if you were to back me up if I say anything to her. When you stay silent as she criticizes me, it makes me feel that you aren't supporting me"

You can also ask her about how she feels about it, and whether she can suggest any ways in which you could change your behaviour? weirdly, it might be that if you didn't try so hard, you MIL might be less critical.

Also talk to your wife about other options for dealing with the issue. Might it be possible for your wife to visit her parents by herself (or with the children) most of the time, rather than them coming to your home?

It may also be worth talking with your wife about how she feels about the way the two of you manage things directly. Is it possible that she would like to be able to spend more time at home, or for you to be working? Might she have vented to her mother about things she is unhappy with?

warehouse

She's a bully, plain and simple. You stand up to bullies which is something you've made clear hasn't happened yet. You don't need to scream and shout at her, just let her know her comments are unacceptable in your house and if she continues then she can leave.

Man up.

Person_one

It may well be that your wife knows that there's zero chance of her mother ever changing and behaving decently and politely.

If she knows full well that the choice will boil down to putting up with it or having a huge fall out over it, she may well feel that the first one is the better option for the sake of the kids, FIL and a quiet life. What would you choose in her shoes?

I do think its very unfair that you have to put up with verbal abuse and rudeness in your own home, I think you and your wife need a very honest, very serious conversation where she needs to acknowledge that you are putting up with a situation that cannot go on, and decide which way you're going to put a stop to it. After all, I'm sure that if you heard somebody talking to her the way your MIL talks to you, you wouldn't meekly ignore it would you?