Mother in law.....the wifes mum !!!

svain

The OP does not need to excuse or explain his reasons for not working. To either his MIL or on here. Whether a lifestyle choice or a.necessity its a decision for him and his wife.

FatVonD

From my own experience with Inlaws, if they don't like you then nothing is going to change their mind. The truth can be staring them in the face but they will choose to not believe it in favour of their own 'truth' so stop even trying to get her to like you.

http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/files/2014/07/misunderstanding.jpg

LannieDuck

Bit late to the thread here, but what does your wife say about her Mother's behaviour when you speak to her about it?

Does she think it's acceptable? Does she have any insights into why it's happening? What does she suggest you (as a couple) do about it?

dirty_magic

I think your wife should stand up for you in front of her mum. If mine said that I'd picked the wrong one I'd tell her to butt out and tell her why I chose him.

I think that's a horrible thing to say, even if it was meant to be a joke.

Muscle750

When we said we were getting married some 34 years ago this year my mother outlaw stormed down my parents house and told them that no way was her daughter marrying me i was new to the village we lived in we had been going out for two years prior. We got married althou you could tell the outlaw was far from happy. Since weve had a few entertaining moments to say the least. Weve had four children and now also have four grandchildren. My wife has a brother and a sister to this day the outlaw thinks the sunshines out the wifes siblings backsides. My father in law walked out not long after we married he re married and lives up north as does the wifes sister who walked out on her husband and kids on christmas day and has remarried which she was playing with fire with for along time before she walked out on them however the outlaw still thinks to this day shes the be all
Now my mother outlaw is not well and we are now running round looking after her only this week we had the paramedic to her as she really wasnt well at all yet she refused to go to hospital. The previous week i took her medication yet last night on another visit we found she hadnt took any, its a 30 mile round trip for us yet whilst ill admit my wifes siblings live further away its us the outcasts who seem to be run rugged at the moment. My wfe phones her everyday however when she doesnt phone which isnt very often the outlaw will never phone us only when she wants us to drop everything for some reason.
When anything does happen to her i imagine the other two siblings will be there like vultures . My wife agrees with me but its stil her mother at the end of the day and shes too stubborn for her own good at times

margaretclare

Primrose wrote: »

Congratulations. I think you have done a wonderful job of being a support for your wife and a carer for your son and I feel upset for you that your m-I-l shows you such a lack of respect in your own home.

I actually think that your wife may have been at fault here. She should always have stood up for you, her partner and the father of her son and not tolerated her mother behaving in this way. Most people would feel it unreasonable that this has ended up in you feeling unsupported and sidelined in your own house.

However, I think now is the time, after such a miserable Christmas , that you jointly decide that things have to change. This will have to find you being more assertive with both your wife and m-In-l and your wife committing to supporting you actively, rather than allowing her mother to dictate the rules in your own home.

Your mil is a bully, and her husband has obviously never had the guts to stand up to her. Now is the time to ensure this.behaviour is not reflected through to a second generation.

I suggest you both quietly and determinedly tell your mil that there will be no more visits to your home unless she commits to stop interfering. This will be hard for your wife but she needs to recognise
that after 18 years of you being the main carer for your autistic son, this reflects the respect you deserve. Your mil may well not respect you for being the main breadwinner but whether you want her respect or not I suspect she will start to respect you more if you start to exercise the authority you have as joint partner in your household and a joint parent.

As others have said, not terribly tactfully, now is the time to stand up
and show her what you are made of! I suspect that not working has possibly dented your self esteem and confidence somewhat. If that is the case your wife should recognise that too and give you added support. Even though you perhaps cannot commit to working, could you find a part time volunteering opportunity locally that would give you some time to develop your self confidence and self worth

You have obviously done a great job for your son. Perhaps now is the time to start doing a little caring for yourself ?

I agree with every word of this.

VfM4meplse

coolcait wrote: »

Maybe your wife felt belittled in front of her family, in her own home, and that's why she didn't say anything?

Maybe she tacitly agrees with her mother? Time to have it out.

vacationgirl

I know it sounds harsh but could your Mil be subconsciously blaming you for your sons condition?

My OH and I have always worked even when the children were small and shared responsibility for all household expenditure,yet my mil always referred to items in our home such as carpets and furniture as belonging to OH, or whenever we booked a holiday she acted as though I was lucky to have such a good husband even though the financing of it was shared.
I never said anything to anyone about this but found it hurtful.