Do You Trust Your Other Half?

Brightonsbest_2

NeilCr wrote: »

It's a winter's night chez BrightonsBest

Mrs BB has gone out for the evening, accidentally leaving her phone at home

BB sees his chance. It's three months since he has had the opportunity to check if Mrs BB has been cheating - (after all there is a 90% chance that she has). He picks up the phone and starts checking her texts

Just at that moment the door opens and in walks Mrs BB "sorry I am back so quickly BB I left my ph..... what the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Please don't worry Mrs BB - I was just looking at your phone to see if you have been cheating on me. After all it says here (brandishes copy of the Daily Mail) that you most probably have been"

"Oh is that all BB. I completely understand. I'll go out again without my phone so you can have a good look. As it is in the Daily Mail it must be true and I have, obviously, been cheating"

Or maybe not?

Hi

Nice to have a lol at situations like this judging by your post, nothing wrong with that.

Don't forget, deception is a nasty, hurful, worrying word and it's happened and happening right now as I type my post. The best cheats, especially ladies will have a secon phone, will cheat with someone that lives further away than a mna would, the ladies do not at early stages give out their real name/address/mobile and it's usally with men that have a higher status than their current partner.

I'd don't beleive my OH/wife would cheat on me, but the world 'never' is not in my vocabulary.

When sepaking with viticms of cheats, ie the ones lucky or unlucky enoguh to find out, all said it was the "DECEPTION" that really hurt as when the cheating is going on, the cheat still tells its OH, "I love you and would never cheat on you, what is mine is yours...etc..etc"

I wish you all of the best as we are both aware everyone is not a cheat

catkins

FBaby wrote: »

Why does it have to come down to excuses, ie. if you've cheated, you're fully guilty, if you've been cheated, you're the poor victim.

It's not about reasons or excuses, it's about a relationship that was clearly unstable resulting in the outcome of cheating. In many cases, it's the relationship's fault, the dynamics of it that has gone wrong, and that can rarely be attributed 100% to one or the other.

To me cheating will either be a catalyst to make necessary changes within a relationship that were not taking place without it (as in my father's case), or it is only leading to the inevitable, ie. separation/divorce that would most likely still be the outcome of the relationship, cheating or not.

I am in no way trying to excuse it and I myself have never cheated nor even considered doing so, even when thing have been bad, very bad. I've left or fought on. However, that didn't make me a better person, nor does it mean that my partner was any less or more responsible, as I was, for the difficulties in the relationship.

Also, in my experience, cheating has resulted in very positive outcomes, with people reforming relationships that has made them much happier than they were before. Sometimes it can be a blessing, it's just that becomes so much later after the event.

You do sound like you are trying to excuse cheating though. Sorry but in my view cheating is totally wrong always.

If things are bad in a relationship then work and/or fight to get them right. If not then end the relationship. It is simple. You DO NOT cheat.

Most of the people I know that cheated have gone on to have yet another unhappy relationship with the person they cheated with - quite a few married and divorced several times. At least two went back to the partner they cheated on having realised the grass was not greener.

FBaby wrote: »

I don't think you can speak on behalf of your husband though. Can you really truly say that when your marriage was at its absolute worse, when you were questioning whether it is worth staying because you couldn't see a resolution to your issues, that if some rich handsome charming guy came into your life, first as friends only of course, but then telling you how he'd fallen in love with you and wanted to give you all your husband wasn't then, you wouldn't, even for a few minutes, have thought 'what if'?

I think it most cases, that opportunity never comes, so it makes it much easier not to consider cheating. Saying that, a friend of mine was exactly in this situation (well at the stage of being very good friends with the potential of the next stage not far off), she did think about it quite seriously, but did decide to give it another go with her husband and they did work things out (she was honest with him about this 'friend' and what he was bringing into her life that she desperately wanted from her husband).

Almost all the people who I've know who've had an affair and left their marriage/long term relationship for that new person are still with them after many years.

For a start I can speak on behalf of my husband. His views on cheating are just as strong as mine - it is always always wrong.

I know for a fact that he had a fairly attractive woman after him at one time. She was also married and OH made it clear to her how he felt about her behaviour. He also told me about it and we had a good laugh. To be honest he regarded her as something of a tart to even try it on.

Thinking "what if" briefly is a hell of a lot different to doing something about it. Of course there has been the odd time when I thought that and I know OH has too.

I worked with a guy that I got on really well with and found myself developing a bit of a crush on him. I am pretty sure I could have taken it further but I didn't.

Given the amount of people that do cheat I think it is pretty obvious that for many the opportunity does come. Of course anyone with any morals that loved their other half would do nothing about it.

As I said, I don't really know many, if any, people that have cheated with someone and then entered a new relationship with that person that are particularly happy.

There is practically no divorce in my family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews) but most of my friends have been married and divorced at least once but quite a few twice or even three times or more

annandale

It's odd for someone who doesn't cheat that the OP seems to know so much about the behaviour of those who do

annandale

And there's a huge anti female point of view running through this thread. Always the ladies who cheat better etc.

NeilCr

Brightonsbest wrote: »

Hi

Nice to have a lol at situations like this judging by your post, nothing wrong with that.

Don't forget, deception is a nasty, hurful, worrying word and it's happened and happening right now as I type my post. The best cheats, especially ladies will have a secon phone, will cheat with someone that lives further away than a mna would, the ladies do not at early stages give out their real name/address/mobile and it's usally with men that have a higher status than their current partner.

I'd don't beleive my OH/wife would cheat on me, but the world 'never' is not in my vocabulary.

When sepaking with viticms of cheats, ie the ones lucky or unlucky enoguh to find out, all said it was the "DECEPTION" that really hurt as when the cheating is going on, the cheat still tells its OH, "I love you and would never cheat on you, what is mine is yours...etc..etc"

I wish you all of the best as we are both aware everyone is not a cheat

Fine

But that wasn't the point of my post

What would your wife's reaction be if she found out that you were checking on her by looking at her phone behind her back. Whether or not you think your wife would cheat is not the issue

You keep repeating these generalisations. But you don't seem so good at relating it to your own situation - and, in particular, your wife's feelings/views on the matter

Brightonsbest_2

Hi

Has anyone looked at the stat/votes??

47 DO indeed check/etc as opposed to the 92 that claim they don't.

However, looking at this thread, other than one or two posters like me, most are saying they don't check. Could it be they are too fearful to post in case they are picked on?? Just saying.

Free tip for a good relationship: GIVE & TAKE, and be FLEXIBLE & Understanding, open and honest, but always be aware of your surroundings.

Brightonsbest_2

NeilCr wrote: »

Fine

But that wasn't the point of my post

What would your wife's reaction be if she found out that you were checking on her by looking at her phone behind her back. Whether or not you think your wife would cheat is not the issue

You keep repeating these generalisations. But you don't seem so good at relating it to your own situation - and, in particular, your wife's feelings/views on the matter

Hi

Thanks for coming back to me.

You ask about my wifes feelings and how she would feel. The fact is I don't know if she checks on me. I guess if she did find out she would not be too happy. However, hopefully she will understand that I dont want to be deceived/fooled/taken for a ride and think about the good/caring hubby I am.

Trust me friend, even those that cheat keep on telling their OH that the "love them, won't cheat etc" even when cheating and that is NOT a "generalsiton" but a fact.

I really must dash as I need to complet my tax return, speak laters may be

ATB

Pollycat

Brightonsbest wrote: »

Hi

Has anyone looked at the stat/votes??

47 DO indeed check/etc as opposed to the 92 that claim they don't.

I find it very illuminating that the OP phrases it like this.

I guess you could say:
47 claim to check as opposed to the 92 who indeed don't check.

There's nothing like slanting a discussion to suit your own viewpoint.

NeilCr

Brightonsbest wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for coming back to me.

You ask about my wifes feelings and how she would feel. The fact is I don't know if she checks on me. I guess if she did find out she would not be too happy. However, hopefully she will understand that I dont want to be deceived/fooled/taken for a ride and think about the good/caring hubby I am.

Trust me friend, even those that cheat keep on telling their OH that the "love them, won't cheat etc" even when cheating and that is NOT a "generalsiton" but a fact.

I really must dash as I need to complet my tax return, speak laters may be

ATB

Interesting

Sounds like a screwed up relationship to me

You don't know how your wife feels about something as important as this. No communication

You think she wouldn't like it but you carry on. Insensitive

Trust me friend you know little about relationships

I really must dash as I have rugby to watch and wine to drink

Laters.

Brightonsbest_2

NeilCr wrote: »

Interesting

Sounds like a screwed up relationship to me

You don't know how your wife feels about something as important as this. No communication

You think she wouldn't like it but you carry on. Insensitive

Trust me friend you know little about relationships

I really must dash as I have rugby to watch and wine to drink

Laters.

Hi Friend

Thanks for your opinions.
Friend, my relationship is not "screwed up." However, if it makes you feel happy, so be it.

I'm having some chocolates as I try to watch the film 'London is Falling.'

Still undecided re dinner and Mrs BB is preferring something from her motherland

Enjoy your afternoon friend



ps - I used to watch the odd live match at twikenham and played it too, but too old for it now,