Weddings bring out the worst in people

7roland8

Why do people get so hung up over weddings? I would not presume to know anything about my son's wedding unless they choose to tell me. Its not MY wedding so unless asked they should not offer an opinion. Looks like she is thinking its more her wedding than yours - shame to ruin what might be a good relationship but cannot your partner or future FIL say something to calm her down?

GlasweJen

happyandcontented wrote: »

I think you have to pick your battles and get your OH onside with your joint wishes.

Re invitations, she is correct that wording is the usual etiquette unless the couple are paying for the wedding themselves. By not having it on you are implying to guests that neither parent has contributed which is not really fair. You could also send her a list of target dates.

As for the rest it is your wedding and so you should have the final say on the details.

She doesn't need a list of my target dates for arrangements. It's none of her business how much I'm paying for my hair and make up, when I'm going shopping for the little ones dresses or when me and mum are going out to buy her outfit. All things that she's trying to control but has no say over and isn't contributing to financially.

Paulaviki wrote: »

Definitely agree with picking your battles. Could you find some tasks/organising for her to do which will keep her busy and allow you to do the rest your own way?

Not really, it's so close that everything is done except personal things like the kids dresses and the bridesmaids shoes, going to see the registrar and booking our hotel room for the night of the wedding.

7roland8 wrote: »

Why do people get so hung up over weddings? I would not presume to know anything about my son's wedding unless they choose to tell me. Its not MY wedding so unless asked they should not offer an opinion. Looks like she is thinking its more her wedding than yours - shame to ruin what might be a good relationship but cannot your partner or future FIL say something to calm her down?

FiL is terrified of her lol. OH doesn't seem to be getting through, every time I've asked him to mediate he comes back with another ridiculous demand. She now wants her relative to sing a hymn at the wedding, I'm sure that will go down a storm with the humanist!

7roland8

Oh dear - think you'll just have to find ways to keep out of her way, say 'no' that things are already done and then hope things revert to peace after the wedding - she's giving mums in law a bad name!
GOOD LUCK

elona

I am so not a nice person because I would be tempted to tell oh I was considering cancelling the wedding purely because of her demands.

What the heck is she going to be like as a MIL or a gran?

Emigration maybe?

GlasweJen

I've managed to get her to relent on the issue of the multiple foods because we would need the final numbers in 3 weeks time and she's still in the process of rewriting my invitations for what I think is the 4th or 5th time (this goes beyond who is inviting who and into the realms of how to phrase which method of RSVP is preferred and the politest way to enclose a wedding registry list.

Tomorrow OH is to get the final draft of the invitation, her preferred wording for the evening invites, and I can finally send this to the designer to get printed before her next melt down.

GlasweJen

Oh and I gave her the humanists phone number so she can have fun calling him and asking about hymns at my ceremony, don't worry he's been warned and is expecting her call.

arbrighton

no choosing food is not a normal wedding thing- I was quite surprised I had to pick for upcoming friend's wedding. I tried to cater for the many different food things at our wedding, within the meat/ veggie options we'd already picked.

OH needs to tell her firmly to butt out, this is all a bit much.

Mojisola

GlasweJen wrote: »

I'm stressed out my face. The wedding is in 10 weeks and I thought I was fairly organised but OMG my mother in law has driven me up the wall in the last few days.

Trying to just stay calm and let it wash over me but it's really stressing me out. I'm off work sick (unrelated illness) so I'm a captive audience for her strops.

Meanwhile all my parents have said is what's the plans for the morning of the wedding and my mum prefers my original favour.

This is so unfair of your OH's mother. She spoiling the run-up to your wedding and this will tinge the memories you have of the event.

In the light of your poor health and the support you have from your parents, I - and my OH - would be telling her back off, that it's not her wedding and that the two of you are going to have things the way you want.

Work out ways in advance to cope with her strops - if she's on the phone, tell her you can't talk about it now and that you'll have to put the phone down if she continues; if she comes to your home and you feel that you have to let her in and she goes off on one, say you're not well and go to your bedroom; work out other things with your OH - he must have some idea of how to manage her.

MrsTinks

Invitations - no-one but you (and her) will remember - honestly It seems so important at the time but the day after the wedding no-one will be likely to re-read this unless you do a memory box... Pick your battles

Food - We picked the meals - it was option 1 or vegetarian, I did consult my vegetarian friends to see which version they preferred before choosing LOL I wasn't eating it so that made sense to me
NO other options although obviously had anyone had diet issues we would have worked round them.

favours - most will only forget them anyway. Honestly. I had custom made gifts and the ladies nabbed theirs, the blokes didn't LOL I had enough for myself for a few years
Again - if you haven't bought them tell her you're getting everyone scratch cards and she can do one!

ladysharpey

Ugh, it's so hard. If the money is coming with demands on control over the day that's such a shame. Is your OH able to subtley point out how excited you both are about celebrating your day in a way that reflects you as a couple? Also, I reckon pick your battles - let her 'win' the things you're not so bothered about, but stick to your guns on the things that really matter to you. As another poster said, people aren't like to pay too much attention to invitation wording or remember that in years to come.

It's so hard, good luck!