Sashybo - Back Again

sashybo

Thanks guys, just feels horrible to have a good pay and still be short.

DH also hasn’t helped as he has now admitted that he’s had a secret credit card since 2020 and has been running up even more debt on it. 😩 Apparently there’s £2700 on it and it’s 0% until June.

I don’t know what he’s spent the money on and he admitted the total was a lot higher! 🤯 Really concerning behaviour and I’m not happy with him at all.

I just feel like it’s one more kick while I’m down. Why am I trying so hard to stem the flow of money and the accumulation of debt and he’s just merrily spending AGAIN. So angry and disappointed.

Bluegreen143

Oh sashy, I’m so sorry. This must feel so tough when you’re trying so hard to get back on track. 

It must have been hard, too, for him to admit to it. I wonder if he was hoping he’d get it all paid off and never have to say to you. Hopefully he realises now his spending is an issue?

Sun_Addict

Oh no 😫 You’re doing your best and DH is just sabotaging everything. What on earth has he been buying? On the plus side he’s admitted it, hopefully this means he’s ready to get on board 🤞

I’ve been in a very similar position in the past, using the overdraft, no money despite us both working, a spendthrift OH. When you have children you just seem to haemorrhage money. 

Take a deep breath and try to pick things up from here. Things will get better. 

DancingInTheRain

Oh no Sashy! The positive is that he's told you, hopefully there's no other money issues he's hiding and both of you can now make a plan to deal with it together. Surely he's realised he needs to get onboard with this now and not be undermining the effort you've been putting in to address the situation? Big hugs x

sashybo

Thanks all, DH is definitely an emotional spender, it's his go-to when he's feeling down that if he buys something he will feel better. He admitted that he was feeling down and that's why he got the credit card then when he realised how much debt he'd racked up he put his head in the sand, paid the minimum repayments every month and hoped it would go away. 🤦‍♀️ I think you're right Bluegreen that he hoped he could make it go away without having to tell me.

I think because I've been talking about budgeting properly and saving for things and trying to pay the debts off as quickly as we can he's realised he'd have to tell me about this other card as he wouldn't be able to hide the £70 odd minimum payment unless it was coming out of his £100 allowance! Hopefully we can get another 0% BT as the 0% runs out in June he *thinks*. Will need to get him to check this and look into BT offers.

SA I have no idea what he spent the money on, he mumbled something about brewing equipment and "stuff". Hopefully he wasn't gambling because he does like playing on the slots now and then.

Dancing I think DH is realising that we can't keep living like this and that having set pots and a budget will make everything much easier. I think he's coming round to the fact that the amount of debt we have is crippling us despite having a good income.

sashybo

DS is at a party this morning and DD is with my mum, will be going to collect my mum and DD then DS and heading to another party for my great nephew.

I have managed an hour of peace as DH is at work so have had the house to myself. Did day 3 of yoga (my hips didn't like it!) and hung up a washing.

Both DH & I are working tomorrow so my mum is watching the kids for a couple of hours between me starting & DH getting home. Then on Monday my mum has DD for an hour after nursery whilst I take DS to his swimming lesson.

Teachers are striking on Tuesday so the kids are off, luckily I'm not working that day so might take them to the library for something to do as think my mum will want a break from them. 😂 

CRANKY40

I'm sorry but there's a problem somewhere. He spent £1k on the other credit card and there's £2.7k left on this one but it was higher. £4k is too high for you not to notice what he used it for if he's been buying things and bringing them into the house. Despite knowing about this card he agreed to your budget then wanted to book a weekend away and a holiday? He's not facing up to reality is he? I know that you said he can use his card and watch to pay for things....will he take the card details off them while you try to sort out this mess? 

sashybo

Cranky I’ve asked him more about what he bought & it seems like quite a few items of equipment for his home brew, which I wouldn’t necessarily notice had changed or appeared as I don’t use them.

He also said he spent on the CC when he was on nights out etc rather than taking cash out. He claims he hasn’t used the card for 18 months now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’re right his lightbulb has definitely not gone on. He told about yet more subscriptions he’s paying out on for email domain management or something and it costs £72 annually. I told him he can pay for it from his own allowance along with another couple of things that are for his online games.

I’ve redone the budget again but have had to reduce contributions to the holiday & family fun pots so we can pay the minimum off the secret CC & also realised I’d forgotten to include my car insurance in my original SOA. 🤦🏻‍♀️

beanielou

Wow. That is a shocker.
A gamechanger for me.

sashybo

Yes Beanie, not happy about the lying, even if it was by omission.

He is going out with his friends for his birthday in a couple of weeks, he's been told he has to use his allowance money and not the CC. He says he won't use it but I just don't trust him not to. 😞 Meant to be going out for dinner the following night so if he does spend on the CC that won't be happening. I'm sick of his selfishness impacting me and the kids - we can't go on holiday or do things because he has been overspending because he feels down.

Everything is always all about him and he always tries to turn it around and blame me. I'm the mean one for saying no to everything. He just sees himself as some sort of victim, it's exhausting. I just want him to grow up a bit and stop blaming everyone else and stop blinking spending!!

Have hung up one washing and put another one away so far today and need to have a shower before work. The kids are just playing about with their toys and watching a bit of tv.

Hoping to get back into the organised mum method of cleaning from tomorrow, it does work when I stick to it. Having a yoga break today as my hips are still hurting from the day 3 work out, so unfit. 😂 Will do day 4 tomorrow after dropping the kids off at school/nursery.