Sashybo - Back Again

Bluegreen143

@sashybo that sounds really stressful, an extra £2.5k on the card is so not what you need!

Definitely think the separate allowance is a must and making it generous enough is what makes it work in my house - as my DH doesn’t feel hard done by or controlled he is much more amenable to sticking to his allowance (roughly £400). He doesn’t have access to credit cards or an overdraft as I keep both credit cards, mine and his - we don’t use these unless we want to book a holiday or similar and want the extra protection. 

A couple of times early on in this system he ran out of money and I subbed him from my own personal money (graciously and without nagging or reproach which is not my default setting 🙈). It’s gone a long way to convince him I’m on his side and not limiting his money to be horrible. 

I’ve been amazed that lately he’s started to save up his allowance for a couple of months and has used it to purchase big tools he wants and go on a big night out. So he’s not building long term savings but it’s such a shift in his attitude to keep back any money at all for the next month… still wouldn’t have him run the family budget though 😜

Would also agree with getting rid of the overdraft once paid off. We don’t have any overdraft facilities. If there is an emergency you’d ideally use savings but failing that you could use one of your credit cards, so you don’t need the overdraft.

sashybo

Hi all, thanks for the thoughts. The difficulty with stopping DH spending is he can use his phone & his smartwatch as well as his cards!

DH is being pretty agreeable to the budget I'm suggesting and seems to be engaging with the idea of an allowance for our own spends for nights out, hair cuts, clothes and general wants but he always is at first then slides back into bad spending behaviour. I mean, I'm no angel and have obviously been overspending as well but I'm definitely more worried about our (unsustainable) level of debt than he is.

Most recent example is that he has now decided he wants us to go away to York for 2 nights for his 40th birthday in February. I told him no as we have no money and his answer was his mum & dad will give us money. 🤦‍♀️ Apart from this not being a guarantee even if they gave us enough for a hotel we would still have to pay for travel, food & drinks. He then went into a sulk and said his birthday is never important to anyone. 👀 🤷‍♀️ 

My compromise is why don't we save up to have a nice dinner out and ask my mum to keep the kids overnight. It's our 10 year wedding anniversary in the summer so have also suggested that we could save towards going away for a night or 2 then instead. 

Also to add we have both cars MOTs in February and my car's service will be due and we don't have enough money saved for this either. We do have £135 in the car account but £112 has just been wiped out by a puncture I got in one of my tyres at work on Monday. 😩 

DD was sick in her bed again on Christmas eve and Christmas night, again needing a late night shower due to it being all over her and her bed. I was also sick on Christmas night but managed to get up and go to work the next morning as it was double time 26th & 27th - just used a lot of anti-bac and stayed away from colleagues. Have had a sore stomach since but not been sick again. DD has managed to not be sick the last 2 nights so hoping she's over it now.

sashybo

To continue on - the outlaws sent DH a cheque for £2K for christmas which was a nice surprise as it will (hopefully) pay off the overdraft and a good chunk of the hefty CC bill. Not sure what our wages will be in January yet but should get a bit more due to double time and holiday pay so this might get us back on an even (ish) keel.

Obviously not taking into account the upcoming car expenses or DH's birthday. 🤦‍♀️ I need to look at the budget again and set up new standing orders for any adjustments and new savings pots.

DH of course thinks the money from his parents makes everything ok again but have told him we need to stick to a new budget properly otherwise we'll end up back in the same position again, as we have done several times now.

The outlaws like to complain about how bad DH is with money but they have always used money to control him and make him think he needs them. I'm not complaining about them sending us money but I wish we didn't need it. 😞

DancingInTheRain

Oh Sashy what a few days, big hugs xx

I understand what you mean about the cheque but if it helps kickstart the 2023 debt busting then use it, could you keep some aside for an emergency fund while your other pots get established?

Hope you have a lurgy free end to the year, take care xx

sashybo

Thanks Dancing, our current account is a mess, we are over £1k in the overdraft and the mortgage will come out again before we get paid. 😭 Plus we still have the ridiculous CC bill to pay so unfortunately we won't have anything left for an emergency fund.

In better news, DH has been taking coffee to work in his thermos cup instead of buying it as I mentioned how much he had spent on coffees & lunch/dinner at work alone in the last few weeks. He is still buying food but I told him once the allowances start then it will come out of his own money.

I'm going to look over and re-do another budget.  I have moved the cat insurance money (only £365) over to one of my cha$E savings accounts as the interest rate is better and it's also out of DH's sight this way. 😂 I have also set up holiday, Christmas, annual subs & emergency fund savings accounts but not sure I will be able to fund them all. I think I still need a pot for entertainment/family fun stuff.

I have paid £20 survey money off the lowest CC taking it to £1680 and moved £20 survey money into my Christmas savings account. I have renamed some of the other savings accounts so there is one for estate factor fees, DS's birthday party & the cats food/litter.

The kids got £100 each for Christmas from DH's relatives/friends so I have put £75 each into their savings and £50 into the general kids expenses account. We try not to touch their savings at all although we did need to take some out for DS's swimming lessons, I'd rather not do that though.

Both kids also have some money invested in bonds (gifts from the outlaws when they were born) but the interest rates are shockingly bad. Need to look at moving DS's as the fixed term has ended and we should be able to get a better return somewhere else. 

I made some minestrone soup yesterday which used up some veg and it made enough for quite a few meals. DH & I had some for dinner last night, the kids had some for their lunch today and there's still enough left for 4 more portions at least. I have finally shredded the leftover turkey meat up, planning to make a pie to use it up, will probably do that tomorrow. I found a recipe for mini turkey and cranberry pies which sounds nice and will use up the rest of the cranberry sauce as well.

Need to collect the steak pie for New Year's Day tomorrow and we have £10 credit to spend at Mr M's so will pick up a few things we need that didn't arrive in the online shop today. I want to start adding up the food spends as we go so I know where we are in the £500 limit.

sashybo

Ok re-working SOA again using Bluegreen's template

INCOME £3,800 min

NEEDS £2749.82

Mortgage £825

Council tax £289

Energy  £167 (was £222 but we have a lot of credit built up and are on a lower fixed tariff until August next year)

Life & home ins £48.79

Car ins £32.61

Internet £47.99

Food £500

Household & pets £100

Diesel £100 - may need to increase this as DH needs to drive into the city for work more often rather than a short drive into town & train in due to early/late shift starts & finishes or strikes when the trains aren't running.

Estate factor fees £10

Car loans £383.59

Garage loan £155.84

Car pot £60

Cat pot £30

WANTS £699.69

Phones £20.40

Union fees £9.04

TV license £13.25

Window cleaners £8

Milkman £46

Bank account fee £13 (still need to check out breakdown cover/phone & travel insurance costs)

Kids (inc swimming) £100

House £40

Birthdays £100 (inc party)

Christmas £50

Personal allowances £200

Family fun £100

LONGER TERM SAVINGS £160

Amazon subscription £10

Holidays pot £100

Emergency fund £50

CC DEBTS £100

Credit card 1 £20 

Credit card 2 £80 

TOTAL £3709.51

£90.49 left over from minimum pay of £3800, we are usually paid a few hundred more due to Sundays/overtime. The extra would be paid off the CC's.

Obviously I have kept some things that Bluegreen cut so the leftover money is less but this is a good start for us. We will also have February & March as council tax free months so that money can be used to get us on an even keel/overpay CC. 

Bluegreen143

Looking good @sashybo and good plan on your council tax free months giving you a boost 👏 

Very generous of your in laws giving you both £2k - hopefully that really helps with the overdraft/card bill.

beanielou

Really really hope the £2k helps you to get back on an even keel.
I think you should drastically reduce to OD.
Mine is only £250 now & I rarely deip in to it these days but it was hard.
But so worth it.
It is so expensive now to use the OD.

Bluegreen143

Do agree with @beanielou. Once you’ve got some savings you could even totally get rid - none of our accounts (personal or joint) have an overdraft and if we are short we use one of our other options (stopping spending, hitting up savings and/or using a credit card). I’ve not had an overdraft facility in many years and honestly don’t ever miss having one.

Sun_Addict

We used to dip into our overdraft a lot many years ago. I reduced it to £50 and haven’t used it for years thankfully. I know how hard it is when you’ve got young children and a OH who is oblivious. I’ve been in your situation so know how frustrating it is.