Rock bottom, but the only way is up

Ali-OK

sashybo wrote: »

Ali, just wanted to say although it's looking scary for you at least you're taking the first steps of getting your figures sorted so you know what you're dealing with.

As Alex said you've done well to do what you've done so far re making cuts/savings on your outgoings and applying for jobs etc.

You will do it Ali. :T

Thank you :A

Your sig 'failure isn't fatal, courage to continue...' that's what I need to find, courage. I'm living in fear of everything 24/7 and I have to break through it bit by bit.

sashybo

Ahh Ali, it’s so hard isn’t it? I have struggled with depression, as has almost everyone close to me but not to the extent that you’re experiencing it & it’s different for everyone.

You are facing it head on so try not to be so hard on yourself. You have that courage - bags of it.

Buffythedebtslayer

Hi Ali,
I wrote a long rambling post. It was rambling and pointless. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

Hugs, Buffy XXXX

AlexLK

Sounds good re. being employed rather than self employed. I didn't think I could do it but seem to have found the right opportunity and am settling in so at the moment would recommend it. Choose opportunities and industries wisely though. Some industries are inherently horrible to work in I've found previously.

Mrs. K. doesn't eat unless a meal is provided for her and she's managed to survive nearly 35 years so far. :rotfl: Seriously, chances are he will be OK.

From what I know about student loans, it is not a loan in the traditional sense of the word and more an additional tax in the manner it is collected. However, I also know we differ with our opinions on university study. Debt can be horrible. I suppose I've started to understand I am in a somewhat privileged position and why many MSE'ers have become frustrated with me over the years. I don't know what it's like to be in the position of having worked so hard and have the potential to have little to show for it. Not going to patronise you by pretending I understand what that must be like.

Not sure what I'd do re. the pension but agree with the other commitments. Have you spoken to your family?

I'm so sorry to hear of your unhappiness. I want to be able to say tomorrow is another day and it will all get better. That's what everyone told me and it was so far from the truth for such a long time. However, please try to maintain hope things will get better. The thing I find most difficult to read is believing you will be alone. You have such a lot to give, Ali and are a kind, generous and caring person.

AlexLK

sashybo wrote: »

Ahh Ali, it’s so hard isn’t it? I have struggled with depression, as has almost everyone close to me but not to the extent that you’re experiencing it & it’s different for everyone.

You are facing it head on so try not to be so hard on yourself. You have that courage - bags of it.

Absolutely brilliant post, sashy.

Will second depression and anxiety being different for everyone and Ali having a lot of courage.

in_need_of_direction

Maybe I'm stating the obvious as you were always so much more money organised than I but have you thought about doing your outgoings in priority order? I'm still without income from my business but have been shocked at how much outgoings can be reduced by stripping the wants from the needs. I'd love to have a regular pension contribution but I don't actually need it right now iykwim.
Also, I'd hold fire on the house move thoughts right now. If you can hold things as they are for another 18 months, I'm sure DS would benefit from the stability. Also, and sorry if this comes across as harsh but, are you really in a place to make good decisions and to cope with the upheaval?

Take care.

Ali-OK

Thank you, I'm truly grateful :A

Sashybo, I'm so sorry to hear you and those close to you have suffered too - it is hard. Somehow things will get better.

Buffy, thank you, means a lot and especially hugs.

Alex, I'm so glad you're settling in, I'm pleased things are going well for you. I'm probably catastrophising regarding DS, all my worries have become worst case scenarios A life long habit to break, but that's anxiety for us.

I'll put Uni to one side if that's OK - it's not something we need to think about just yet.

Yes, my family are aware. They ask how they can help but I don't know what they can do.

INOD - I hadn't thought about priority order for the outgoings - that's a good idea. Aside bills, there's just pension and optician at £5 (which I need as checks due to visual migraines and weird vision from inflammation behind would cost per visit otherwise). He's been very good to me keeping that all free and includes contact lens checks and sight tests too.

I think if I can get any full time job, I could probably gets the debts onto a plan and pension would have to stop too I guess. I need to speak to CAB but forgot to phone this morning, am so forgetful and disorganised these days. I also forgot to phone the heating engineer.

I fluctuate on the house, DS's stability is important yet so is security of roof over our head. I definitely struggle to make decisions, these big ones are even worse.

Had an assessment for CBT this morning, now on waiting list that is at 2 months. I've got a book anyhow, so will start re-reading that see if I can make some headway myself too.

Need to pay out £220 for remainder of DS's trip soon as part of one of his courses - information evening tonight for it. And then buy the few bits he needs.

It's good to get others' perspectives, I struggle to trust my own judgement at the moment.

Thank you for helping, you are all very special ((hugs)) xx

beanielou

No advive other than to keep plodding.
Take care of you.

AlexLK

Yes, I think it's the anxiety speaking re. your son. However, it is a very difficult habit to break. I found myself instantly going to the worst case scenario today myself. Turns out it was not a bit deal at all but when I first saw the correspondence I jumped to the worst possible case imaginable. Also find I try to avoid things which I know aren't going to have the absolute best outcome. Have been forcing myself to deal with things by using the "Reminders" app on my phone which links to my ipad, so cannot avoid it. :rotfl:

I would try to avoid getting your debts onto a formal plan if you can as it won't make things easy in the future. I feel you'd be better to pay the minimum allowable and top up when you get work rather than go onto a plan. However, someone with more knowledge on this may be able to tell you otherwise. I'd speak to an IFA re. pensions and a tax advisor re. matters relating to tax which could be applicable.

sashybo

Hi Ali, hope you’re ok & looking after yourself. *hugs*