Rock bottom, but the only way is up

CathT

Ali-OK wrote: »

Hi Cath and thank you too for popping in and posting, that's really kind of you. How's your extension? Finished I hope?



I've booked a return free session to the hypno to see if I can crack an issue we worked on. I probably went at a bad time for me - I so need to believe in myself.

I've done a guided meditation and fell asleep! That wasn't meant to happen!

.

It's progressing fairly well, roof going on next week. Fingers crossed abother 6 weeks ish of work. Plan is to have it all decorated by end of March. That will make it just over a year from applying for planning permission to completion!

I've been doing quite a bit more personal development and it's really helping with my outlook and positivity. Wasn't something I thought I'd do but I'm really benefitting.

Ali-OK

Hi INOD - it's really lovely to 'see' you again and I feel like I've come home, if that makes sense. Staying for good this time!

Cath, that's great news on the extension, I hope it's not been too disruptive and 6 weeks will soon pass.

Your personal development sounds good, may I ask what sort of things you've been doing that you've found beneficial? Any pointers most welcome

DS and I did the food shop last night - £11.64. I'm back into meal planning and there's quite a lot in the freezer to keep us going. Tonight we're using up some rolls and burgers with a side of chips.

I've a really thick head this morning, but have decluttered the 2 top shelves in both wardrobes. I've added a haircut appointment to DS's tomorrow in readiness for next week.

I've spoken to the biz consultant and got some more good ideas from him.

I wasn't successful at getting a 2nd interview at a job I really fancied, but at least they called to let me know. I have a 1st interview next week for another post. Still no word on the DBS needed for the job I have an offer for.

Right, back to my To Do list - not setting myself targets, just taking one task at a time and seeing how it goes.

CathT

Good luck for the next interview and the DBS coming through.

Re: positivity I've become involved in a network marketing business so surrounded by positivity in that. I'm currently reading 'the ch1mp paradox' which is great. Ive also listened to some audios, the slight edge, miracle morning and the secret are good ones.

Ali-OK

Almost a year since I last posted and I need to move forward as it's been a step forward/step back process in those 12 months.

The good:

- I won the biz idea competition, got it set up and did a pilot which went well
- I sold the second car to create some funds
- I had a little SE work doing office admin/PA type work
- I was gifted some money to help me through
- I did 2 temp jobs
- I'm receiving child tax credit

The bad:

- I became more unwell. I was exhausted, burnt out after an ultra busy time in Jan/Feb/early March. Tried to keep going with first temp job, but after a week or so, anxiety issues were horrific and broke down completely over April/May/June. I tried really hard at home - making sure DS got through his exam season and he came out with a good set of GCSEs (now settled into A levels at college)

- In July, I was lucky to land a retail temp post via SIL - it was good for a little income, building some confidence and being 'out there'. However, the downsides became apparent - DS wasn't feeding himself (he's Aspergers), I couldn't cope with 11pm getting home and being up at 5am next morning (no regular shift pattern) and the fog/location into autumn and some paranoia over locking up at 10pm on a dark street worsened my anxiety. I left

So back into depression I went. I've been going to MIND since March who've been brilliant, I've had an assessment for Bi-Polar but he didn't think it was, I've had 2 assessments for Aspergers and that's looking likely. Awaiting final one (but could be another 6-9 months before diagnosis).

Friends have deserted me mostly, one good one left.

I'm trying to pick myself up again, but now stuck in a no income and not sure what I want to do job wise or am able to. Between the anxiety and depression there are clearer moments, though my decision making ability is severely disabled and self-care is poor at times. My brain/head feels totally different to my robust, determined days and some physical issues just to top it off.

Sorry to post a downer. I do need and want to move forward. I have to start with budget sheets again, figures and everything else to get my journey going. The irony is the new biz is aimed at teens for positive mental health and is a fun/engaging art form, yet I am too anxious and feel unwell in order to push it. But CBT is due to start with an assessment next week and am back at the GP tomorrow.

Financially, the lessons I learnt here over the years meant I didn't go on a spending spree, though neither have I managed to cut any costs. There's lots I need to do, it's overwhelming, so I've got to start small. I've even stopped checking my bank account in the knowledge it's going down but feel powerless to stop it. I think it might be time to involve CAB? I think I've got a few months money left so I maybe able to avoid disaster if I can get a job soon. That stands out as priority if I can get my health on track.

Thanks for reading if you got this far

sashybo

Ali, I was going through my thread subscriptions last night & saw yours and wondered how you were. Good to hear from you but sorry to hear about the problems you’ve been having.

Glad to hear that DS got through his exams & did well - you always come across as a great & supportive mum, so well done to you as well as DS.

I’m sure you’ll get plenty of support on the boards and I hope the CBT is a big help to you once it starts. I’ve got no doubt that you’ll get through this. :T

hiddenshadow

Yay, glad to see you back posting! I've missed your updates.

Sorry to hear things have been a struggle. I know how demoralising it can be to feel like you should be doing (or able to do) X but be unable to achieve it. I hope the GP/MIND/CBT can all help.

Definitely go with baby steps. Are there 2 or 3 things that you could do in the next week that would get you started in the right direction? Prep healthy meals/snacks for when you're less well? Vow to shower every day, if nothing else? (That might be me projecting ) Go through one month of transactions in your bank account?

Well done to DS on his GCSEs, I hope he's enjoying A levels.

Ali-OK

Thanks Sashybo :A

I've always done my best to put DS and his extra needs first, only one small literal incident where he walked along a major A road with no paths, as a lesson was cancelled and no bus for a couple of hours. He took the bus route by foot :eek: got lost half way and phoned me. He was fine, I wasn't :rotfl:

I pulled up my big girl pants and checked the bank accounts First time since 12th December . Noted down all the outgoings on paper. Two D/Ds I think I am ready to cancel (Sky and gym). I walk the dog and have a bike = free.

I've checked the end dates of the 0% CCs (I put the tax payment on it even though I had the money as meant more to live on if needed) and got the up to date loan outstanding amount. It's not as shabby as I thought, plus DS's Dad has paid maintenance some months, including January :T I had a largish CTC payment in December as well.

Next job - update sig, set up outgoings spreadsheets. Don't think I can cancel/lower any other outgoings as they're essentials and mostly in deals (elec, gas, internet, mobile). I'm Scrooge with the usage too :rotfl:

Ali-OK

hiddenshadow wrote: »

Yay, glad to see you back posting! I've missed your updates.

Sorry to hear things have been a struggle. I know how demoralising it can be to feel like you should be doing (or able to do) X but be unable to achieve it. I hope the GP/MIND/CBT can all help.

Definitely go with baby steps. Are there 2 or 3 things that you could do in the next week that would get you started in the right direction? Prep healthy meals/snacks for when you're less well? Vow to shower every day, if nothing else? (That might be me projecting ) Go through one month of transactions in your bank account?

Well done to DS on his GCSEs, I hope he's enjoying A levels.

Hi Hidden :wave:

Lovely to see you and thank you for great suggestions.

I'm good with showering/dressing if I have to go out, so most days as the dog isn't happy otherwise :rotfl:. Think Christmas was worse as DS didn't have college and no alarm going off and it's the weekends I need to force myself. So that's a goal set there.

Been through the transactions - I jneeded something to push me into it and posting did it. I am weird :rotfl:

I can pop into gym on way to GP in the morning and cancel membership. Phoning Sky, I need to get prepped with account information though no idea of the impact on our tv set up in terms of aerial.

Hope you're keeping well and need to catch up on your thread too.

hiddenshadow

Ali-OK wrote: »

I'm good with showering/dressing if I have to go out, so most days as the dog isn't happy otherwise :rotfl:.

You're better than me - I fully embrace the homeless hobo look when out with the dogs. I figure I look pretty unattractive picking up/holding poo anyway, may as well not go to extra effort. On Christmas DH stayed in pajamas all day and never showered, he just pulled on trousers/coat over top. :rotfl:

Think Christmas was worse as DS didn't have college and no alarm going off and it's the weekends I need to force myself. So that's a goal set there.

I definitely find it easier to stick with a set routine, or not stray too far from it. Otherwise I get totally out of whack.

Hope you're keeping well and need to catch up on your thread too.

Thanks, 2017 was a year of lots of changes for us, but mostly doing well.

Eager_Elephant

((Ali))

Apart from Tax Credits are you claiming any other benefits?

If you are receiving help with your mental health and not managing to work the self-employment then I think you should consider claiming ESA.
There is 1 based on your NI contributions for the last 2 full financial years or an income related one - both are the same amount but of course with the former you have to have the NI contributions.
For the income related one you need to have less than £16k in savings otherwise you are not eligible (any capital over £6k is counted as an income)

If your savings are under £16k you could also claim Council Tax Benefit - your local authority should have a website and hopefully a calculator so you can see if you are entitled.