Rock bottom, but the only way is up

in_need_of_direction · 5 January 2018 at 10:55AM

Hey mrs, great to see you back, you've been missed. Btw, not all bar one friend has deserted. We're here!

Ali-OK · 5 January 2018 at 9:15PM

Thank you so much Hidden, EE and INOD - and I saw what you did there INOD regarding friends.

I like the PJs and dog walking Hidden! Wonder if pink hearts onesie and wellies would do! You're right though, look doesn't matter in the middle of a soggy field and a pooh bag!

EE - thanks for the info, very useful. I haven't paid any NI this tax year, but always paid both classes for SE prior to that. I need to look into if I'm eligible to claim anything. I've put CAB on my To Do list.

Am also wondering if I should sell up and downsize - I could possibly buy a 2 bed place outright and lose the mortgage, though don't feel mentally strong enough to face all it entails at the moment. Another thought is whether selling up and renting for a year would be wise whilst DS completes As and decides his next move and I get straight again. I'm coming up for 50 in 3 months with a £103k mortgage with 10 years left to pay it in. Salary level has to be better than I think I'm going to be able to get for a while in order to re-mortgage in a couple of years and DS might want to go to Uni. A real conundrum!

MIND are brilliant, I go to Peer Support weekly which has a Support Lead and their Craft Group this morning run by some of the service users, making items to sell and raise funds. Also received an email that a volunteer Mentor has been found and she's happy to work with me, so a meeting will be set up to meet and begin. Hopefully won't be too long before I'm either doing something voluntary or paid. Parking is expensive though.

My GP is excellent too - psychiatry is his specialist area and after 4 goes at different ADs with horrid side effects (3 with serious suicidal thoughts, 1 with restless legs/no sleep for 3 days) he's sticking with CBT being the way forward. I've meds for physical anxiety symptoms when I need them which are great for driving. I can take them ongoing too as they stop the visual migraines that seem to flare when I'm most stressed/in overwhelm which doesn't take much at the moment.

I have another double appointment with him in 2 weeks. Also a phone appt with a different GP there as have had a swollen foot since October, likely he wants an MRI on it next (blood tests clear, ice packs tried etc).

I cancelled the Gym membership DD this morning, so that's a saving of £37 a month from March. Sky paperwork still to find. I think I might wrap up with the psychotherapist as that's £40 a week and GP feels it's not the right therapy now.

There's lots to be grateful for and I am

Diaries - I promise I will catch up, read half of INODs new one last night - life changing times there

sashybo · 5 January 2018 at 10:40PM

Hi again Ali, you've achieved a lot so far and a lot to think about too. Well done for identifying it all though, sometimes that's half the battle. :j

How is your post dog? :rotfl: I love dogs but we just don't have the time just now that a dog deserves. We have 3 selfish and ungrateful cats instead, as they are more self-sufficient. They are still hard work but I love having furry companions about and they do provide some comedy at times. My DS is fascinated with them and just laughs whenever they come near him (not often as he pulls fur and tails when trying to stroke them :eek::rotfl:).

AlexLK · 5 January 2018 at 11:15PM

Hi Ali,

It's brilliant to hear from you.

I too was thinking about you a few days ago and had hoped you'd found Mr. Right and drove off into the sunset.

I'm terribly sorry to hear what you've been through over the last year. Keep getting help and looking for answers - easier said than done, I know. Glad to hear you managed to take a look at your account. Its so easy to avoid when you know it's going down rather than up. Been there many times.

Really pleased to hear your son's GCSEs went well. What's he decided to study at A Level?

I'll second INOD's post, you have lots of friends on here.

Keep posting.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Alex.

Ali-OK · 6 January 2018 at 12:21AM

Thanks Sashybo and Alex - lovely to see you again too.

I think the work, housing and resultant financial consequences of the decisions I make next are what are keeping me stuck. I felt a new freedom and happiness when I was bashing the mortgage - I have gone through being angry at myself at being in the position I currently am. My GP gave me a reality check today though - health comes first.

Post-dog :rotfl: Sadly decided to re-home him as I couldn't manage both for walks and it was unfair on him not getting the amount of exercise he needed. He is local with a lovely family, well and happy and lovely photo updates too. I miss him

but his needs come first. He was so loving, we used to cuddle up a lot. Still have the other one, DS couldn't face losing both. Am glad of that though as it forces me to get out and the walking helps.

Sounds like your DS is having fun with the cats :eek::rotfl: They are more self sufficient and good to have pets.

Alex - I thought of you and how you've battled and knowing you know this arena well. I can't praise the support from MIND and my GP enough - reaching out was the best thing I've done and I'm hoping the answers will come.

DS's efforts and hard work results in 10 GCSEs at A's & B's, so proud of him. He's studying History, Geography and Economics and loving Economics. He's happy and also learning to drive. Family gave him extra birthday money especially for lessons back in September.

How is Little K? Still loving nature? I peeked into your diary briefly (need to fully catch up with so many!) and I think there's been some exciting movements for you too?

Thank you for such kind comments regarding friends - it means a lot to return and feel so welcome again

. I hope I can get back to being the supportive poster I was, I feel a bit selfish/self-absorbed quite a bit at the moment, but am more productive and happier on all levels when I look outwards and give to others. I can also speak my truth and not feel judged here

sashybo · 6 January 2018 at 1:09AM

Aww Ali, sorry post dog had to be re-assigned - his postal skills were needed elsewhere.

All joking aside that must have been really hard for you but was absolutely one of the best things you could have done for him if you felt he wasn't getting what he needed, just shows how unselfish you are and that you loved him enough to do what was best for him. *hugs*

This is absolutely the best place to come when you need a bit of support without feeling judged and I hope you get what you need from posting.

AlexLK · 6 January 2018 at 1:23AM

Your GP is correct.

It's brilliant you can have a conversation with him. I've not been able to speak to medical professionals for the vast majority of appointments I've had over the years. Often I've given them a note. There have been occasions I've sat down and not been able to even do that, apologise for wasting their time and walk out. That's probably the first time I've admitted that and I'm rather ashamed I've took appointments from other people to do that in the past. Glad you've managed to reach out, I haven't been that brave on many occasions and I do think it resulted in things becoming worse.

Having a dog has really helped me. Though it probably doesn't seem so most of the time keeping active will help. If you need someone to listen, rant to etc. you know where I am, support works in two ways and I am very grateful for the times you and others on here have supported me over the years. I wouldn't be in the position I am if it weren't for MSE both financially and mentally.

Really pleased to hear of your son's achievements and his progression to A Level. Has he lined up his first car yet?

My son is growing up fast - 7 now. He's doing well in school and has two close knit friends at school, a group of horsey girlfriends :eek: :rotfl: and some orchestra friends. I'm really pleased how well he plays with other children and his last report from school.

He's staying there unless anything drastically changes. Academically, he is doing well but I have backed off somewhat so he is not making the progress he was. It seems the right thing for us at the moment. He still loves nature and horses.

I have a new MFW diary - Renovations and Repayments II (wasn't feeling particularly original that day, was I?

) After all the build up teaching didn't work out for me, I hated every minute of it.

Working full time in property as well as managing our portfolio. Have a current project house ... well, yes, I know what you're thinking ... mine is still work in progress but we did sort the bathroom. The new one is to add to our portfolio and we plan to add more as Mrs. K. and I found we work together well. That's basically my 2017 in summary as it didn't really start until a few months in. No need to read the drivel I post now.

I haven't done so well with savings and the end of the year has been a disaster so far as keeping to a budget. I do have a spreadsheet though. :eek:

:money:

debtfreeoneday · 6 January 2018 at 5:49PM

Nice to see you back, but sorry to hear times haven't been too great for you!

We are still here - I pop in and out and don't post regularly now.

Just take one day at a time lovely and things will get better, x