Rock bottom, but the only way is up

Ali-OK

Thank you so much and so lovely of you DFOD, Beanie and Buffy to post your kind words and support as well, I am very grateful :A

I tried to read more threads today, but as soon as I read OH/DH, partner, income, job it seems to set off my anxiety, I guess it's a reminder of where I am

So I went out with the dog for some fresh air. Done very little else today. I tend to sleep in the afternoon and then overnight too, though some days/nights I hardly sleep at all. All a bit erratic.

I did bank our Christmas monies finally too, so a little extra there. I've written up a spreadsheet with outgoings, it'll tell me how short I am each month once I pop some formula in. Scared.

I've looked at houses half the price of mine on the coast - worried that a job like caring or something might not cover standard bills though.

Sashybo :rotfl: post-dog re-assigned...I like that!

Alex, that must have been very difficult for you. I never really know what to say either and am usually on the verge of tears when I do speak. My comfort zone is so small I think - either anxiety hits or it's back in depression, everything else is a distraction from the reality and nothing changes and each day is closer to the catastrophe I want to avoid, but seem powerless to do so or am self destructing.

DS will have to share my car I think as things stand depends on insurance really. He has tried to get a part time job without luck so far.

Good to hear Little K is getting on well, that all sounds positive.

Bathroom done and a spreadsheet, I am impressed . Life sounds pretty good, well done.

AlexLK

Ali, I am so sorry you're feeling like that. I've been in a similar state of mind and it's awful. Sometimes the fog feels like it will never lift but please don't give up. You're taking positive steps even if it doesn't seem so.

I've had some awful medical appointments over the years. Over the past year I had some rather evasive tests over a number of months to rule out a problem. Final appointment came and went, saw the GP and was told I've no physical problem and the issue must be habitual / psychological. I was inconsolable and the GP was bewildered but it wasn't the first time I've sobbed in that room.

There have been times my anxiety has been triggered by reading some diaries too. A few months ago I was finding that happening as I wasn't in a great place with the teaching. I stuck a note on my computer in the study, it said "we're all on our own journey". It was something my mother-in-law said to me after the in-laws witnessed me have a panic attack (trigger was them visiting us ). Other people have said similar things before but for some reason that really helped me. Perhaps it was just a case of right words at the right time.

Try to establish a routine if you can. As this is me saying this it goes without saying that is easier said than done.

Lots of good progress re. paying money in and spreadsheet. Perhaps you could use that spreadsheet to work out if moving is the right thing for you and the amount you need for the regular bills.

stepuptothepl8

Welcome back Ali. It's all about small steps, one at a time. I'll be rooting for you xx

beanielou

No OH’s , jobs or suchlike on my diary.
Money worries, poorly cats and people falling.
A wee bit of volunteering.

Ali-OK

Beanie - good point Well done on the volunteering and sorry to hear about your poorly cat

Thanks for posting too StepUp, I appreciate it.

Alex, I'm trying hard not to give up. I appreciate you sharing, thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone. I know not where any path might lead - none seem to fit the basic needs of paying the overheads here, though a downsize could solve that once working or even a lodger I guess. Then I'll have to find a way for DS to manage various things that he hasn't mastered so far. I have applied for 2 jobs today and re-applied for another where I wasn't successful after interview (they picked a more closely fitting candidate to JD). Another step taken.

Good idea on routine too. I think downsizing is ultimately wise for lowering bills, council tax and maintenance, though I looked at the cost to move and it's not far off £10k :eek: using a high street agent is almost £6k of that. So when the time does come maybe a different approach is required. I will look at what I need to earn to cover everything here and and a guestimate for a smaller place.

Today I took doglet for her walk around a country park, change of scenery and lots of people to say good morning to and doggies for her to socialise with.

I phoned Sky and even though a lovely adviser came up with a half price deal of £15 a month, I went ahead and fully cancelled. We don't watch it, record to it or anything else and I don't think it's worked properly for some time Last payment 23rd Jan of £16.

So in a few days I've saved £359.40 on Sky and £444 on gym, total £803.40. Approx £1125 less I need to earn gross.

On the downside, the boiler started dripping some water last night and there's some wetness around the padding/tank in the loft. Small amount though I'll have to call the heating engineer out. It was serviced a few months ago and though old, still in good condition. Fingers crossed for a fix.

Hope everyone has had a good Sunday

Ali-OK

OK, so the scary step to working out what's coming in and going out has been calculated.

Income (based on ex paying DS maint but intermittent)

£589.87

Outgoings

£1,851.25

That doesn't include the annual bills like house and car insurance.
Almost £500 a month is going to the debt, I could lower that and pay just above minimum on the CCs.

Grim

AlexLK

Ali, some really positive steps take there, especially savings of over £1000 made. You are most definitely not alone, though I know it can all too often seem like it.

Well done for applying for the jobs, definitely a step in the right direction. Have you thought about getting back into your old business? Perhaps on a smaller scale to begin with. If not suitable / feasible please ignore my suggestion.

Agent fees seem high. Have a look at purplebricks et al. Zoopla has an estimated price for cost of living for all the properties listed on their website, so worth a look to gain an idea of what you'd be saving.

I'm sure your son will do a lot of growing up and managing to figure things out when he moves for uni.

Well done for getting out with your dog. We had a walk along the river and went back home today, it's very cold up here.

AlexLK

Ali-OK wrote: »

OK, so the scary step to working out what's coming in and going out has been calculated.

Income (based on ex paying DS maint but intermittent)

£589.87

Outgoings

£1,851.25

That doesn't include the annual bills like house and car insurance.
Almost £500 a month is going to the debt, I could lower that and pay just above minimum on the CCs.

Grim

Without meaning to pry, do you have more than the one CC in your signature? I wonder if it could be worth moving them to new 0% deals if they are not 0% and just paying the minimum until you get some extra income as paying more doesn't seem to make any sense when your outgoings are more than your incomings.

Also, could it be worth requesting a payment holiday from your mortgage until you find work?

sashybo

Ali, just wanted to say although it's looking scary for you at least you're taking the first steps of getting your figures sorted so you know what you're dealing with.

As Alex said you've done well to do what you've done so far re making cuts/savings on your outgoings and applying for jobs etc.

You will do it Ali. :T

Ali-OK

Thanks Alex.

A big part of me would like to get back to being an employee to have a regular income, I think it'd help me get a stable base back and regain some confidence.

Thanks for the suggestions, when I get to that stage then that's a good route to take. I don't have the energy to face it yet.

DS will have to do things at home (like eat) and he forgets to do that. If I can get a Mon-Fri 9-5 type job it'll be ok. Uni thoughts make me panic - if he wants £55k of debt, he can do it, rather him than me. Debt has blighted much of my adult life, I hate it, having had a taste of freedom without it. I've worked my socks off full time for 34 years and could end up with very little to show for it. Feel sick to the core.

There are 2 CCs and both on 0%, the minimum wouldn't change if I combined on a new deal and they'd be a charge to do it as well. I think they're best left as is for the time being? The loan is the killer at £295 a month.

Pension at £263 a month - loath to stop it as running out of years to save for it.

Mortgage is £223 a month. Trying not to stop as it'll just create a bigger pile of pooh to sort.

And bigger than money, it's all revealed how unhappy I am, have been and probably will be. I'm destined to be alone and I hate that too.