Leaving advice

silvercar

Did you discuss this before you had children?

Sounds to me like the poor guy is trying to provide well for his family.

My husband travels abroad for a week on average once a month. We just get on with it, harder when the kids were little. Even when he is home, he works til early evening and answers calls and emails at the weekend.

springdreams

You would need to chat to a lawyer to find out what you would be entitled to. You may or may not be able to continue staying in the family home. You may also need to increase your working hours to finance that part of your monthly expenses that will not be covered by the maintenance payments that you may get from your OH after you divorce / separate. You will be entitled to some money from your OH, but it is unlikely to be enough for you to continue the life style that you now enjoy without you contributing a lot more money to the kitty than you currently do.

Ideally, you should try sort this out with your husband if you can. As others have said, in retail the hours are not as family friendly as other industries. Your OH may therefore have very little choice over the hours he works, especially as he is a manager. His position likely means that he has to cover for anyone who calls in sick, or if there is a staff shortage for any other reason.

Perhaps if you worked more hours yourself, and / or got some hobbies, you wouldn't feel so lonely?

hazyjo

Is there something (or someone) that has made you think the grass may e greener...? Not accusing you of having a fling(!), but sometimes it takes a single friend, or fancying someone to make us question life.

I have a friend who barely sees her husband as he works shifts and she works all the hours God sends. She sometimes gets in at 9pm and doesn't get time to take her coat off (3 kids). Her OH gets home at say 10-11pm and asks if she's just got in and she'll say no she's been doing kids stuff for a couple of hours and not had a chance to think about herself yet.

I don't think it's right, and know they could buy in a much cheaper area - their house is worth loads, but some people just seem to thrive on work or believe they NEED the money. They often don't. She gets extremely stressed.

I also work with lawyers/Partners who book holidays to far flung destinations like the Seychelles and often have to cancel them due to work. One lawyer had 3 weeks' hols left at the end of the year as she'd been too busy to take time off.

Are you sure he wants to do all this work? If not, you could well be adding fuel to the fire. I can't imagine he'd be too happy about having to cancel time off or working unexpected long hours.

Jx

Dird

springdreams wrote: »

You would need to chat to a lawyer to find out what you would be entitled to. You may or may not be able to continue staying in the family home.

So he works hard to provide a roof and then it's taken away from him in an instant. !!!! society

PeacefulWaters

Get into joint counselling.

Miles cheaper than divorce.

And if it fails, you know you tried.

springdreams

Dird wrote: »

So he works hard to provide a roof and then it's taken away from him in an instant. !!!! society

And she works hard too. The OP is raising 2 children, looking after the family home and working part time.

The point was that the OP may be thinking that she will be allowed to stay in the family home, with her OH paying the full running costs and mortgage, with little changing for her other than she will no longer be married, but that is highly unlikely to be the case, which is why I suggested that she speak to a lawyer. Her OH is also entitled to a share of the family home, and also to retain a large portion of his income to fund his new life. So in addition to being divorced, the OP may find herself having to contribute more money to the household income, which perhaps she hasn't realised.

MrsCrafty

I think there is a bigger question here. If your OH were to take a weekend off to spend with you, would you want to? It's the question that you need to ask. Would he spend it with you so you and him could enjoy time together?

You can only answer this.

seven-day-weekend

goodwithsaving wrote: »

I don't have children, but this was me in my previous relationship. I was (and still am) a workaholic because at the end of the day, my job was (is) what paid the mortgage, provided the holidays, covered the roof when it needed fixing, covered the new carpets, windows etc. Growing up we barely saw our father as he too was always working, but we had a brilliant childhood in that we had a lovely garden to play in, we had some amazing holidays (nothing expensive, just fun) and we got to do so many things we wouldn't have been able to do had my father not worked as hard as he did.
I think what I'm saying, and I'm sorry to be harsh but some jobs are like that. In the retail culture, he probably doesn't have much choice.
So do you want the bills paid or not? I know it's lonely, but maybe consider what it is like to be him. Maybe he thrives on it because he has no choice. I felt like I worked hard just to be criticised at home, yet was always the only one with money to pay for things when they went wrong. That (amongst other issues) caused resentment and in the end I left. Just be careful.

I was going to say this too. It's his job that provides for the family. He probably has little choice about going in if he's the manager. My son is just a shop assistant in a super market, but even he gets called in on his day off and holidays, because they are short staffed. He can say no if he wishes, but your husband probably can't if he values his job, as he is a manager.

I agree you must be lonely, but do try to see things from his point of view.

What maybe you could do is book a holiday away so that he can't be called in. Would that work?

ashamedgirly

Thank you for your replies. I must admit some have upset me a little but at the same time it has given me food for thought. I do appreciate and understand what he does, I work the hours that I can and they will increase over time, I do have hobbies, and I am also studying at the moment. I will try and have a chat with him later when he is home, and then we can move forward. I don't want to to leave or him to leave or to end things but I was beginning to think that was the only choice I had.
Thanks again for all your differing view points which have helped me to see things in a more rounded way.

ashamedgirly

MrsCrafty wrote: »

I think there is a bigger question here. If your OH were to take a weekend off to spend with you, would you want to? It's the question that you need to ask. Would he spend it with you so you and him could enjoy time together?

You can only answer this.

Yes! I would. He has the next few days off but unfortunately I will be working which is annoying.